Oh, how they thought their grip had a
hold on her mind
to manipulate her thoughts
but she kept the roots of her truth
deep within her veins
and let their madness
run its course.
~ Michelle Schaper
"Isabella! What are you still doing in bed? You're going to be late for school!" Sue's voice filtered through the deep haze of my glorious dream.
"Mmph." Images of Edward in the meadow, and what could have happened last night if we were normal adults, still filled my head.
"Get up, girl! What has gotten into you?" She came to the side of my bed and prodded my shoulder. "Come on, up you go!"
I opened one brown eye and stared at her balefully. Sue was my mother, there was no doubt about that, regardless of who had given birth to me. For all I knew, my existence merely occurred, rather than me having incubated for nine months like a regular human baby.
"I'm coming," I groaned, wishing I could still smell Edward on my clothes or in my hair.
"You're going to finish with honors, and there's no need to mess it up so close to graduating. And don't think I don't realize you still haven't officially chosen a career path, young lady. You're smart enough to be anything you wish, so don't waste an opportunity that's been handed to you because you feel stuck here."
With tears pricking my eyes, I launched myself out of bed and hugged Sue fiercely. Sometimes, she truly understood me. I didn't want to cashier at the trade store, or teach at the school here. I wasn't about to waitress at the seafood restaurant, or pick some odd job at the only hotel. I wanted to be free to leave this tiny village, to work anywhere else in the world, but I hadn't received approval from the council. Sue stood up for me at that meeting, and she held plenty of her own authority with the tribe, but it hadn't been enough.
"I love you, Mom."
She rubbed my back like she always did, since the first time we hugged years ago. "I love you, Bella, as my own daughter. I'm sorry they're slow to answer you, but don't give up looking for the right fit."
I've found the right fit, that's for sure. Just not in the way you mean.
"I won't. Thank you."
Sue left me to dress for the day. School was boring; the closer to graduation, the more cramming for final exams. I was biding my time until I could see Edward again, the constant need for him throbbing through my veins, but I had to put on a show for my teachers. The answers weren't hard for me, even paying half-assed attention, so they had no clue. I bolted at the first hint of the final bell and drove home just over the speed limit, trying not to attract any attention.
Unfortunately, I was waylaid getting out of my truck; Jared was wearing a rut in the dirt outside my house with his restless pacing.
"What's up, Jare?" I asked nervously as I opened the door. I had much better places to be right now, but I knew what he was going to say.
"The elders sent me. I was told to bring you as soon as you got home, no exceptions." His expression was serious, and Jared was rarely serious. I didn't want to give in to the fear, but it crashed over me regardless of my wishes. What would I do if they forbade me from leaving my house?
"Okay, I'm coming." I followed him on foot as he headed to the community center where tribal meetings were held.
The elders were all there; Billy Black, Quil Ateara Sr., Sam, and even Harry. I felt the trembling start at the very base of my spine, the racing heat a flash along my bones. I clamped it down, forcing the shivers to go back where they came from, wherever that was. I would not allow myself to lose control in front of the tribe elders.
"Have a seat, Isabella," Billy ordered. I raised an eyebrow at his tone, but sat in the lone squeaky metal folding chair as I was instructed.
"Now, there has been some information brought to my attention by Sam that we need to address," Billy continued. "Apparently, you disappear on a regular basis, and the last time you were gone, you returned smelling like vampire," he spit the word out of his mouth before falling silent for a few boring minutes, but I was not taking the bait. Billy expected me to jump up and refute Sam's claims, but I would not give him the satisfaction.
Finally, he sighed heavily before speaking again. "What do you have to say for yourself?" he prompted.
"I have nothing of interest to say," I responded blandly. My cheeks flamed red and hot, my tailbone tingling as the urge to phase returned.
"You have nothing of interest… Are you telling me that Sam is correct?" he exploded, slamming a hand on the table.
"I said nothing at all. No comment. Frankly, what I do after school shouldn't be any of your concern. I'm not hurting anybody, and I'm not sharing the pack's secrets. Why does Sam care that I like to read in the woods?" I turned my attention to Sam. "Do you need reading lessons, is that it? You don't understand my need to be educated?"
