Malicious Compliance Chapter Six

“I’ve known for a long time.” When a server came over to ask if Bella wanted a drink, she ordered a whiskey neat.

At her choice, Edward’s nose wrinkled. He’d forgotten she drank the same as him. “If you know, then why are you with him?”

She fiddled with her cocktail napkin, not meeting his gaze. “I met him through a mutual friend, and he’s very nice.” Finally, she looked up. “After talking a bit and going on a few dates, we became a couple in the usual manner.”

“What changed?” Though he didn't want to be, Edward was drawn to her, leaning closer and staring at her red lips as she spoke.

“Austin didn't start off giving me things except for the occasional flowers. Or he’d buy an expensive bottle of wine when I cooked for him.” Quietly, Bella thanked the server for her drink, then began running her forefinger around the rim of the glass. “After a few months, he started disappearing on me.”

“Disappearing?” Out of the corner of his eye, Edward spotted Jasper and the waitress slip down the hall leading to the bathrooms.

“He wouldn't answer my calls until many hours later, and he always said he was working when I wanted to spend time with him. So, I confronted him. I asked if we were over, because it seemed he didn't want to be with me anymore.”

“Did you . . .” It almost killed him to finish the sentence. “Have sex?”

“Yes,” she whispered. “I didn't intend to be his beard, Edward. I thought we had a connection, that we got along well and had similar interests. But when I asked if he wanted to break up, he sort of had a meltdown.”

A headache began to brew behind his eyes. How could he feel sorry for this man he should hate?

“Turns out, he had one very similar interest. He'd recently discovered his attraction for a coworker, but he didn’t want to break up with me. I told him I wasn’t looking for a threesome, and it was either me or her.” Bella’s laugh was bitter enough to make Edward’s heart hurt. “Imagine my surprise when he said it was a he, not a her.”

“So he’s bisexual and hiding it?”

Nodding, Bella finally gulped down some of her drink. “Austin’s father would kill him if he found out he’s in love with his business partner, Eric. Austin is on track to take over as CEO of the family company soon.”

“And where do you fit into this mess?”

Again, Bella laughed bitterly. “I’ve been wondering the same myself.”

oOo

Though it was embarrassing, it felt good to get it off her chest. The emotions she’d felt when Austin told her about his sexuality had never had an outlet. Confusion, hurt, relief, they ran the gauntlet. 

“You didn’t turn him or anything, you know.”

“No, I just made him realize he doesn’t enjoy pussy as much as he thought.”

Edward’s emerald eyes heated. “Again, I guarantee it isn’t your pussy that turned him onto men.”

Shrugging, Bella said, “At any rate, we don’t sleep together anymore. Sometimes I stay at his condo if his father is in town, but that's it. So you see, it doesn’t matter to him if I have a fuck buddy, as long as it isn’t a public relationship that makes his dad think I’m cheating on him.”

“But why have you stayed?”

“Honestly?” Meeting his gaze was difficult, but she forced herself to do it. “I like him, and I hate that his sexual preferences could cost him his life's work. I want to help him because it's not fair that his father is a bigot, and it's not forever." 

“Does he pay you to keep quiet?”

She could tell the idea was a line he didn’t want her to cross. “No, but he buys me things out of guilt. I sell them and put the money in my savings account since I still dream of opening a bakery one day.”

“Are you still a chef at L’Orangerie?”

Nodding, Bella went back to studying the glass of whiskey. “It pays the bills, but it’s not everything I want out of life.”

“Do you know what you want?”

“I want to go back in time.”

He snorted, and she smiled sadly, watching the lights glint off his silver rings.

“I know what I had, Edward.”

“What was that?”

Looking up, she said, “I had everything.”

oOo

Edward’s gut told him she was sincere, but his heart told him to run in the opposite direction. “But you blew it anyway.”

“I only realized it after you left. I thought you’d never leave, that no matter how horrendous I was, you’d put up with me because you loved me unconditionally. It was immature, and I’ve regretted it every day since you walked out my door.”

“That might never be enough for me.” He saw the pain in her eyes when she looked up, and knew it was harsh to say. But it was the truth.

“I understand.”

“Do you?”

Frowning, she asked, “Do I what?”

“Understand what you put me through?”

He watched the curtain of her hair fall over her face as she gazed at her lap. “Maybe not. I know I hurt you deeply with my words and actions. I know I let my insecurities about Renee rule our life, and I shouldn’t have. I was terrified we’d have kids and not be able to afford to feed them. My job wasn't where I wanted it to be, and I lashed out every time a bill was a tiny bit late.”

"We weren't at the marriage and kids stage yet."

Her head went back and forth, and he saw an emotion he'd never be able to name. "You can't fathom what hunger does to a child. True, gnawing stomach pains, when you can't remember the last time you ate. When you're alone because your mother is selling her body for whatever she can get, and she's passed out in an alley or a dealer's car after her fix."

Tears formed, burning the backs of his eyes. "Baby, we wouldn't ever have done that to our children."

"There was simply no way for me to overcome that trauma-induced irrational fear. If I'd accidentally gotten pregnant, you would have proposed, and I would've said yes. No question, no hesitation. Because that's how deep it went between us."

Edward sat forward, his voice low. "And to you, it then follows that we'd be like Renee? That you wouldn't go hungry yourself to ensure our child ate? Not to mention the lengths I would have gone to. Bella, I would die before starving my own kid, or any kid for that matter."

Bella pressed her fingertips beneath her eyes, and he appreciated that she'd never been the type to cry to get her way. "I didn't want to even be in that situation. To force you to choose between skipping meals or leaving me behind once you realized the burden I'd created." She blew out a heavy breath, and he hoped she realized how fucked up she sounded. "Just so you know, I've been in therapy since we broke up."

"Did it help?"

Biting down hard on her bottom lip, she nodded without speaking. 

"Then you know what to do about Austin, and all the rest. You have the tools to be happy." Rising, he leaned over the table and tapped on it. "Use them."

For once, walking off didn't feel as good as he expected it to. 

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