Alice was . . . an entity of her own. She was cute, knowledgeable, and not afraid to make fun of herself. Bella thought Alice and Jasper would make a great couple, but that would require Jasper to stop putting his dick in every woman who glanced his way.
After touring an exhausting number of places available both for rent or purchase, Edward and Bella were ready to call it a day. Even Alice’s perfectly pressed skirt suit had begun to look a little disheveled.
“I’m sorry for making you run around so much,” Bella said to the both of them.
“No, honey.” Alice wagged her finger. “It needs to be perfect. If a location doesn't speak to you, it’s not the one.”
“Kind of like dating,” Edward muttered.
“Exactly.” Alice scrolled through her phone. “For now, it looks like we’ve covered everything currently on the market. If something new pops up, I’ll send you a text.”
Sliding into the passenger seat of Bella’s car, Edward asked, “What now?”
Rubbing her temples, she tried to think. “I don't know. My brain feels fried.”
“My place? I can make dinner.”
“Sure.” She smiled over at him, pleased he was open to her being in his space again.
Edward’s loft was in a more colorful part of town, which Bella used to look down on when she lived there with him. It had been several years since she’d been a resident, but the warehouse appeared not to have changed much. The brick was the same faded red, the huge bay doors still consisted of cloudy glass squares framed by flaking black paint. She pulled in next to his bike, salivating at the mental images of Edward straddling the seat of that beast.
“Bella.”
Whipping her head in his direction, Bella realized she’d frozen in place. “Sorry.”
Almost shaking herself, she exited the car and followed him up the steel staircase leading to his front door. There were too many memories chasing her up those stairs, too many nights she could never forget. Some of them were excruciatingly painful, like the night he told her they were done.
But some of them . . . some of them were the best nights of her entire life. Sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table, feeding each other from the snack tray they’d thrown together after a full day of riding the bike. Curled up on the couch watching Christmas movies, brightly colored lights blinking cheerfully from the windows. He’d smile lazily at her and lift her shirt, finding her nipples with his hot mouth until she writhed beneath him. There’d been love; so much love. As firsts went, he was surely the epitome of her experiences, both physical and emotional. From the simple to the extraordinary, she’d gone through it all with Edward.
“You’re crying,” he murmured, pulling her close as he shut the door behind them.
“I didn't realize . . .”
“Didn't realize what?”
“That I was crying. That I’d have so many emotions rush me at once.”
“We spent time at your place, too,” he reminded her. “It always surprised me that you wanted to move back there.”
“Me too.” Her voice was small; how to explain how desperate she’d been to reclaim that space when he essentially kicked her out? “It’s in a good location,” was all she could manage to say.
His expression told her he knew otherwise, but he didn't press her. She didn't think she could handle it if he did. She’d poured her heart out to him a few days before, and he hadn’t reciprocated. Part of her knew she’d damaged him beyond repair, but part of her hoped he’d held onto the better feelings, waiting for the moment to be right.
“Here.” After pressing a kiss to the top of her head, he pulled her cardigan off her shoulders and hung it by the door.
Moving slowly, Bella followed him to the kitchen area. The entire place was quintessentially him; wood floors, industrial pipes along the ceiling, and no frills. It was warm, masculine, and all Edward. Taking a seat at one of the barstools along the counter, she watched him pull ingredients from the black fridge in the corner.
“What if I don't find a good storefront? After all the work I put into my business plan, having so many banks turn me down, and finally having the capital, it just figures I can’t find the location.”
“Something will come up. All I can say is don't rush it, or you’ll regret it.”
“You’re right.”
It wasn't long before the scent of bacon filled the room. As the person always in charge of cooking—be it at work or for herself at home—Bella appreciated having someone else do it for her. His pot of water came to a boil, and she let him break up the noodles without saying a word. It would be pointless to criticize him for such a minor offense, but her inner chef wanted to cringe.
Her phone rang from inside her purse, and she stood to retrieve it. “Hi, Austin.”
“Bella, you’ll never believe it.”
“What is it?”
Edward had turned from the stove, watching her with a wooden spoon in his hand.
“Seth called me. He wants to relocate.”
