Then
Lying in the bed of his rusty pickup, I watched the storm clouds gather and obscure the sun before my eyelids slipped closed. His fingers roamed over my collarbones, sending flames across my skin as he dipped down to the top edge of my bra. I'd saved my money to buy a pretty one, all lacy and floral, feeling like an adult in the lingerie store. I needed to touch him, so I shifted until I could see him, be face to face with him. My small breasts pushed together as I rested on my side, one hand tucked under my cheek to cushion against the hardness of the metal. The other hand caressed his sharp jaw, following it up to his angular cheekbone. His eyes fluttered but stayed open, and I stared into lustful, shining green. I could tell by the flush on his cheeks that he wanted me; his tells were obvious, even with my somewhat naïve perceptiveness. It was always this way with us, and I prayed it always would be.
"It's going to rain," I whispered. I didn't want to have to stop, didn't want the weather to ruin what had just started. If I whispered, maybe it wouldn't be true.
His eyes crinkled at the corners with his beautiful grin. "Of course it's going to rain, it's Forks."
We were in the middle of nowhere, parked in a field of wildflowers that sat off a dirt road, the grass almost as tall as the truck. It was summertime, and we knew exactly how much trouble we were getting into. It wasn't the first time we'd snuck away from boring afternoons and household chores to be carefree, getting lost in one another in the bed of his Chevy.
I smirked at his remark, leaning closer to capture his lips with mine. Softly, tenderly pulling his top lip into my mouth before surrendering myself willingly to his assault as he angled his head and devoured me. My heart raced in my chest as I felt the first drops of rain on my arm and face.
"Don't care," I breathed. My hands delved into his hair, holding him to me like I could bind us together and fight off the universe itself if need be.
He laughed a little in his throat, but continued his stroking of my body, my hips rocking nearer to his as he kissed me until I couldn't breathe. His sneaky fingers moved inside the cup of my bra and teased my nipple while I moaned into his mouth.
And then the clouds and sky opened up, the torrential rain causing me to shriek as I scrambled up. He grabbed the quilt, though it was too late for saving that. I hoped he had another one inside the cab as we fumbled our way through the rain and into the warm, dry interior.
He gave a big laugh, a hearty sound that heated my skin. We were drenched, soaked through as the doors echoed their slamming. The rain pelted the roof, drowning out the sound of my thundering heartbeat as he went back for my mouth.
I found myself breathless once more as he lowered me to the bench seat, and then frantic as we removed clothing in quick succession. His hot mouth latched to my nipple, and all the air truly left my lungs.
"Yes," I cried out.
"I'll love you forever, Bella," he declared as he entered me.
Now
Florence, Oregon is an idyllic small town on the coast of the Pacific, surrounded by two shimmering bays. Renée picked it originally because of its reminiscence of Forks, minus all the drama that had occurred. She had a small house mere steps away from the pebbled beach, the peaked roof hung with overflowing baskets of flowers in the spring and summer. We'd each had a bedroom, and when I moved out she changed mine to a sewing room. The kitchen was a sunny yellow with old fashioned appliances that looked like they belonged in Grandma Higginbotham's house. I knew I would miss it here; I felt safe in this place, at least I had until my father found us and extended the offer of marriage from the last person I'd ever want to bind myself to. So now, I arrange to have the majority of my mother's house packed and stored while I work on finding a place to stay back in the city I no longer consider home.
I don't even want to be in Forks again; I'm the pariah, the stupid girl that couldn't keep her mouth shut and then heartlessly took off. It hasn't been home to me in four years, and I guarantee nobody is waiting for my return with anything other than disdain. I won't stay with Charlie in our old house, considering how much loathing I have for him, ever since he started facilitating the criminals running the small town. I'd rather rent a room downtown and try to avoid everybody I've ever known the way I'm sure they want to avoid me.
I have to block out the memories of the way I left things four years ago. Not enough time to forgive or forget, only enough time to let the regrets fester like a wound unhealed, aching with its reminder of the past. If I was lucky, it was only the Cullens that hated me, and rightly so. I'd brought their family nothing but shame and heartache before dodging the consequences. I did know who was still enamored with me, since he'd made it his main focus to force me into submission. I only had today left to finish packing Mom's house before facing the truths I'd tried to ignore.
The city of Forks, Washington is similar in size and basic appearance as the one I'd moved to. The differences are as insignificant as being right on the ocean versus being a few miles from the ocean, down to Forks being the hub of major criminal activity. Including paying off the chief of police to look the other way while cars are stolen from surrounding cities, chopped into pieces and either rebuilt into something unrecognizable from the original, or merely sold as parts. To this day, I had a hard time wrapping my mind around how I'd unwittingly gotten involved as a young and guileless teenage girl, how I'd aided the men I had been smart enough to hate since middle school. By trusting the wrong person, I single handedly fucked up multiple lives.
Sighing, I tape up the last box. I promised myself I wouldn't dwell on the past, but I'm doing that very thing. If it didn't hurt so much, I'd focus on what I had before we left; innocent love, carefree and a little wild. Everyone falls in love as a teenager though, and those relationships never last. I had no right to assume we would be any different. But I did love him the same way I always had; fiercely, completely, and irrevocably. And yet, he despised me and everything my family stood for.
After making a few calls I find a rental house broken into several one room apartments. That's more than I could have expected, so I take the last one available, oddly relieved that it happens to be on the second floor. I laugh at myself; that won't stop anybody that I'm worried about. Still, it's a false comfort that I choose to see as the bright side. I can leave now and sleep in my new place, or I can leave in the morning and have to add my bed to the back of the moving van before I can get going. I realize I'm just trying to put off my fate, and there's never any use in that. I harden my resolve and decide to put everything in the van now and head north.
Back to Forks, the last place I ever thought I'd live again.
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