Bella
Whatever it was that Ward couldn't tell me must be awful. More than awful; it had to be traumatizing. Wanting to know every tiny thing about him wasn't necessarily my right, not if he couldn't talk about it without breaking down. I’d have to give him time, and just love him as he loved me.
He’d come to me broken, and though I wished I could make him whole again, I wasn’t a miracle worker. We could only take life one day at a time, filling the cracks with as much love as possible until he was fully healed.
Since I wasn't going to press him, I suggested going inland to buy a burner phone. The corner drugstore here in town didn’t have the right kind, or we could just pick one up from there. As the sun set at our backs, I drove with the windows down. Ward held my hand on the console, and I could pretend everything was perfect for the moment as the wind wove its fingers through my hair. And then I figured we could have dinner somewhere low key. Ward had paid for our first date, and I would pay for this one. But first, the phone.
Keeping his head down and the bill of his cap over his face, I had to admit Ward reminded me of the guy in my shop. He didn't want the security cameras to pick up enough of his face to make an identification, and he seemed to have an innate knowledge of how to move to prevent it. Quickly choosing an untraceable phone that didn't require a service provider, we headed to the register and used the self checkout. Though he handed me cash, I realized Ward stood behind me and to the side so the camera on the register couldn't detect him.
His cautiousness brought it all home for me. There really wasn’t a time he could be himself, casually and out in the open.
Once we climbed in my car, I handed him the bag. He dug out the phone and peeled it from the plastic packaging, powering it on and plugging it into my cigarette lighter with the adapter he’d bought.
“It needs to charge,” he said needlessly, dragging his palms over his pants a few times.
In the meantime, I pulled in at a fastfood drive-in so we wouldn't have to get out or turn off the car. Ward smiled at me, a grateful expression on his face.
“I love that you think of these things,” he said.
“Just trying to help.”
He pulled me in for a kiss as a voice crackled through the speaker. Ward pointed to what he wanted, and I ordered for us. Then he settled into the seat, focused on the phone. By the time our order arrived, he’d bent his head over the screen to hide his face from the view of the carhop.
“Thanks,” I said, tipping them and rolling up the window.
“Damn, that smells good.”
Absent-mindedly, Ward grabbed a few fries from the bag and stuffed them in his mouth while he watched the phone screen. The icon said the battery was at 3%, and I felt the anxiousness radiating off him.
“Given the time difference, I would expect her to be at home looking over case notes.”
The idea he could speak to his sister in the next few minutes, easing both their worries, made my heart beat too fast. “What if she doesn’t answer?”
He shrugged, glancing over at me. “I'm not even sure what to say if she does answer.”
“All you need to say is that you’re safe.”
“I also need to ask if anyone has been sniffing around.” Scrubbing his hands over his face, Ward picked up his hamburger and took a bite. We ate in silence for a few minutes, but everything tasted bland through my heightened emotions.
After a while, he met my eyes again. “More than anything, I want to hear her voice.”
“I understand.” After all, what would I give to hear my mother’s voice? Or my father’s deep laugh?
“Do you think—” He broke off.
Running my thumb over the back of his hand, I asked, “What?”
“Do you think she’ll be ashamed of me?”
Fucking hell; this man was so precious to me. “How could she be ashamed of how far you’ve come? She loved you through prison and beyond, baby.”
Nodding, he wiped his hands on a napkin and picked the phone back up. The battery was at 7%, so he powered it on. With trembling fingers, he punched in Beth’s number and held the phone to his ear. Instinctively, I reached out to clasp his free hand.
“Beth.” He had to pause and clear his throat, and I realized he was speaking to her voicemail. “Fuck, I’m so sorry.”
Tightening my grip on him, I tried to convey how strongly I stood with him. Hopefully, I could infuse him with courage.
“I’m safe, but I need to know if you’re safe, too. Please call this number when you can. I don't care what time it is; please let me know they’re not after you.”
He hung up, picking up a napkin and dabbing at his eyes. We sat in silence for several moments, and then he gulped some of his drink.
“She’ll call.”
“Unless they’ve already gotten to her.”
God, I hadn't thought of it that way. “I believe she’s safe, and I think she believes the same about you.”
With a grateful smile, he said, “Your optimism helps more than you know.”
We left, heading back to Ward’s apartment. Heidi greeted us at the door, and Ward kept the phone in his pocket while we walked her together. Maybe she sensed something, or maybe she was too well-trained for anything else, but she was a bit subdued as we watched the last of the sun disappear behind the bay.
Somehow, it felt like an eternity had passed since we’d been at my apartment on Saturday and Sunday. Anticipation of our first time at his place raced along my veins as we headed back, but I pushed it away. Knowing how drained he was after a long day at work and dealing with so many emotions, I suggested we go to bed as soon as we returned from our walk. It wasn't very late, and I didn’t know if I'd sleep, but he needed the rest. It probably wouldn’t hurt me to get a few extra hours of downtime, either.
We took turns in the bathroom, mainly because it was too small for the both of us, and then slipped into the bed side-by-side. He had a double bed, so it was a good thing I planned to spend the hours close against him. As soon as our heads hit the pillows, Ward pulled me to his chest and enveloped me in his warmth. He smelled so good, his heartbeat thrumming in time with mine, and emotions surged through me. The scruff on his jaw tickled my ear when he murmured his love for me.
Tingles spread, but I suppressed my desire. Unless he initiated something, I would make myself behave. “I love you, too,” I told him, quiet in the darkening night.
