Malicious Compliance Chapter Fourteen

Therapy was, frankly, exhausting. Edward didn't know how Bella managed to go more than once a month without having to hide under the covers for the rest of the day like a child in need of a nap.

“I feel like we should build a blanket fort and hide out for the evening.”

Pushing a stray hair behind her ear, Bella smiled up at him as he slung his arm over her shoulders. “You might be joking, but it’s not a terrible idea.”

He guided her through the parking lot in the direction of her car as he spoke. “I knew this would be difficult emotionally, but I didn't realize it would be so mentally draining.”

“We can order in and just lay on the couch,” she suggested. 

“That’s the next best thing to hiding in a fort.”

While she put the car in drive and made her way out of the lot, Edward stared out the side window. Absently rubbing his chest, he realized how much his heart ached. Bella hadn't prevaricated in the slightest, opening up fully to him and her therapist. It was an eye opener, that was for certain.

“Are you sure you want to go back next month?” 

Her question pulled his attention from the rain-streaked city. “Yes, absolutely. I don't think we’re magically fixed after one session.”

“It’s a lot to navigate.”

“That’s okay.” Reaching over, he ran a fingertip over the shell of her ear and down her neck. “It’s worth it to make sure we do things right this time.”

Waking up next to her for the past several mornings had been enough to convince him they belonged back in the same house. But similar to taking his time making love to her again—and maybe he gave in too soon—if he pushed too much, too fast, they could crash and burn. He’d rather they didn't fuck up and have to ask forgiveness, adding more trauma to their joint sessions than already existed.

Bella tilted her head in his direction. “As I said back there, I think we’re better equipped for a healthy relationship at this point in our lives.”

“We’re not immature dumbasses this time, that’s true.” He smiled when she snorted.

“Were you ever immature in your entire life? You always seemed to have your shit together.”

Moving his attention to her collarbones, he traced them as far as he could reach. “Don't put me on a pedestal, or I’ll tattle on you.”

Her short laugh was followed by a hiss as he moved down to pinch her nipple. “I’ll work on it, like I promised. But it’s hard not to compare myself to you and come up short.”

“I choose you, remember?”

There was no answer, but the biting of her lip as she navigated late afternoon traffic in the rain told him she remembered. Not wanting to distract her too much, he removed his hand from her shirt and rested it innocently on her leg.

Maybe he was fooling himself, Edward thought as he let them into his loft. She was parking in his garage every night, sleeping in his bed, and barely making it back to her place to pack more clothes. Just because she hadn’t changed her address didn't mean they weren’t living together in every other sense. But he couldn't bear the thought of sending her home anymore.

Bella went to the bathroom, and he went to the fridge to pull out bottled water. He hadn't cried the way she had, but his throat was dry as fuck. Turning his thoughts over in his head, he didn't hear her coming and jumped when she touched his shoulder.

“You okay?” she asked.

In response, he set the bottle down and pulled her close, resting his chin on top of her head. “Just overthinking.”

She tensed. “Really?”

Though she surely meant to sound nonchalant, her voice trembled on that one word. “Really. Thinking that I want you here all day, every day, and worrying it’s too fast. Thinking we pretty much live together as it is, but I’m afraid to make it official until we’ve been to therapy a few more times. In the end, does waiting actually matter?”

“I think part of our issue has been that you want to jump from zero to one thousand without taking the steps in between.”

It might have stung once upon a time to hear that assessment from her, but she was right, and he knew it. “Yes, I do tend to do that.”

“If it was up to you, we would have married and had a family by now.” Bella pulled away, looking up into his face. “And we would be divorced with a kid or two, fighting over who spent more time with them.”

Well, that fucking hurt. He took a deep breath and let it out before speaking. “You’re probably right. It’s why I’ve tried to slow things down.”

“We don't have to rush into anything, but I understand the desire to be together all the time. Especially considering how many years we lost.”

Edward could picture it, but it was blurry. A child of their making, a perfect combination of them both. Fighting over who got which holiday, crying over missing out on the most important parts of their development. If he’d missed the first word, the first step, he would hate himself more. And then again, he probably would have stayed for the sake of the child, and then they’d be even more miserable. 

