With the money I made during the month of August, I was able to pay off all of the debt that my husband had accrued. This helped me to begin saving money to pay a ranch hand to start by the beginning of September.
It was something we didn't speak about; the elephant in the room, as Jess had said. Edward had to leave soon, and I clung to him. We had discovered every inch of each other’s bodies, our likes and dislikes. Edward had tried using his mouth on me, and I was astonished at the new sensations he created. He brought me to screaming orgasms regularly, until my eyes rolled back in my head and I went limp like overcooked spaghetti.
I never complained.
We were in the horse barn early one morning in the middle of the week. We'd only been outside for a handful of minutes observing Lucy, who was pregnant. I was so excited to have a foal, another experience I'd missed greatly. We moved her to a bigger stall with extra straw, and checked on her regularly.
Feeling bold and mischievous, I stepped in front of Edward and started unfastening his pants.
“Bella, what—holy shit.”
He couldn't even form a sentence as I kneeled, pulling him out of his pants and stroking him until he hardened. When I lowered my head and closed my mouth around his length, he fell back against the stall door for support.
I licked, sucked, and swirled my tongue. It wasn't my favorite thing to do, in all honesty, but I enjoyed the way he would come undone. There was nothing but the sound of Edward moaning and soft whinnying from the horses around us.
“Oh, God, Bella, I'm gonna come. You'd better—"
Already resolved to see it through, I sucked harder until he exploded in my mouth. I kept my eyes tightly closed as he settled down and the taste of him lingered on the back of my tongue. He sighed unevenly as I fixed his pants and stood so that there was no evidence of what I'd just done.
“I hadn't yet given you a proper good morning,” I said with a wink and a laugh. It made me happy to feel so light, like I could float away with a slight breeze.
“And quite a greeting it was, Miss Bella.”
“Happy to oblige, especially after that thing you did last night. Good God, I didn't know it was possible to feel that way. Like I was burning from the inside out, and then everything coalesced.” I almost lost myself in reminiscing about how it felt.
He grinned. “Maybe I'll do it again tonight, then.”
I laughed at that thought. “Oh, really? Maybe—"
“Hello!” someone called from outside the barn.
I moved several feet away from the stalls and Edward, running a hand over my braid and brushing off the knees of my pants. My heart was racing away at the idea of how close we came to being caught.
“In here, Michael!” I called.
I faced the door as he came around the corner, his face red from the sun and his hat in his hands. His sweaty hair was stuck flat to his head. “Miss Bella. Edward.” He nodded at the both of us in turn.
“What can I do for you?”
“Well, Jess wanted me to come by and ask if you have any of that apple butter yet this season. Said she'd be willin’ to pay ya for it.”
“Oh. Well, I made some last week, but I've yet to take the time to do a big batch. Why don't you take her what I have, but no charge.” I smiled at him, pleased that they liked my recipe.
He slapped his hat on his thigh as he seemed to think through his next words. “Well, you see, Jess isn't happy with the brand I stock in the store. Says yours is better. So I kinda want to come ever so often to buy some from ya."
I felt my face flush. “Oh.”
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Edward walk off toward the back of the horse barn. Michael wanted to know if I could make enough apple butter and pumpkin butter to have a small section on his store shelves. As the seasons changed, so did my options for produce and the types of jams and jellies I could make.
“I have some frog jam ready from earlier this summer if you're interested. I can't eat it all myself, why don't I give you what I have and the rest of my apple butter. Let's go into the cellar.”
I lead him to the door of my cellar and down the steps. It was the only place on the entire farm that was less than ninety degrees. I waved my hand around until I found the hanging cord to turn on the bare bulb hanging from the low ceiling.
“Ah, here you go.”
I handed over what Michael could carry, some going in his pockets. He handed me a wad of cash, like he'd stuffed several bills into his pockets instead of using a wallet.
“No, please take all of that at no charge. We're neighbors, remember?”
He shuffled his feet. “See, Miss Bella, the thing is, my wife would kill me if I didn't pay ya. She was adamant.”
“Oh.” My face heated. “Thank you.” I tried to be gracious instead of feeling awkward.
I walked him to his truck and watched as he pulled out of my dirt driveway. I had to shade my face with my hand as the sun reached its mid-morning height. The wind blew my chimes around and I searched for Edward in the yard. I didn't see him, so I went back into the barn.
“Well, that was interesting,” I said as I found him staring into Lucy's stall.
“I'm so happy for you, Bella. You're making friends and creating new sources of income. You'll be able to hire someone soon.” He brushed at the hair that came loose from my braid. “You never have to be alone again.”
I looked at him as he spoke, seeing the sadness in his eyes, and then rested my head on his chest and wrapped my arms around him. Neither of us spoke again, separating several minutes later to go about our chores.
oOo
Later that week we were drinking coffee on the porch swing, wrapped up in each other as we stared up at the stars. I felt the way his shoulders shook lightly as he cried, and my heart broke for the millionth time. I didn't address it; I didn't know what to say. He'd made it clear he was leaving, and I didn't feel like I had the right to try to change his mind. He held me tighter, his chin on my head as his tears dried up. The night was noisy, cicadas buzzing and bullfrogs calling to each other. Sorrow rose up to drown me, but I shoved it back down. It wouldn't do me any good now.