Sam scowled at me before replying. "It's my job to protect the tribe! Even those too stubborn to listen to reason!"
"Reason? Is that what you call monitoring my every move? You won't make a decision on my choice of occupation, but you have plenty of time to ponder my choice in perfume!" I yelled, knowing I'd lost the advantage of remaining calm, but no longer giving a goddamn.
"Your choices affect us all," old Quil intoned. His voice rang with authority in the ensuing silence.
I stood, fed up and fighting tears of frustration. "Me moving off the reservation would clearly be the best choice for us all. Approve that." I strode out quickly, and when I hit the tree line I unleashed the essence of my spirit animal.
Knowing there was a chance the elders would send Sam and Jared after me, I didn't go to the meadow. Instead, I ran to the cliffs overlooking the churning sea. I stopped at the edge of my world, raising my head to let the wind whip my face. I was never cold in this form; the chill from the spray didn't affect me. The promise of no more chains tempted me to jump, to swim until the ocean ran out of water and turned into soil once again. The loss of one soul so intricately tied to mine caused me to stay poised on the edge. Edward would be looking for me by now, wondering why I stood him up.
I raced back to the cottage, my paws pounding the earth and kicking up dirt behind me. I covered the distance easily, but waited in the cover of the denser foliage to be sure nobody was lurking in wait. I didn't hear or see anything, so I snuck up to my bedroom window before allowing my human form to take over again. My skin sparkled for the briefest instant before settling into its usual pale quality. I slipped inside using the window I never locked, getting dressed and rushing back to my rusty old truck to grab my purse. Just as I suspected, Edward had texted me numerous times.
I quickly sent off a text that I was on my way before setting off at a sprint. I found him there at the edge of our meadow waiting, facing me. Expecting me. I ran headlong into him, his marble hardness catching me easily. At first, we simply held each other, relieved to be together and ease the constant ache.
"I'm so sorry," I finally murmured into his chest. "They were waiting for me; I had to attend a council meeting where they lectured me."
"Whatever for?" he spoke into my hair.
"Because I'm me. Sam, the oldest shifter, is going to marry my sister Leah and be a tribe elder. That's his whole job. Jared, the other shifter, works at the auto body shop, along with most of the dudebros that live in the village. My younger brother Seth is about to graduate high school, ironically at the same time as me, and he's been approved to go to Peninsula College in Forks. Leah wants to teach, like our mom, and she's almost completed school. She'll marry Sam and move in with him, teaching at the K-12 school on the res."
Edward watched me as I spoke, his hands never stilling, but stroking my hair, my cheek, my brow. I tilted my head back, staring at the branches that formed an overhang above us. They created an illusion of sanctity, the promise of a secret kept.
I straightened, looking directly into his warm honey eyes. "And then there's me. The only thing I want is to get off the reservation. I want to be free, to choose where I live and what I do for a living. To love whom I choose. Instead, they delay the decision on whether I'm allowed to intern at the gallery and bookstore in Forks. Every college I've applied to has questioned my very existence due to the fact that I appeared five years ago, seemingly out of thin air."
I let go of my hold on his upper arms, realizing I would have left marks on a human like bruised fruit. I backed away several paces, the hated tears trembling on my lower lashes. Edward was incredibly still, motionless and silent. The ultimate listener.
"I don't know who I was, before. Billy Black and my dad, Harry, looked everywhere for information when they found me. There was the report on the earthquake sixteen years ago; the speculation is that a young couple was traveling north from Forks when their car was thrown into a tree from the force of the quake. Their young child vanished, according to whoever searched. I believe my parents' bodies were wrapped around each other in the car at the bottom of the pit. That's how I choose to remember them; so in love they died holding each other."
"But you walked away. How did that happen?" Edward asked quietly.