That made him take a step back. “I don't want kids in the next few months or anything, but we are on the same page of having children together, right? Of moving forward and having a marriage and a family?”

When Bella turned away and began picking at the hem of her sweater, he grew nervous. “I worry all the time about how I’ll handle being a mother. I’m afraid I’ll be shit at it.”

“How could you possibly not be an amazing mother? I know for a fact you’d do everything you could to be the polar opposite of Renee.”

“Yeah.” She snorted. “It’s not hard to be a better mother than her, but that’s not the bar I have set for myself. I only worry I’ll smother the poor thing, and spoil it to death.”

“Ah, so you’re worried about being a hoverer?” That, he could deal with.

“I don't want to make you the disciplinarian while I give them everything their little heart could possibly desire.” Facing him once more, she said, “But then again, I see myself in therapy basically forever, so I’m sure I can find adequate advice for not smothering my child with mommy dearest’s affection.”

It was his turn to snort. “They could do worse than having you spoil them with love, baby.”

“As long as I don't fuck them up for life.”

“That’s pretty heavy thinking for a child who doesn’t yet exist.”

“But we have to think of these things. It is where we’re headed.”

“Again, not right this second.” He gathered her back into his embrace. “I know you need to devote yourself to your business. There’s no rush for babies.”

“I guess I’m back to the scared little girl who stressed over this when we were together before.”

“Take the time you need to evaluate your feelings, and remember that I would never let you fail.”

Her fingers tightened on his shirt. “I love you.”

“Hey, what do you know? I love you, too.”

They ordered their dinner, sitting together on the couch while they waited for it. Neither of them spoke, watching the movie Bella had picked instead. She curled close to his side, and he couldn't find it in him to mind. Even after they’d eaten, they sat close together. Edward didn't expect any miracles, and didn't blame her for still being scared. Childhood trauma couldn't disappear overnight, or with a few sessions with a professional. Bella needed time, and that was the reason they would wait to live together. Edward wasn't known all that much for being patient, something he knew he needed to work on, but he could force himself to slow down and ensure she was happy.

oOo

Though her eyelids wanted to droop, Bella wasn't ready for bed. All she wanted for the moment was to cling to Edward. With him as her rock, there wasn't much else she needed in her life. There weren't any new revelations in their session, except maybe he didn't know she still sometimes panicked about not having enough food. It was possible she’d never completely get over her fear of starvation, but maybe she could do it with Edward’s help. They had the tools they needed, and if they fucked up, there was always another session waiting. It was a sense of security, she supposed, to know there was a professional opinion ready to help guide them down the correct path. Knowing Edward was willing to put in the work to prevent failure helped her relax.

The thought of an accidental pregnancy had long been a trigger of hers, the same as not having enough available food. Just the idea of running out of groceries made her breath come fast and short, and the idea of a child before she was ready caused a similar reaction. Even feeling they were equipped to handle it if it happened, she’d rather not find out how they’d deal with it.

With that being said, Bella had made certain she was covered for birth control. Occasionally, since nothing was 100%, she panicked at the idea of not insisting Edward wear a condom. Her need to control situations to an unhealthy degree was part of the reason she was in therapy, after all, but the idea had crossed her mind in the past few months. She wondered if he understood how much she trusted him to let him skip that step the way she’d never let Austin or anyone else. But the very idea of talking about her previous lovers was too awkward to contemplate, even with the guidance of a licensed professional.

As the screen darkened, Bella realized she’d been staring into space while the movie finished and the credits rolled. Glancing over, she saw Edward’s eyes were closed. Her heart swelled in her chest as she watched him sleep. Long lashes in a shade darker than his coppery hair rested high on his cheekbones, tempting her to kiss his eyelids. Stubble had grown densely along the edge of his jaw, competing with the ink dancing along his throat. There was no denying how exquisite his bone structure was—lucky bastard—but she resisted touching him. She felt her breathing change, realizing he could entice her even while deeply asleep. Just the sight of him made her a little needy, her panties a little damp. Knowing he trusted her enough to sleep in her presence, to let go of all his defenses and find rest for his mind and soul was a turn on. 

