Now
Nothing says small town like ducking behind the aisles at the grocers in the middle of town square trying to hide from your ex. I've tried so hard to avoid a confrontation with Edward, and here I find myself with my nose buried in the Doritos in the hopes that he'll keep walking. I'm so invested in the fucking flavor choices and trying not to breathe too noisily in my panic, but I hear the footsteps behind me falter anyway.
"Is- is that you?" The anguish that has built for years is clear in his voice as it trembles.
I turn so slowly, reluctant as ever to face my past. Tucking a length of hair behind my ear, I stare somewhere around the third button on his dress shirt. I hear the gasp as recognition hits.
"I knew that was you on the hill at Renée's funeral. Why are you still here?" he demands.
"Well, you know, I'm, uh, here for Charlie." I don't mumble, but I don't shout, either. I don't have a better answer than that one.
He steps closer to me, and a lifetime of instinct tells me to wrap my arms around him, but I simply can't do that to the wrecked boy I turned him into.
"Always with the lies," he hisses. "You hate your father."
It's true, and of course he knows that. He knows everything about seventeen year old me, but nothing about what I've gone through since then. "I don't know what you want me to say," I growl, finally looking up at his face. God, what a mistake. There's fire in his piercing green gaze, pinning me to the shelves behind me.
"That you'll be gone by the end of the week." His harsh words are nothing but the truth of what he wants, only I can't promise him that.
"There have always been things going on in my life that you don't see," I hiss, feeling terribly defensive.
"Because you won't just tell me! You'd sooner lie to the pope than just spit out the truth!" He runs a frustrated hand through his hair, turning away from me before coming back and leaning closer still. My heart beats faster in remembrance, and I swallow convulsively at the contempt on my beloved's face.
"You destroy the lives of everyone you know."
I want to tell him what's been going on for as long as I can remember, God knows I do, but it's just a lot of water underneath the bridge I burned years ago. "Why can't you accept that it's not my truth, or lack of, that's destroyed everything? There are things going on right under your privileged nose, but you only want to put the target on my back. You may have come from the perfect family, shielded from anything bad in this fucking town, but not me."
Pushing away from the shelves, I abandon my cart and walk as fast as I can out of the store. I'm not entirely surprised to see Paul waiting for me; I'm due to start working for him at the bar today, and apparently I am not to be trusted. Black is so stupid if he thinks threatening my life gains my acquiescence. There's only one person I've constantly protected, and it clearly isn't my miserable self. Then again, if his note is anything to go by, he does know who to threaten. I don't even bother to question or argue with him, I just follow him to his bike and climb on the back. The last thing I want is to put my arms around Paul, so I grab the bar behind my seat, hanging on tight as he takes off.
My stomach flips as I see Edward standing near the door of the store, watching in distaste as I leave with another man. My thoughts drift to happier times as the bike under me roars, taking the long and winding route to the edge of town.
Then
Morning sun caressed my skin like an unseen lover, waking me, and I rolled over. Brushing into solid warmth, I blushed as I recalled what we did the night before. Stretching carefully, I took inventory of my body and the way I felt. I was sore, but not terribly so. My hamstrings protested a little, but other than that I was easily the happiest person in the world.
"Are you okay?" he asked, the deepening timbre of his voice rumbling through his chest.
"Absolutely," I answered, shifting over him so I could look in his eyes. "I don't think there's anything better than waking up naked with you."
Edward laughed, and his chest rumbled again. "I concur, Miss Swan."
Our legs were entangled, so I stroked my calf over his. "How long do we have?"
"They said lunchtime." The senior Cullens had taken Emmett to visit colleges in and around Seattle, and Alice had gone with them. Edward feigned an illness so we could have the night alone.
Together. For the first time.
"I think I'm okay enough to get some more practice," I giggled.
His eyebrows shot up. "Really?"
I nodded against him. "Any soreness would be so worth it."
