The rest of July went by in a blur. I was trying my best to live in the moment, to enjoy Edward and everything he had to offer. He was witty; he made me laugh until I almost peed in my pants. He was caring, insisting I took Sundays off while he tended to the animals. He was solicitous, constantly asking if I felt okay or if he’d hurt me. I was going out of my mind with lust for him some days, and I got a little carried away. I had to assure him that I liked it when he took control and that it didn't hurt or frighten me. I’d discovered his birthday was back in June and I insisted on baking him a cake. We might or might not have ended up with flour in interesting crevices.
When August came, we had to go back to employee/employer, at least for one day. We sat on the porch swing, one of us at each end, as Rose turned into my driveway in her truck. Alice Whitlock pulled in behind her, and we watched as they got out with their children. Two combines came behind them, one driven by Emmett and the other by Alice’s husband Jasper. They passed us and went on to the wheat fields to park.
“That’s Jasper in the Stetson, and his wife Alice there, and their daughter Penelope. Rose and Emmett’s kids are Sara and Jason,” I told him of the newcomers.
“Okay. Thanks.”
A long van came down the street and turned into the yard. Edward looked over at me and I smiled. “That’s Mike and Jessica. He runs the grocery store. Wait until you see their kids.” I had a feeling he would laugh at their huge brood. I was honestly a little jealous at how much Mike loved his wife and the beautiful family they had created. It was humorous to see Edward’s brows raised as he turned to me after all their kids piled out. “They’re a really happy family.”
“And Catholic, by the looks of it.”
I snorted.
Everybody made their way to the porch and came up to us to say hello. I knew all of their names and tried to address them personally. I kneeled and listened to little Penelope try to tell me a story about falling and hurting her knee. Jason was irritated that Rose caught him trying to put a frog in his sister’s bed and he was punished.
“A whole week I couldn't go help Dad. It’s not fair.”
“Well, how would Sara have felt if she’d found the frog? You’re her big brother and she looks up to you. You have to set an example.”
“Yeah, I guess, Miss Bella.”
I couldn't help pulling him to me for a brief hug. He smiled at me before running off to climb Emmett’s leg. I turned at the sound of the swing bouncing hard as six kids thought they could reach the porch ceiling with their feet.
“I think it’s time to go inside and make a game plan, what do you say?” Alice said.
I nodded in gratitude. We all went into the house for a few minutes, where it was determined that the two pregnant ladies would stay in with the kids while the rest of the adults would get started on the fields.
Mike took the keys to Jasper’s truck, and Edward jumped in the bed. I tried not to ogle the long muscles of his forearms as he swung himself up. I had to get my own combine out of the large shed where I stored what machinery I had, and it was a good way to keep from being distracted. I double checked the feeder house and the drive belt, though I knew Emmett and Edward had done cursory checks of the machines a few weeks ago. The sound of the engine was loud in the confined space, but it brought a sense of excitement to me as I thought about the day ahead. It had always thrilled me to see what my land could produce, the fertile way she exploded with whatever I planted in her soil. Be it corn, wheat, or a simple potato, I could grow and harvest almost anything on my farm. It made me proud of the generations of Higginbothams that owned this land and cared for it, and the fact that it was still mine, still in the family. The county had strict laws when I was younger about the age of landowners. I could have lost everything more than once. First when my mother died, if I hadn't been married to someone old enough for the land to pass to, and again, when that same man almost ruined what he’d been given. What he should never have been given. I didn't think I could have emancipated, though I thought of it when I was newly married. I thought of running far and never looking back, but the land called to me with her rich offerings. It was hard to explain to anyone that had never lived that life.
The machine under me rumbled loudly as I drove it out to the field. The wheat was beautiful, a pale amber color that waved in the strong Oklahoma wind. Emmett and Jasper were staggered in their vehicles, and I lined up to their right, dropping the head on my machine and starting forward.
The biggest thing about harvesting any crop, besides the physical, is the amount of time available to think. It was tradition, every summer, albeit an unavoidable tradition. It wasn’t my favorite thing to do when I was married, since my husband would drive the combine and I would tackle small sections with a scythe, but it wouldn't be so bad this year. It was early but plenty hot, and wheat dust poured out of the back of the two combines in front of me. I had a small portable radio that I clicked on and it spit static at me until it picked up some unknown station playing something gentle and soothing. Emmett reached the end of the first row and circled to make a new row. Jasper followed, lining up next to him and just slightly overlapping rows. I reached the end of mine and mimicked their turns. It was calming, the routine of it all, and my head wandered a bit to the end of the month.
Edward would go back to Washington. He would begin a career in a fancy office that his daddy owned, and I would remain here. I would bring in the apples and the pears, I would plant winter wheat, and I would have to hire a new hand. It was something I’d been putting off the thought of, because anybody new was a huge adjustment to me. I didn't trust easily, but it was important to find someone reliable that had experience. I didn't think I could handle training anyone; I would be in misery as it was, with nothing to look forward to but a cold bed at the end of the night.