Of course, Bella only wished to bring him pleasure. Biting her lip, she wondered if it was a bad idea to wake him. Reasoning that he wouldn't want to spend the night on the couch, she decided to go with her instincts. She licked the lip she’d just bitten and pressed her mouth to his sharp jawline. He didn't stir, even as she moved further down to swirl her tongue over his steady pulse. The thrum of his heart picked up the barest hint, reassuring her it was the right decision to go all in. Bracing her hands on his chest, she sucked on the skin of his throat until she felt a rumble against her mouth. Large, warm hands snuck under her sweater to race over her bare back, and she arched into his touch. Moving down again, she bit one nipple through his shirt, and he gasped into her hair. His hands changed direction, slipping under her waistband to cup her ass.

His hips surged up, and she felt what she’d done to him pressing against her stomach. Edward tried to maneuver her over him, to match her fervor with his own and grind their bodies together. But her destination was south, and she was not to be deterred. With urgency, she yanked at his pants until she could free his cock, hard and waiting for her eager mouth. 

A guttural groan was her reward, a fist in her hair a prize yet to be achieved. When he gripped her ponytail, she smiled against his skin, sucking the head of his cock deep into her mouth. Deftly, he removed the elastic holding back her hair and threaded his fingers through her thick strands. Gathering the bulk of it, he palmed the back of her head, pushing her down. Relaxing her throat, Bella encouraged him to fuck her mouth, to use her as he wished. Though it took a few fumbling seconds, she managed to tug his balls free of his pants and stroke them, gagging at the intensity of his movements. Edward didn't back off, nor did she expect him to. Deeper and deeper down her throat he slipped, until she was kneeling on the floor and he was half off the couch. The sounds coming from him made her wetter and wetter until she became aware of the sensation of fluid coating her thighs. 

Suddenly, Edward pulled her off his cock by the hand in her hair, staring down at her as she gasped for breath. A string of saliva dripped between them and landed on his pants. “Filthy little girl.”

In response, she licked her lips as exaggeratedly as possible. 

Grasping her by the shoulders, Edward pulled and pushed until she sat facing away from him, nearly tearing her pants off in his haste to push her down over his hard, leaking cock. She whimpered as he filled her nearly brutally, as her body stretched to accommodate the intrusion. Almost immediately, he put his fingers in her mouth, pulling her head back to rest on his chest as he pumped in and out of her. With his other arm banded across her breasts, they slid down the cushions until they were almost prone, their bodies singing in rhythm with each other. Her mouth watered around Edward’s fingers, her other hand braced on his knee. Already, she was so fucking close to coming she could nearly taste it. Despite the real possibility of falling to the floor, Bella couldn't hold back from touching herself any longer. 

The second she found her clit with her thumb, Edward dragged his hand from her mouth and changed his grip until she could no longer reach. A groan ground its way out of her mouth.

“What’s the matter, lamb, am I not fucking you hard enough?”

His voice was directly in her ear, and she shivered. “Close, so close!”

“Here.”

Grabbing her hand, he pressed their joined fingers to her pussy. She felt the slickness of him as he slid in and out; felt the way her body had heated in response. Sweat covered them both as his body forced hers to move in sync. Finally, he curled a finger with hers, massaging her sensitive nub.

“Ah!” It was too much; it was all too much. Her muscles convulsed around him, sending her into an orgasm so strong she couldn't feel her extremities. He didn't slow, merely continued fucking her as she fell apart. Her body was spent, her muscles quivering too much to brace herself properly. They fell in a heap to the floor, and Edward merely took her by the hips to slip back inside. 

“Ohhh, fuck me!” Surely, she’d have rug burns on her knees, but she couldn't find it in her to care. Pushing her hands against the area rug, she met him thrust for thrust until he was cursing in her ear.

“God, Bella, you feel too good. I can’t—”

He stilled, pressing tight to her ass when he came. She shuddered as he covered her body with his, curling around her and protecting her from going face first to the hardwood. 

“What . . .” He took a ragged breath. “What . . . Fuck it, I don't care what.”

“It's time for bed,” she said simply.