I dipped my head, pressing my lips to his. His mouth was inviting, warm. It felt so good to be loved by him, to love him in return. His lips wandered to my neck and my ear, and I shifted once more, grinning when I felt how hard he was. I reached down, stroking him once and sinking down slowly, carefully. I hissed at the pain, but it really was worth it. My inexperienced body moved on instinct, my hips shifting and rolling as I watched his face. He was beautiful, stunning in his pleasure as I did my best to bring him to orgasm. I wanted to do this for him, to repay some of the love he'd always shown me, from the very beginning. He'd been sweet, caring, and thoughtful from the day we met, when the Cullens moved to Forks my second year of middle school. Edward Cullen was the most selfless human being I'd ever had the pleasure of meeting, and he cherished me, clumsy, shy, and plain Bella Swan. I worshiped his body despite the pain I was sure to endure later in the day, and possibly the next. I could only find so much information in the school's health books about losing your virginity; although I knew it was harder on the woman than the man. I could never ask my mother for advice on this, though I was close to her. She would freak if she knew what I was doing right now.
I pushed away thoughts of after, and focused on the moment. His upturned lips, the creases in his forehead, and the strong grip of his hands on my hips. When he held me tightly to him and his glorious head of hair tilted back, I grinned in triumph. I had done that.
"Baby," he murmured. He stroked my hair as his breathing slowed. I listened to the beat of his heart, the slowing thud almost lulling me to sleep.
"Mmm," was my only response.
"You're going to be hurting because of me." His voice was filled with regret, but I knew he only regretted my discomfort.
"Worth it," I mumbled. "So worth it."
"I'll love you forever, Bella," he breathed out as he kissed my head. It was the first of thousands of times he'd uttered that phrase. It would become embedded in my self-consciousness, seared on my brain and in my heart. It would replay in my memory constantly as we navigated a high school relationship, as I wrecked his family, and as I ran like a coward. It would scream at me in my dreams, waking me in a cold sweat, the nausea roiling in my gut. It reminded me on a daily basis that I had done the right thing in separating him from the dangerous life I'd been thrust into.
But in that moment, as a love sick teenaged girl, I could only sigh over the romance, knowing we really would always be together.
"I love you, too, Edward. Forever. I promise."
I turn so slowly, reluctant as ever to face my past. Tucking a length of hair behind my ear, I stare somewhere around the third button on his dress shirt. I hear the gasp as recognition hits.
"I knew that was you on the hill at Renée's funeral. Why are you still here?" he demands.
"Well, you know, I'm, uh, here for Charlie." I don't mumble, but I don't shout, either. I don't have a better answer than that one.
He steps closer to me, and a lifetime of instinct tells me to wrap my arms around him, but I simply can't do that to the wrecked boy I turned him into.
"Always with the lies," he hisses. "You hate your father."
It's true, and of course he knows that. He knows everything about seventeen year old me, but nothing about what I've gone through since then. "I don't know what you want me to say," I growl, finally looking up at his face. God, what a mistake. There's fire in his piercing green gaze, pinning me to the shelves behind me.
"That you'll be gone by the end of the week." His harsh words are nothing but the truth of what he wants, only I can't promise him that.
"There have always been things going on in my life that you don't see," I hiss, feeling terribly defensive.
"Because you won't just tell me! You'd sooner lie to the pope than just spit out the truth!" He runs a frustrated hand through his hair, turning away from me before coming back and leaning closer still. My heart beats faster in remembrance, and I swallow convulsively at the contempt on my beloved's face.
"You destroy the lives of everyone you know."
I want to tell him what's been going on for as long as I can remember, God knows I do, but it's just a lot of water underneath the bridge I burned years ago. "Why can't you accept that it's not my truth, or lack of, that's destroyed everything? There are things going on right under your privileged nose, but you only want to put the target on my back. You may have come from the perfect family, shielded from anything bad in this fucking town, but not me."
