Love ain't a candle
It doesn't burn for one night
And need the dark to shine
Love is alive
And love ain't just a word
In every dictionary
But nowhere defined
Love is a man and he's mine
Love is alive
And at our breakfast table
Every day of the week
Love is alive
And it grows every day and night
Even in our sleep
Love is alive
And it's made a happy woman out of me
Oh, love is alive
And here by me
Love ain't just a mood
A distant far away dream
That needs the night to rise
Love is alive
And love ain't just a song
Sweet words of music
To go dancin' by
Love is a man and he's mine
~ The Judds, Love is Alive
The last few years had been a whirlwind for someone not used to changes. We’d hired a helper for Seth, a young man named Brady, and they worked very well together. I no longer had to stress over what needed to be done and when, because I knew between Edward, Seth, and Brady, that my animals and my farm were well taken care of.
This was especially important since I had twins to chase after.
Brady came on with us in the weeks following our wedding. He trained with Seth because I was trying my best to act like a woman on her honeymoon, even though we’d only spent one night at the bed and breakfast in town. Edward insisted that I take at least a week to do nothing but putter around the house—and of course, have sex with him. A lot. As he pointed out, we wanted to make a baby so we had to get to work on it. Oh, it worked, all right.
The following month it was hot and muggy and I was feeling terribly sorry for myself. Those feelings didn't go away when July came around, they merely became worse. Somewhere in the middle of it, I realized that I wasn't just having some really miserable days where nothing seemed to go right; I was pregnant. I was so sure of it I didn't even feel the need to take a test. I double checked the dates on the calendar, and sure enough, the week-long honeymoon phase after our wedding in early May seemed to have done the trick. The first thing I did was call the gynecologist that saw me on the regular and made an appointment for a possible pregnancy. Then I made my way outside to find my husband.
Our marriage was new enough that I still felt a little thrill when I called him that. It curled in my belly and tickled my throat. When I found him in the horse barn with Lucy and her foal, well, that feeling bubbled up until tears formed in my eyes.
“Edward,” I said as I drew nearer to where he was standing.
“Yes, ma’am,” he answered without looking up. He was checking over the foal’s knobby knees and bent for his task.
“It’s important.”
He looked up then, must have seen whatever my face was showing him. He cursed softly, wiped his hands on his jeans, and pushed his way out the stall door. “You’re crying.”
“It’s not a bad thing; it’s an overwhelming thing.”
His hands cupped my cheeks as he searched my eyes. “You wouldn't lie to appease me, would you?”
I shook my head, or I tried to within his grasp. “No,” I whispered. “I just realized why I’ve been so exhausted and moody and wanting nothing more than to bury my head beneath a quilt every day.”
“How did you figure it out? You never did make that appointment with Dr. Thompson, did you?”
Dr. Thompson had been my physician all my life, which meant he was no spring chicken. I’d seen him for colds and the one time I broke my toe as a young girl, but I had never been comfortable with the idea of that man seeing any area on my body below the waist and above the knees. “No, but I did just make an appointment with Dr. Faraday in Buffalo.”
“Good, maybe she can tell… you…” He trailed off, and I saw the moment he understood as his eyes widened and his face split with a grin.
“I’m positive I’m pregnant so I figured I’d need to see an obstetrician for that.”
“That’s fantastic!”
He let go of my face, grabbing me by the waist and spinning me around. He quickly placed me back on my feet as carefully as a china vase.
“I didn't hurt you, did I? I can't hurt the baby by touching your waist, I know that. But spinning you, maybe I shouldn't do that. Did I make you dizzy?”
“Edward, take a breath.” I laughed at him, so happy to see him happy.
Instead of taking a breath, he kissed me until he stole mine. His whole body molded to mine, and I felt safe and protected, and so, so cherished.
We went to the first appointment a little over a week later. I was never more grateful for Esme’s gift since we had to go so far. Edward made me sit while he checked me in, then he brought me a cup of water and a parenting magazine. His knee bounced a mile a minute as we waited and I tried to distract myself with the pictures of mothers and children in the articles I couldn't focus on.
When I was called back, the very first thing I was given was a sample cup to pee in. Poor Edward was pacing the exam room when I came back from the bathroom, and he visibly relaxed when I sat on the paper-covered padded table. We chatted about the farm while we waited, as much to keep his mind occupied as for my own sense of calm.
