With her world crumbling around her, Bella didn't have the strength to get out of bed for days. Her emotions were all over the place, and there was nowhere to steady her balance. If needed, she knew she could turn to some of the others; to Rose, Angela, or Leah. Everyone had come to see her, including her husband. She was at the point where she hated him, hated herself, and hated what Zion had done to them. Somehow, in less time than she could comprehend, she could no longer stand the sight of her own spouse. Between what he might have done with Gianna to not securing a place for her mother and Afton to remain hidden, and many, many more offenses, Bella couldn't find it in herself to forgive him. It felt that every op they’d participated in from day one had only made everything worse, and he'd been in charge of each of them.
Rage was a better emotion to cling to than depression or grief. It was stronger than the others; soon, it rose up, bubbling from someplace deep. She kept it to herself, allowing everyone around her to feel as if she was non-threatening. After she’d screamed at Edward, she had been exhausted, and she’d let that overflow into the rest of her interactions. Her friends and family found her docile, complacent, in mourning.
What they couldn't see was how she felt inside. How her thoughts churned, forming nuanced ideas she’d never even considered before. With Edward out of her face, she could solidify the plans which had plagued her for the past few months. Nearly twelve weeks had gone by since Zion first contacted them; it was devastating to know that was how long it took to ruin what should have been a rock-solid marriage. With so much time on her hands, Bella wondered if it all had been an illusion from the beginning. They’d been unequal from the get-go, and Edward had enjoyed the power plays they’d engaged in. It wasn’t so far-fetched to see how it affected their relationship, and maybe it was a downhill slide from the start. The blinders were finally off, that was all.
Since deciding to remain in her room, Bella had worried she’d grown soft. In the first few days after learning the news of her mother’s passing, she hadn't eaten. But if she wanted to enact her plan of stealing the bomb back, she’d have to return to her usual fighting form. Working out three or four times a week was harder when she was in the bedroom and people were coming and going, expecting her to be frail and withdrawn. Needing to be seen as safe and non-threatening meant she couldn't head to the gym every time she wanted. She had an errant thought that maybe they should have built a secret passage between their bedroom and the underground space, but it was too late for that.
There was no one she trusted. It was sad, desperately so, because she used to think she could trust everyone in her inner circle. But now she knew without a doubt that each and every one of them would crawl back to Edward with the slightest breath of her scheme. She couldn't afford that, so she had to figure something out alone. Somehow, she’d been pitted against her entire family. Those she loved the most, those who she thought would never betray her. Going solo had not been in her plans, and yet they’d left her with no choice. Edward had tried what he thought was the best path, but he'd been painfully wrong. His turn was over; she would play the game now, acting as the queen she'd made herself into. It had taken years of learning, growing, and sacrificing, but she could truly say she'd grown into the role.
Finding a set of weights in the closet, Bella used those and cardio exercises when she was alone. If she was going to break into a secure building, she couldn't go in feeling like overcooked spaghetti. Someone brought meals to her several times a day, and she made certain to go back to eating them. It only took a few days to feel good again, a few days to decide she was going rogue. As the saying went; when you’ve already lost everything, anything goes.
Zion had merely allowed them to live to die another day. Bella had been through enough, and she found it pathetic that her husband and the others continued to run around as if they had the answers when they clearly didn’t. Not that she felt certain about her own choices, but she was willing to admit they were flawed instead of strutting around pretending she was infallible. If silence reigned, if she had no one to speak with and hash out her thoughts, then she couldn't be expected to be perfect. Nor would she stumble around, blindly following an inflated ego.
Rose came in on the third day after Bella’s fight with Edward. She wore a perpetual frown, and Bella steeled herself for what she felt was coming. Setting a tray on the nightstand, Rose sat in a chair next to the bed and stared Bella down.
Pretending not to notice, Bella picked up the cup of soup and took a sip. “Thank you for bringing this to me.”
Rose sighed. “I wish you’d join us downstairs.”
Dropping her gaze, Bella said, “I can’t, Rose. Too much has happened for me to pretend otherwise.”
“Bella. You and I have been friends for so long, I consider you family.”
A flush covered her face. “I feel the same.”
“So cut the crap.”
Bringing her head up, Bella glared at her friend. Time had been kind to Rosalie, and she still barely looked over the age of thirty. “What is that supposed to mean?” Did Rose see right through her?
“You’re going to let go of him over this? You’re going to lose everything you worked for because a terrorist did something horrible?”
“I can’t even look at him, Rose.” Swallowing the sudden dryness in her throat, Bella took another sip of the warm soup. “If I don't respect him, how can I love him? It’s too much, too hard. He feels the same, you know.”
“That it’s time to give up?” Rose clarified. Bella nodded. “You could march your ass down there and say something to fix this.”
“Rose, I love you, but what I do is not up to you. Just like it’s not up to Edward, not anymore. Not ever again.”
“A house divided cannot stand. We, as a group, as the organization we once were, can’t keep on like this.”
“That’s fine by me. I never wanted this anyway, but I didn't have a choice before. Now I do.”