“Fuck me.” Realizing her knees were giving out, she reached out with her free hand to grab the back of the nearest chair. “Is he putting the building on the market?”
“No, because I told him you want it. I even offered to give him a down payment immediately to hold it, but he said he’d wait for you.”
“Oh, my God.” Pressing her hand to her stomach, she raised wide eyes to Edward’s face. “Tell Seth I want it, and, um, can we meet tomorrow morning? Is that too late? Will he hold it for me?”
“Take a breath, Bella. He’ll wait for you,” he repeated.
“Oh, wow.” Unable to form proper words, she rubbed her hand over her mouth. “I can’t even think straight. Tomorrow? Please?”
“Yes, tomorrow. I’ll ask him. Congratulations, Bella.” They said their goodbyes, and she sat motionless when the line went dead.
“Holy shit,” she whispered.
Edward turned off the burner and moved the pan, crossing the few feet to crouch by Bella’s chair. “Are you okay?”
Her brain refused to function. “The building I’ve coveted is about to be mine.”
“How is that possible?”
“It’s currently a florist, owned and operated by a friend of Austin’s. Seth is so nice, he called Austin first to see if he knew of anyone looking.”
Edward rested his hand on her knee. “That would be much easier than putting it up for sale and waiting around for a buyer.”
“It’s so perfect, Edward, you’ll see.” Smacking herself in the forehead, she said, “I didn't think to make sure you can come with us when I asked Austin to make arrangements to meet with Seth tomorrow morning.”
“It was obvious how flustered the call made you, so it's okay.”
Since he was studying her so closely, she stared into his forest green eyes. “Are you working in the morning?”
“I am.”
“I’ll text Austin to reschedule—”
“You don't have to do that. As much as I want to be involved, I don't have to be there for every little thing.”
“Is it okay if I want you there, though? I want you to see the place, and hear the terms, and the price, and all the stuff I’ll probably forget to ask in my excitement.”
Straightening, Edward ran his hand over his hair. Bella rose, too, somewhat disappointed when he walked back to the stove. Without speaking, he drained the noodles, dropped them into the pan of bacon fat, and cracked a few eggs into a bowl.
“I want to be part of it, too.”
Because it seemed he wasn't done with his thought, she didn't respond.
“Honestly, I like that you want me there. You want me involved, even in the drudgery, because it’s important to you.”
“It’s important to me to have you there by my side.”
“By your side as you make a life-altering decision.”
“Yes.” Heart thundering, she tried to make sense of what must be going through his head. But she couldn't, and her stomach dropped to her toes as his movements became jerky.
Practically throwing the food into bowls, Edward moved angrily around the small kitchen as he filled glasses with wine and served her. Confused, Bella tried to pinpoint where she’d messed up.
“Then I have a confession to make.”
oOo
Edward could sense how upset she was becoming, but that wasn't his intention. He hadn't wanted to tell her so soon about his job and the income that came with it, but he couldn’t keep it to himself any longer.
Swallowing visibly, Bella gazed up at him with pain in her deep chocolate eyes.
“It’s not bad. I’m sorry if I gave you the impression—it’s not bad,” he repeated.
Her shoulders relaxed marginally. “Okay.”
“Listening to you, hearing how excited you are about this next step in your life . . . I’m really fucking proud of you, Bella.”
Tears pooled in her eyes, and she blinked. “Thank you.”
Reaching out, he wiped away an escaped tear. God, it killed him when she cried, since it happened so rarely. “You’ve come a long way. Here you are asking me to partake in every step of your new venture, and I’m sitting here purposely keeping something from you.”
“You’re married?” He snorted. “You’re gay too?”
“No, baby. I’m not married, and I’m too into you to be interested in anyone else, man or woman.”
Her smile was soft. “Then it’s fine, whatever it is. I know you have to work up to trusting me fully.”
“I thought I did, too, but that’s just the scars on my heart speaking for me. I love you, sweetheart, and I need to be honest. The only reason I haven't talked about my job is that I’m better off than I was before.”
Slipping around the counter, she wrapped her arms around him. “You love me too, and that’s all that matters right now.”
“I make a lot of money, Bella.”