I brought my thoughts to a halt as my grain tank became full. Mike drove over with the truck when we stopped and let Emmett empty his grain first. It was monotonous but it was familiar, and the morning passed quickly. Rose would instruct Edward and Mike how to separate the grain that would be kept from the stuff I would sell. It had to dry first, and they would be using the grain elevator to store it in the silo. I’d have to bale the straw left in the field at some point, and since rain wasn't in the forecast for a few days, I didn't have to hurry. I could use it for winter feed for the steers along with some of the lesser quality grain. I would sell what I could, but it wasn't my biggest profit generator. A second wave of corn would be ready soon, and that would help add money to my coffers.
When we broke for lunch, Alice and Jessica had a few platters of sandwiches waiting for us near the house, along with lemonade and iced tea. I stopped in my tracks when Edward came around the corner of the barn. He’d removed his shirt, and his glistening skin was coated in a thin layer of dust from the wheat. I swallowed a suddenly parched throat and looked away before anyone noticed. The sight was etched into my brain; his bare skin was sun-kissed and sweaty, the definition in his muscles so very apparent. I grabbed the nearest glass and gulped its contents without even tasting it, then took another glass and a few sandwiches to sit on a tree stump by myself. I kept separate from the others, a habit I’d grown into, and they left me alone.
The day burned on, growing hotter and more stifling. Jasper was the one to take the last row of my modest wheatfield, and I sat in my idling tractor and watched with pride. Mike and Edward came and unloaded the last of the grain, and we all went inside my blessedly cool house to clean up and eat the dinner that Alice and Jessica made for us. My home was full in a way I couldn't recall it ever being before, though it must have been at some point when Mama and Daddy were alive. It made my swelling heart want to explode. Children played on the floor, or, in Penelope’s case, curled in her father’s lap. Emmett had a loud laugh that made me smile reflexively. Rose sat near me but didn't bother me with inane talk. Jessica never stopped babbling, but I couldn't even find it in me to care. Well, until she brought up my dead husband.
“Are we going to see you on Sundays, Bella?” Jess asked.
“I suppose so, if you want me to come,” I answered, looking at my lap. Suddenly the dirt stains were fascinating as she invited me to church and lunch after.
“Oh, honey, we’ve always wanted you to come, you know that wasn't the problem.”
Mike tried to shut his wife up, but she had a pretty big mouth. “No, Mike, we all know about the elephant in the room. Why shouldn't I tell her that we always wanted to get to know her away from that overbearing husband of hers but never got the chance.”
My gut rolled, the chili threatening to come back the way it had gone thirty minutes ago. “Um, I’d rather not talk about him.”
“Sorry, but know that you have a standing invitation for Sunday lunch. That's all I’ll say for now.”
“Thank God,” Mike muttered.
Everyone went back to talking about something else, and Edward went into the kitchen to do the dishes with Alice. He was the first to offer to help in any situation, and that eagerness to share the burden would serve him well as he worked toward his future goals. Though we didn't speak of it that often, I knew he was going to be the chief financial officer for his company after he rose through the ranks. He would begin in the mail room as any new hire with little experience or training, but I had no doubt he’d move swiftly up what they called the ladder. He was smart and hardworking, and loyal. It was those qualities that I admired in him that would take him from me and damn me to a life of loneliness. He would go and do his duty because he was loyal to his family. I was but a blip on the radar of his life.
I glanced at him as he came out of the kitchen and couldn't quite meet his gaze. I didn't want the wave of despair I was pushing down to reach him.
I’m living in the moment, I reminded myself. Tonight we would sleep because we were exhausted, but tomorrow we would go back to the relationship we’d built. It was fun, easy, and light. It was not depressing, and I had to control my thoughts of the future as so many people filled my living room, or I would erupt.
Everyone soon left, as little ones tired out to drift asleep on shoulders and even adults had trouble concealing their yawns. I said goodbye to each of them, thanking them in turn for their contribution. Only as Alice called for Edward to come out of the kitchen did I realize he was still there, alone. He came to stand by my side, and yes, my heart fluttered at the thoughts that conjured. The door shut resolutely, and I locked it while fighting conflicting emotions. Rusty plopped his butt in front of the door and dropped his head to sleep. How simple life was for animals.
“I'm completely beat,” I said, before anything more desperate came rushing out.
“Me, too.”
“Let's get some sleep.” Let’s talk.
“Yeah.”
My hand massaged my heart as we set about turning off lamps and ensuring the house was closed up for the night. My hideaway bedroom was suddenly a prison, keeping me from openly declaring that I’d follow Edward anywhere his life took him. I knew I’d stay put like I had my whole life. The farm was my home, my livelihood, and all I had. I loved it with a sickness, a possession that would be unhealthy if aimed at a person. Nothing and no one would change that about me, not even the man I loved. I showered and waited for him with eyes wide open while he took a turn. Then we held tight in that bed, an unseen clock counting down the days.
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