"I fully realize I'm under too much stress, and that's the reason I had a panic attack. But to see Newton standing there, as if he owned the whole world and had nothing to hide, was more difficult than I would've thought. He's a cocky son of a bitch."
I paced Edward's small garage apartment, my surroundings not really sinking in. It was tight, a one room space with a bathroom. I walked in front of the sofa, through the area considered a kitchen, and back.
"It's understandable, Bella. He's a criminal, you know what he did because you have the proof. Added to the fact that you and your father are positive he's the one following you."
I stopped and looked at him. "Are you worried about him? Because I don't want you to be. There's plenty for you to focus on instead of that." I frowned, wondering if I was adding to his plate by venting to him about this.
He came over to where I was pacing, stopping in front of me so that I had to quit my nervous movements. His hair was growing longer now, waving at the ends as it shined in copper highlights under the lamp. I'd been wrong, it would never have been blonde, even in the sunlight. It looked like it would be soft, and I suddenly decided to run my hands through the strands. They were as silky as I'd imagined, and the look on his face was startled.
"I'm sorry," I apologized quietly, yet I didn't stop running my hands through his thick hair.
He dipped his head, and my body pulsed with the need for him to kiss me. Watching his eyes as they shifted from mine to my lips, I knew he would, and the anticipation made my breathing erratic.
"Bella," he whispered, his breath fanning my lips. "I'm going to kiss you now."
His deep voice sent shivers down my spine, and my thighs clenched. "Yes, please."
His lips swept mine, slow brushes as they passed back and forth. He claimed first my top lip, and then my bottom before his tongue touched the seam of my mouth, and I opened for him. When his tongue met mine, the room seemed filled with static, the hairs on my arms rising. His hands went to my hair, tilting our heads for the best angle. I gripped frantically at the hair at the back of his head, afraid he would disappear if I let go.
Edward pulled away a fraction, his forehead bumping into mine. "I didn't even ask if you had a boyfriend."
A small laugh escaped me, a burst of restless air. "I don't. Maybe before we had lunch would have been a good time to ask?"
He chuckled, then kissed my face; my cheek, my jaw, my chin. His lips were supple- warm and soft and full. "What are we doing?"
"What do you mean?" I said breathlessly. "I thought we were kissing."
"Yes," he agreed, his mouth touching mine briefly. "We're doing that, but are we trying to… have a relationship? Are we going to start dating?"
I pulled away so I could see his eyes. His entire thought process showed in those eyes. Uncertainty, bashfulness, fear. "You have nothing to be afraid of, Edward," I said softly, brushing a lock of hair off his forehead. "We can go at whatever pace you like."
"Shouldn't that be my line?" he said, huffing out a breath.
"If we were a traditional pair, sure. But I'm okay with whatever you want, as long as it doesn't involve your bed just yet."
He stepped away from me abruptly, and I felt the loss of his warmth keenly. "I don't want that, you know that, don't you? This is not for that," he stated forcefully.
"Slow down. I know that you're not trying to rush me into bed, that was a poor choice of words. I don't think you're looking to use me to sate your suppressed appetite."
He threw his hands up in the air. "You're amazing, do you know that? You have an amazing outlook on things, on the world in general. You have a huge spirit that's open to everyone. I don't think I'll ever be half the human being that you are. I'm scared of everything, Bella." He put a hand up when I started to interrupt. "I'm scared that I'm closed off, that I've lost my ability to trust in people. I don't know how to have a healthy relationship, because I've never had one."
"Edward, stop. Don't list your negative qualities to your potential new girlfriend."
He smiled at me, then shook his head. "Let's sit, okay?"
We sat on his couch, and he turned to face me. "Whatever it is, we can work through it," I encouraged.
"My relationship with my dad is screwed, he's almost never home. I simply can't forgive him for the way he treated Mom. I can get over him thinking I was guilty; I even thought it of myself. But he didn't support his wife. The one person he should have stood by no matter what."
"Edward, the one person he should have stood by was you!"
"Maybe. Either way, I'm not ready to forgive him. My mother is only concerned with fulfilling my every wish, which I can of course understand. But in the long term, that can't last as a healthy dynamic." He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. "And then the last thing."
"What thing?" I asked. He looked so tense with his shoulders bunched up.
"I've honestly never had a girlfriend. I dated a few times, but nothing serious. I was trying to please Dad, so I got on the track to premed in high school, and in college I knew I had to work hard or I wouldn't pass my classes. A social life was not on the agenda."
"You never had a girlfriend? You what, just left a trail of broken hearts wherever you went?" I couldn't imagine that the girls didn't find him irresistible.
"I never had a girlfriend." His gaze was serious, timid.
"I get what you're saying, honey, I really do. I'm sorry that it turned out that way for you. It doesn't change anything, unless it means you want to move slower."
"This is what I mean! You are nothing short of an angel. I can tell you anything, and it doesn't faze you."
"Except for the dead body principle. I don't want to know how many murders you've committed," I joked.
"When would I have had time for that? I would've had a girlfriend before I would've gone on a killing spree."
"Good, good, stick with the plea of ignorance." I bobbed my head as he grinned at me.
"You're very good at bringing levity to a serious situation. It's one of the qualities I like the most about you." He leaned forward, shifting so that he could frame my too-hot face in his hands.
"Tell me more," I whispered as his mouth descended toward me.
"You're altruistic." He peppered my jaw with kisses.
"I'm not. I'm selfish." My eyes rolled back in my head as his tongue explored my throat.
"No," was his simple response.
"I just discovered I'm a mean girl to my sister-in-law."
"If you've just discovered it, it couldn't have been on purpose," he pointed out.
"You have me there." His hands roamed my back, pressing my body tighter to his. My heart was pounding, and I imagined his was too.
"Less talking, Bella," he said, crushing his mouth to mine.
Are we all on the same page as Edward?
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