Minutes later, he was fast asleep. All I could do was stare at the wall, listening to Heidi get comfortable on the rug. The refrigerator kicked in, the humming noise a nice backdrop to the otherwise oppressive silence. When tears trickled down the side of my face, I turned into the pillow to dry them.
There was no hint of sun when I felt Ward kiss my temple. Blinking, I watched him hover over me, fully dressed for work. “I wish I could stay.”
His whisper made an ache pulse in my core, but I only lifted up and kissed his soft mouth. “Be careful.”
“You too.”
He left, locking the door, and I sat up, unable to sleep anymore. Heidi was in the kitchen eating from her bowl, so I decided I might as well get a shower and head home to take care of my own fur baby. The pressure was stingy, but at least the water got hot.
Feeling more awake, I pulled on yesterday’s clothes and wondered idly if we should leave a few things at each other’s apartments. With a quick scrub on the head for Heidi, I headed out, turning the bottom lock behind me.
The sun was barely making an entrance over the horizon as I drove home. I wanted coffee and something sugary to start my day, but I needed fresh clothes and to check on Charlie first. Making it fast, I pulled on jean shorts and my red Chucks, tying my favorite bandana over a messy bun to hide my hair’s unwashed status.
Downstairs, the bakery had just opened their doors as I entered the kitchen. Since Alice was busy ringing up customers, I helped myself to coffee and then nearly drooled at the almond croissants Jasper was dusting with powdered sugar.
“I guess I know what I’m having this morning,” I commented.
Jasper grinned at me, taking one off the tray and plating it before taking the rest to the front. I was alone for the time being, so I peeled off a chunk of flaky layers and tried not to orgasm in the middle of my friends’ business.
Alice came to the back, Jasper right behind her. “You owe me so many explanations.”
“I know.” Nodding, I swallowed some coffee to wash down my bite. “There’s a lot to talk about.”
“I’ll be over here, totally eavesdropping and pretending I’m not,” Jasper said.
Chuckling, I pulled Alice to the table they used for breaks. “Ward is absolutely amazing.”
“He must be, since you broke your vow of celibacy for him.”
I rolled my eyes. “It wasn’t a vow, per se.”
“I was positive you’d become a born-again virgin, honey.” Waving her hand to dismiss that statement, she leaned closer. “How is he?”
Glancing over my shoulder, I saw Jasper sliding more trays of croissants out of the oven. “Insanely good.”
Alice made a whooping sound, and I blushed. “That’s what I’m talking about!”
Trying to hide my embarrassment—albeit mild, because they knew everything about me—I picked at my breakfast. “It’s not just good sex. He’s so sweet, always putting me ahead of himself.”
“Is he still, you know, shy? Every time I see him, he’s very jumpy.”
“Well.” I lowered my voice again. “You know what we talked about? Where he came from before he moved here?”
Alice nodded.
“That made him jumpy. He doesn't like to be touched without forewarning, and he misses his family back home.”
That felt like a gross understatement, but I would not spill Ward’s carefully guarded secrets, not even to my dearest friend.
She tapped her nails on the table. “Jasper said Ward was crying when he came in on Sunday. Is he okay?”
“Yeah.” I took a sip of coffee. “Mama asked about his sister, and it brought some raw emotions to the surface.”
“Poor guy. He seems so nice.”
“He is.” Smiling, I thought about how much I loved him. “He has flaws like everyone else, but he’s such a good man.”
“God, I’m so happy for you, babe. You deserve it.”
“Thanks.”
Alice had to get up to serve a customer, and Jasper wandered over while she was gone. “He treating you right?”
“Of course. I’m smarter than that.” I’d never be with a man who wasn't.
“I figured as much. Just wanted to throw my big brother routine at you, since I don't want to scare him off with a hard glare and threat of death if he hurts you.”
With a delighted laugh, I rose and kissed Jasper on the cheek. “Thanks, big bro, but he would never put himself first. He’s incredibly selfless.”
“You know, maybe we don't talk as much as you and Alice, but you sure dated so many douchebags in the past.”
As if I needed a reminder of my horrible choices. “In my teens, maybe.”
“And then you seemed to shut yourself off from love, only going on one dinner date every full moon.”
“It was every harvest moon, thank you very much.”
Jasper laughed. “Anyway, I’m happy for you.”
“I appreciate it.”
Their kind words filled me for the rest of the day while I opened up the shop, changed the blackboard out front to a standard hiring message, and restocked books. I knew I’d chosen the right man for me, and it pleased me to know everyone else saw it too. All the times I’d tried to convince Ward he was a pure soul, I didn't think he truly agreed with me. Perhaps he thought I was blinded by love, or even lying. But everyone close to me saw the same thing. Riley had mentioned it a time or two, and Alice and Jasper had validated that.
I would set aside my questions about his secrets because I respected him enough to let him choose when to tell me. In the end, I couldn't imagine anything bad enough that I would change my mind about how deeply I loved him. Once upon a time, I’d envisioned him being an assassin, and I would love him even if that were true. I had a wild imagination, but I was sensible, too. After years in prison, nothing he could say about what might have happened to him would surprise me. If it were me, that wasn't something I’d want to talk about readily.
At the end of the day, I would support him in all things; helping him reach out to Beth and finding a way to live his life unafraid.
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| Beth |
Very nice.
ReplyDeleteBeth is beautiful.