"I don't know," I whispered. "Can you- can you just hold me for a few minutes?" The memories wouldn't come, no matter how hard I tried to force them. There was fog, voices that sounded like they came from underwater, and then everything was green. The green of the forest I loved, so many shades and nuances. The verdant smell of the earth after rain, moss and lichen and pine needles. And wolves. Always wolves.
And now, the wolves had me trapped, both from the outside and from within.
Edward and I walked through the forest with no clear destination in mind. He held my hand in his, lightly swinging that testament of love between us. The clouds swirled low, an omen of the storm waiting off the coast to pummel the world until everything was washed clean.
"It was difficult to go with them; to leave the only home I'd known and follow strangers. I suppose I was still emotionally four years old, and I wanted what I saw in Sam's mind." I glanced up at Edward to see the frown flit across his brow. "When we're in our wolf form, we can see what the other is thinking. It's frustrating, but I've mostly learned to think of anything at all to distract them from my private thoughts. So when they found me, Sam shifted into his wolf form. He's black as coal, taller and more massive than Jared. He showed me thoughts of home, of family. I shifted without realizing I'd be naked; I imagine fifteen year old me wasn't very alluring to any of them. They covered me with a long raincoat, and we walked to the reservation together."
We came to a handful of boulders, strewn across the grass as though purposefully placed there by an unseen giant hand. We sat facing each other. I took Edward's hands in my own and played with his fingers as we talked.
"And what did you find, at their home?" he inquired.
I smiled at my lap. "My home. A family. A mother that loves me and sometimes spoils me, a father that is stern but usually fair. A brother and sister. Though Leah resented me for the extra attention I received, and sometimes still does."
"So the family is not what vexes you." It was a statement of fact. I looked up at him, my heart rate spiking at the sight of him. The intensity of his gaze, pinning me in place. The sharpness of his features, somehow drawing my eyes to his lips. I knew the feel of them now, had memorized the taste. It was ridiculous, but they felt like velvet. Tasted like forbidden fruit.
"No, it's the tribe and their rules," I managed to reply. "All of these laws that boil down to a major restriction of what we are and aren't allowed to do. Don't leave the reservation, don't cross the boundary lines. Don't interact with vampires."
"Why are you not permitted to leave the reservation?" I could hear the confusion in his voice, but I wasn't sure I could explain properly.
"It's meant to be for our safety. The vampires have hunted the wolves for generations, as far back as they can recall. They believe we'll be ambushed. And yet they reassure us that your family is appropriately friendly. Such hypocrites," I muttered.
I stared over Edward's shoulder, picturing the wild wolf family I spent so many years with. They raised me, so to speak, for nine years. They showed me how to hunt, where to sleep. We played together, huddled together for warmth. I'd tried several times over the years to track them down, but it was as if they'd never existed.
"My family would never hurt your family. They would not touch anyone from the tribe, or any human, for that matter. We strive to be more than monsters, to be better than the red-eyed demons your stories warn you about."
I shivered, suddenly frightened of the idea of running into one of those blood drinkers, even though I knew I could take care of myself. "Tell me more about you and your coven," I asked, meeting his tender gaze again.
Edward reached toward me, catching a section of blowing hair and tucking it behind my ear. "My family," he reminded me gently. "Carlisle was turned so long ago he is not quite sure of the year, but Vikings were conquering Ireland at the time. He was caught outside at dusk bringing home stolen potatoes to feed his mother. He usually avoided that time of day, but it was just him and his mother and they were starving. When he returned home bleeding, she was certain he was going to die from the animal bite on his neck. Instead, he writhed and screamed for three days, begging her to kill him."
I gasped. I had no idea it was that hard to be changed. "What happened after that?" I breathed, picturing it clearly.
"She tried to kill him. She smothered him, but he screamed still. She had not the heart for anything more violent, but when he lived after that attempt, she fled in terror. Carlisle is positive it saved her life. He came out the other side of the burning with the urge to drink, so thirsty that no amount of water could slake the intense dryness. He soon lost all of that water when it came back up from a stomach no longer needing human food and drink. He only discovered what the cure was as he stumbled into the woods in an effort to leave town. He came across a herd of sheep, and that's how we all became vegetarians."