Our time during the day was devoted to the property, as always. Our nights, though, were spent tangled together in my bed. My back arched off the mattress, moaning in anticipation of what was to come as Edward slid down my trembling body. His tongue roamed as I panted, finally finding where I was wettest and stroking his tongue over me. I gripped his hair as my hips involuntarily bucked against his face. It was indescribable, exquisite pain mixed with the overwhelming pleasure. It built until it collapsed, leaving me breathless and quivering. Immediately he moved up, his hands touching my nipples while I cried out for him.
“Edward, I need you.”
“I'm here, Bella.” He pushed inside me, his breathing as harsh as if he'd plowed a field. He always started off moving slowly until he was positive he wasn't hurting me, and then he'd let loose and pound his hips into mine. It didn't seem to bother him anymore that he was often quick to finish. I'd assured him plenty that I couldn't care less. He was incredibly tender and thoughtful with me, and I simply relished the time we were intimate.
We slept close each night, one part of ourselves constantly touching the other. We were all too aware that our time together was ending, and we cherished what we had left.
oOo
Time was slipping away from us. He only had one week left, and I struggled with getting my chores done. I wanted to curl around Edward and never bother with the sunlight again. She had turned into a cruel mistress, reminding me day in and day out that the world would keep revolving regardless of my pain.
Time went by in lurches and bumps. Mornings were quick paced, while afternoons dragged. The need to be near each other meant nothing was being accomplished except the very necessities. We talked instead, about Edward's childhood and his father's expectations of him. The pressure he'd always felt to be faster, smarter, better. Perfect. True, it had molded him into an outstanding man, but at what cost? He felt distanced from his family, like their love was conditional. He admitted that he felt different here, content to not be under pressure. He discovered he enjoyed the physical labor and the payoff that eventually came from a well-tended garden or a gently cared for animal. He was comfortable here, settled in his soul, but conflicted about his obligations. I couldn't make his decisions for him, despite the nagging urge to beg him to stay.
On the last day, we fed the chickens, gathered their eggs, milked the cows and talked about whether I had the money to buy an electric butter churn. We cleaned the horse stalls and fed them, checking in on Lucy.
We went inside, eating chicken salad sandwiches that Edward made from leftovers. We remained in silence, neither speaking of what was to come. We sat in the living room an hour before the taxi was due to arrive. I realized there were things I needed to tell him before he went.
“Nobody has ever been as kind to me, as respectful to me, as you are. Not since my mother, has anyone cared about my feelings. You lightened my load around here, but it was so much more than that. It’s a level of caring that I’m not used to, and I want to say thank you.”
“All I did was listen to you. What you said, and what you were afraid to say. I care because I'm compassionate. I was taught to pull my own weight, and you were doing the work of three people. I didn't want you to serve me on top of that. I'm really proud of you and what you’ve accomplished.”
His words clawed at my knotted heart. I buried my face in his shirt and cried. “You have to leave soon.”
“Yes.”
He pulled me into his lap and kissed me softly, and I knew this would be our last time. I had been tempted more than once to stop taking my birth control. A tiny Edward would have given me some hope, something to cling to, but it would have been foolish. Resolved to send him off properly, I pulled at his shirt until he took it off. When we were both undressed, I pushed him back onto the couch and straddled his lap. His breath stuttered and I moved slowly, kissing him and looking directly into his eyes the entire time. I hoped he saw love, admiration, and respect. When I couldn't hold the tears at bay, he kissed them from my cheeks. As my emotions overcame me, my legs tensed around his and I held on tightly, feeling his release shortly after mine.
Knowing I had to move and actually being able to were two different things. Only the thought of his cab arriving soon made me stand and go to my room to clean up and redress. Edward bounded up the stairs, and I wondered if that was the last time I'd hear heavy footsteps over my head and the creak of the water pipes as the shower came on.
When he made it back to the living room, we silently stepped out onto the porch, Edward carrying his bag to set at the top of the steps. I wrapped my arms around him and held on, knowing I'd never fit more perfectly anywhere else than I did in his arms. The breeze blew, and I spotted the puffs of dirt created by an oncoming car. Edward kissed my forehead and picked up his bag, walking down the porch steps and into the driveway as the faded yellow vehicle approached. Nothing was said, there were no tears left in my eyes. My windchimes clanged cheerfully as my stomach seized up. I didn't wave, simply clutched my arms around my waist and held my chin high as my love disappeared in a cloud of dust.
oOo
I realize that some of you might be wondering what in the world frog jam is, so I thought I would include a recipe. It stands for Fig-Raspberry-Orange-Ginger. I've even seen a toe jam—Tangerine-Orange-Elderberry.
F.R.O.G. Jam recipe:
(Makes 5-6 half pints of jam)
4 cups fresh figs
½ cup orange juice
2 ½ cups fresh raspberries
1 tsp fresh ginger, peeled
1 ½ cups granulated sugar
3 Tbs low sugar pectin
1 Tbs fresh lemon juice
*For hoppin' frog jam, add one seeded and chopped jalapeño
Directions:
~In a blender, purée figs with orange juice until smooth.
~Add raspberries and ginger and blend until combined.
~Pour mixture into a large pot and add sugar and pectin.
~Bring mixture to a boil over medium heat and boil gently, stirring occasionally, until thickened.
~While fruit is cooking, place jar lids in a saucepan of water and simmer. Get jars and lids ready and have a large pot of water heating on the stove.
~Fill each jar, leaving ½ an inch headspace, and then place a lid and a ring on the jars.
~Process jars in a water bath for 12 minutes.
~Remove from canner and let sit untouched until the jars have cooled and the lids have popped.
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