Abruptly, she stepped back. “Why was it a secret?”
“Come on, you know why.” She was going to make him say it, and he’d end up feeling like an asshole for guarding himself.
“Because I’m a gold digging whore? You figured I’d fake it, throw myself at you, and expect you to shower me with gifts like Austin?”
“I never thought you were a whore, exactly, but the rest is fairly accurate.” He kept his voice even, sipping from his glass as she paced.
“I can’t even . . . you really thought that about me?”
The agony in her voice slashed across his bruised heart. “You spent every waking moment ensuring I knew who you were with, what parties you were attending, how much his fucking net worth totaled. You were rubbing it in everyone’s face, not just mine. You’d finally scored a rich guy after dumping the loser mechanic.”
Tears fell in a torrent down her face. “I was punishing myself.”
“With what, fancy dresses and cocktail parties? Gotta say, not a very tough punishment.”
Fisting her hand in her hair, she spun away before stalking to the window. “I don't know if I have the words to explain, but I had already lost everything. As I told you, I knew I wouldn’t find love again, and I knew it was my fault. What did I have to lose, throwing myself at a handsome man at a party and hoping I stuck?”
“Well, you stuck to him like glue, and then you posted it all over social media. At least I kept my shit private so I didn't tear you apart while healing myself.”
“Do we need Sarah freaking MacLachlan to start singing?” Bella folded her arms and kept her focus on the window. “Visceral fear means watching your every move, choosing your words carefully to avoid abuse. Feeling safe means letting all that go, absolutely knowing the other person won't harm you.” Only her periphery was visible to him, but he saw her wipe her face. “There’s more than just one aspect to me. I’m the scared little girl doing stupid things for attention, the one cowering in a corner with my stomach gnawing through my bones. Hiding from mommy when she finally comes home, only to scream at me for eating the last slice of bread in the five days since she left me alone. I’m the confident chef, the one who runs my kitchen like a boss, who’s worked her ass off to have a life where I never have to be hungry or broke again. Now, I’m about to be a businesswoman, one terrified of failure but so elated to try.”
There were no words to respond to the picture she’d painted. He knew this about her already and wondered if she realized he did. It was what he’d witnessed before, and her tendency to be the scared girl lashing out at the only person available to shoulder the burden.
“I know I made mistakes, and there’s nothing you can say that I haven't already said to myself. I take the blame, okay? Struggle with it daily. Austin was a speed bump, a way to kill time, until I briefly thought he was more to me than the amount in his paycheck. Before he told me he wasn't interested in me at all. So we used each other, and we both knew it. If he doesn't care, why should you?”
Silently, he moved to the window and pressed her shoulder until she turned to face him. “Because I’m not on board with being used, mutually or otherwise. Until today, I couldn't be sure what your true intentions were.”
“I’m not here for whatever money you’re earning now.”
“I know that now, but a week ago? Two weeks ago? Can you blame me for being cautious?”
She lowered her head. “No, I guess not. I knew you were keeping it from me for a reason since you never wanted to discuss your job.”
“I’m an aviation maintenance technician at Boeing.”
When she raised her head, her eyes were once again dry. “Are you happy there?”
He smiled. “Yes. Even though I miss working with Jasper, I’ve made new friends.”
“That’s all I care about, Edward.”
“I can see that now. That’s why I wanted to tell you. If you’re going to involve me in every aspect of your job, then I want you to know about mine.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You have to stop saying it.”
“No.” Again, she leaned against him, encircling him with her arms. “I have to say it until I feel that I’ve made amends.”
“You won't take my word for it?” he murmured, framing her face in his hands.
“No.”
Gently, he kissed her lips, tasting the salt of her tears. “Don't be too hard on yourself.”
“I’ll work on that.”
“I’ll see what I can do about being there for the meeting tomorrow.”
“That’s all I ask.”
“Let’s eat, baby.” He took her hand, leading her back to the counter.
“I’m starving.” Though her smile was wobbly, it was sincere.
It hurt every time they worked through another rough patch, but he was grateful they had the chance. If she could get this place she wanted, then maybe they would celebrate for real.
Love the pictures!!
ReplyDeleteLove that pic of Edward
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