Pushing away from the shelves, I abandon my cart and walk as fast as I can out of the store. I'm not entirely surprised to see Paul waiting for me; I'm due to start working for him at the bar today, and apparently I am not to be trusted. Black is so stupid if he thinks threatening my life gains my acquiescence. There's only one person I've constantly protected, and it clearly isn't my miserable self. Then again, if his note is anything to go by, he does know who to threaten. I don't even bother to question or argue with him, I just follow him to his bike and climb on the back. The last thing I want is to put my arms around Paul, so I grab the bar behind my seat, hanging on tight as he takes off.
My stomach flips as I see Edward standing near the door of the store, watching in distaste as I leave with another man. My thoughts drift to happier times as the bike under me roars, taking the long and winding route to the edge of town.
Then
Morning sun caressed my skin like an unseen lover, waking me, and I rolled over. Brushing into solid warmth, I blushed as I recalled what we did the night before. Stretching carefully, I took inventory of my body and the way I felt. I was sore, but not terribly so. My hamstrings protested a little, but other than that I was easily the happiest person in the world.
"Are you okay?" he asked, the deepening timbre of his voice rumbling through his chest.
"Absolutely," I answered, shifting over him so I could look in his eyes. "I don't think there's anything better than waking up naked with you."
Edward laughed, and his chest rumbled again. "I concur, Miss Swan."
Our legs were entangled, so I stroked my calf over his. "How long do we have?"
"They said lunchtime." The senior Cullens had taken Emmett to visit colleges in and around Seattle, and Alice had gone with them. Edward feigned an illness so we could have the night alone.
Together. For the first time.
"I think I'm okay enough to get some more practice," I giggled.
His eyebrows shot up. "Really?"
I nodded against him. "Any soreness would be so worth it."
I dipped my head, pressing my lips to his. His mouth was inviting, warm. It felt so good to be loved by him, to love him in return. His lips wandered to my neck and my ear, and I shifted once more, grinning when I felt how hard he was. I reached down, stroking him once and sinking down slowly, carefully. I hissed at the pain, but it really was worth it. My inexperienced body moved on instinct, my hips shifting and rolling as I watched his face. He was beautiful, stunning in his pleasure as I did my best to bring him to orgasm. I wanted to do this for him, to repay some of the love he'd always shown me, from the very beginning. He'd been sweet, caring, and thoughtful from the day we met, when the Cullens moved to Forks my second year of middle school. Edward Cullen was the most selfless human being I'd ever had the pleasure of meeting, and he cherished me, clumsy, shy, and plain Bella Swan. I worshiped his body despite the pain I was sure to endure later in the day, and possibly the next. I could only find so much information in the school's health books about losing your virginity; although I knew it was harder on the woman than the man. I could never ask my mother for advice on this, though I was close to her. She would freak if she knew what I was doing right now.
I pushed away thoughts of after, and focused on the moment. His upturned lips, the creases in his forehead, and the strong grip of his hands on my hips. When he held me tightly to him and his glorious head of hair tilted back, I grinned in triumph. I had done that.
"Baby," he murmured. He stroked my hair as his breathing slowed. I listened to the beat of his heart, the slowing thud almost lulling me to sleep.
"Mmm," was my only response.
"You're going to be hurting because of me." His voice was filled with regret, but I knew he only regretted my discomfort.
"Worth it," I mumbled. "So worth it."
"I'll love you forever, Bella," he breathed out as he kissed my head. It was the first of thousands of times he'd uttered that phrase. It would become embedded in my self-consciousness, seared on my brain and in my heart. It would replay in my memory constantly as we navigated a high school relationship, as I wrecked his family, and as I ran like a coward. It would scream at me in my dreams, waking me in a cold sweat, the nausea roiling in my gut. It reminded me on a daily basis that I had done the right thing in separating him from the dangerous life I'd been thrust into.
But in that moment, as a love sick teenaged girl, I could only sigh over the romance, knowing we really would always be together.
"I love you, too, Edward. Forever. I promise."
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