“And what do you think you’re going to do?” Rose shook her head. “You know what, never mind. I don't want to know.”
Without responding, Bella finished the soup and watched Rose watching her.
“Quinn wants to join the final mission.”
Though Bella had already figured as much, she hadn't heard him say it specifically. “He’s not built for this life, either. Do you really think he's capable of killing someone?”
“I think everyone is under the right circumstances.” Eyes narrowed, Rose said, “Take you, for example.”
“I’ve tried to step away from it. For years, I didn't have a reason to aim a weapon at another person.”
“But now it’s different.”
“Everything's different.” Bella scratched the back of her hand, unable to meet Rose’s keen gaze. “I don't feel comfortable in my own skin anymore.”
“Will you remain in this house and make him leave?”
Bella rolled her eyes. “Why are we talking about this again?”
“There’s an elephant hiding in the corner, and it’s not very subtle.”
“Neither are you with all your questions.” Shrugging, she continued, "Since there's no telling if we'll even live through this, we'll take things one day at a time. I may hate him more than I love him, but I can't kick him out of the house when this is the safest place for everyone to be. He's the father of my children. They'd worry."
"Then you're going to wait until the world is saved and split with your husband?"
"Sure looks like it."
"What would he have to do for you to forgive him?" Rose asked softly.
"If it was your mother . . ." Bella had to stop talking before the tears choked her.
"I'm sorry." Rose put her arm around her, and Bella leaned into the comfort.
Shaking her head, she felt teardrops plop on her hand. Despite often wondering what was real and what was not, the one thing that couldn't be denied was the sorrow creeping up her throat.
"You have a point." Rose circled her hand over Bella’s back. "I don't know how I'd react if my mother was targeted in this stupid game they're playing. I don't know who I'd blame or what I'd do with my feelings of loss."
They both turned their heads at a knock on the door.
"Who is it?" Bella called.
The door opened a crack. "ʼTis your favorite cousin, Seamus."
"Come in."
"There's, ah, there's been a development." Glancing between the two women, Seamus stood at the foot of the bed. "A team is going in, dead of night, to break into the facility and take back the bomb."
"The facility?" Rose asked.
"It's such a weird place to keep it, but rumor has it there used to be a lab there, " Seamus said. "A very high tech lab eons ago."
"I've seen some of the surveillance." Bella rubbed her gritty eyes. "Tall, glass, automatic weapons on motion sensors."
"Seems they're wasting their time dallying around."
"They aren't known to be fast-paced," Bella responded casually.
"No, the fookers." Clearly agitated, Seamus shook his head. "Takin' their sweet time rubbin' it in everyone's faces."
"There are civilian shelters available, called Vivos. Have we had any luck getting into one?" Bella questioned.
"None empty at the moment, I'm afraid. We've found blueprints to make our own, but there just isn't time," Seamus said.
She figured as much. "Will you tell me who's on the team?"
"Fook, even I don't know. Edward says he'll let us know who he picked right before time to leave."
To keep the information from her. Frankly, she was surprised Seamus was telling her the plan. "Thanks for letting me know."
He hesitated, resting a hand on the footboard. "Shall I send anyone up or pass on a message?"
She smiled sweetly, genuinely thankful for his kindness. "No, we're fine. Thanks."
Once he left, Rose turned back to Bella. "They're keeping you out of the loop for a good reason."
"I know."
"Don't go getting any bright ideas."
Bella sighed. "Didn't I tell you I'd stay here like a good little girl?"
"Yes, and we all believed you," Rose said sarcastically.
"Look at me, Rose. I'm in no shape to do anything stupid."
With a brow raised, Rose said, "I trust you, but you should know I've heard there will be an increase in bodyguards posted in the hall and outside each exterior door of the house."
Good to know. "Which screams trust."
"You're the one who practically had a meltdown about it. Can you blame them?"
"Of course not." Bella smiled at Rose. "I've been going to bed early, anyway."
Rose studied her face for several moments, and Bella kept her expression carefully blank. "Do you need anything?"
"No, sweetheart. Thanks for the soup."
"You're welcome. Love you, babe."
With a hug and a kiss on the cheek, Bella was left alone once again. Hurriedly, she jumped up and locked the door before heading into her walk-in closet. Previously, she'd hidden a few items she knew she'd need. Her micro-Bluetooth Headset, her custom Walther PPK handgun with extra clips, the Karambit knife that Edward had gifted her years ago, a length of throw line and carabiners, along with her personal lockpicks. It would have to suffice.
Stripping, she slid on all-black; an Under Armour long sleeve crew, leggings, and running shoes, and then French braided her hair on top to hide under a beanie. Considering how early it was, she decided to bring her pack into the bed and hide it and herself under the comforter. The only option was to use the balcony and her knowledge of the exact placement of the cameras to escape in the dark.
The time had come for her to show the disparity between a man determined to win no matter the cost, and a woman desperate to save her babies.
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| Seamus |
Knife looks dangerous.
ReplyDeleteLove the visuals.