"Vegetarians?" I laughed at the term.
He smirked. "Our little joke about feeding from animals instead of humans. We assume it would be more satisfying to consume human blood, but Carlisle forbids it."
"Forbids it? Sounds familiar," I scoffed.
"The difference is, we are free to leave at any time, to live how we choose. We want to be here, together, sustaining ourselves with animal blood." His tone was just as vehement as his words. He had a tenderness in his eyes that quickly turned fierce the more he spoke.
He really knew how to turn me on.
"Okay. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to insult anybody. What year were you born?"
"No harm done. I was born in 1896; Carlisle was working nights in Chicago during the Spanish Influenza epidemic, 1918 to be exact. Despite his best efforts, most of the patients were dying. My parents succumbed, begging Carlisle to save me, no matter the cost. He waited until the other doctors were preoccupied, and then he bit me. He carried me to his home and tended to me while I raged."
"Three days?" I confirmed in barely a whisper.
"Yes. Carlisle and I have a bond- he is as close to me as a father and friend could be."
"Wow. Is it the same for the others?" I had a raging curiosity about his family, and I wanted so badly to meet them.
"The procedure is the same for each of us. One bite is really all it takes, but we have discovered that the venom starts reacting more quickly if multiple arteries are bitten. So Esme came next, a sad, depressed young woman who had been in love with her doctor for many years without knowing what he was. She and her husband had been in a fight- it was an arranged marriage, and he was abusive. The night she finally fought back, she killed him and almost herself, as well. Luckily, Esme's heart was still faintly beating, which is all it takes for the venom to do its job in the body. It heals all wounds, mends all breaks. Carlisle saved her- literally and figuratively brought her back to life- and they are more in love than any couple I have met, in their own quietly devoted way."
"That's very lovely. She was able to escape such a horrific life, and now she has eternity with her one true love." I tried to picture it, but it seemed too fairytale-like to be real.
"It does sound rather romantic, does it not?" he mused. "I daresay I have always been jealous of those in love. It is an irrevocable change, one that I thought I understood from seeing and hearing about it in the thoughts of others, on the screen or in books. But Shakespeare's sonnets cannot adequately describe the actual depth of feelings involved." Edward leaned toward me, his whole body magnetized to my own, drawing me closer.
When his fingers touched my jaw, my heart sighed, but when his lips touched mine, my heart exploded. We held fast to each other as though our lives depended on it; coming up for air would be an intolerable blasphemy. Lips and tongues and almost teeth, moving in synchronization with the earth's gravity. His hands stroked my bare shoulders, and flames arose. His fingers wound into my hair, and I moaned at the tingling on my scalp. I was dizzy, probably from lack of oxygen, when I had no choice but to release his perfect mouth.
I didn't let Edward go, merely found new places to touch, caressing cheekbones and temples, strong shoulder blades and a tapering back. I gripped his waist and hauled myself closer, into his lap where I was startled to find more was hard than just his skin.
"You, ah, you're…" Oh, lord, the sheer size of him...
He gave me a playful laugh that only heightened my desire. "Speechless, Bella?" he said with such confidence that I was struck mute. My hands and mouth gave him the answers he sought, and I discovered what the muscles of my vampire felt like.
"You are a wonderful manifestation. The universe came together the day you were created to make your existence possible. There is nothing that is not you, not anymore."
"How do you do that?" I laughed breathlessly.
He smirked sexily when I looked at him. "I have lived for a very long time. I have read many poems, many sonnets, heard many songs. My mind is hardly ever silent, the thoughts of others swirling constantly, buzzing in the background. Being alone with you is a balm to the noise of the world. I know I have never heard any sound as glorious as the beat of your heart; it is the most significant sound in my universe. It brings me peace." He placed his palm over the spot where my heart was racing, his fingers grazing my nipple as it strained toward him. I gasped loudly at the electric current I felt running through me.
"Who would need a defibrillator around you?" I murmured.
Edward laughed, and I committed the sound to memory. It may have been my heart he wanted to hear, but for me it would always be his laughter.
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