We both looked up when the door opened. Dr. Faraday was in her mid-thirties like me, blonde hair cut in a pixie style and kind eyes behind tortoise shell glasses. She smiled when she came in the room, in a way that made my heart beat faster. There was a difference between knowing in my gut and being given the proof.
“Congratulations, you two. You’re going to have a baby.”
Edward whooped so loudly I covered my ears, but I couldn't help but laugh.
If I thought I was spoiled before, it was nothing like what Edward set about doing once we returned back home. He didn't want me to lift a finger, which lasted about a week before I saw how he was running himself ragged.
“You can't keep going on like this. Take it from someone who’s been there. You’ll make yourself sick, and then you won’t do anybody any good.”
“I just want you to have everything, Bella, especially if this is the only child we’re blessed with. I want you to have every wonderful experience you can while you’re carrying our baby inside you.”
Of course I cried, but I couldn't let him keep treating me like I was fragile.
“You heard Dr. Faraday. It’s okay if I continue my usual routine. I don't work nearly as hard as I used to, thanks to you and Seth. And Brady, of course.”
He relented, but only a little. He made all of our meals, took care of Rusty, and made sure I sat down in the middle of the day for at least an hour at lunch time. Vera had joined me in selling her homemade items online, and more often than not, she rode over with Seth and spent the day with me. It eased Edward’s mind for me to have company in the house while he was out on our land.
When we went for my appointment at ten weeks I was about to burst out of my skin. We were going to hear the heartbeat for the first time.
That was the day everything changed. All the plans we’d been making revolved around a single baby; neither of us ever considered it would be anything else.
When the whooshing sound filled the room, Edward had tears on his cheeks. I clutched his hand tightly in mine as we listened, and the doctor moved the doppler wand around.
“I think I might need to do another ultrasound, Bella,” she said absently.
“We did one the last time,” I pointed out, as though she hadn't been there. There was nothing but a blob on a grainy black and white picture. Even as that picture took pride of place on the refrigerator, I had no idea what I was looking at.
“There's a possibility I need to double check, that’s all. Sit tight.”
Well, no woman wants to hear such a vague answer at the doctor’s office, so of course I didn't sit tight. I freaked out.
“You don't think there's anything wrong, do you? Surely she would say if that was the case?”
Edward was clearly just as freaked out as I was, but he was trying to hide it for my sake. “I’m sure it’s nothing to be alarmed about.”
By the time Dr. Faraday came back with the ultrasound machine I was a twisted ball of nerves. “You’d tell me if something was wrong, wouldn't you?”
“Stop worrying, Bella. If I’m right about my suspicions, it isn't a bad thing. I just don't want to say anything until I’m positive.”
I relaxed so much I practically melted in to the crinkly paper under me. Edward squeezed my hand and kissed my face.
After the routine of the cold gel and the wand I tried to look at the screen and see something that made sense. There was the oval of the sac, and I guess there were two peanut-shaped blobs, but I didn't know what it meant.
“Mmmhmm,” the doctor murmured. She clicked several times and then hit a button that had a print-out sliding from the machine. She held it up. “This, and this.” She pointed to the blobs with tiny letters next to them.
“What is that?” Edward asked, squinting.
I sat up, trying to get a better look. “There’s two peanuts.”
“Yes, there are.”
“What does that mean, two peanuts?” Edward looked closer at the sonogram.
“It means you’re having twins, Mr. Cullen.”
We went home in a daze. We’d been planning an expansion of the house to include a dining room and maybe another bedroom on the bottom floor, but those were far off dreams. The kind that wouldn’t come for another year, once Edward turned twenty-one and got the inheritance from his grandfather.
Edward and Seth cleared out the biggest bedroom upstairs and scrubbed it down before painting it in a soft gray with crisp white trim. It held family heirlooms for the time being, and we planned out how much more money we would have to save for a second child.
It didn't hit me entirely that I was going to be a mother, much less instantly a mother of two, until they began to move. At first it was gentle nudges that Edward couldn't feel, which greatly disappointed him. Then it gradually became shoving matches in my womb that were visible if I was laying down. Once, when I was standing outside with Seth as he showed me the wheat crops, it felt like they were doing somersaults. It was actually painful so I had to grab his arm and hang on.
I was beginning to feel like a sideshow attraction as the clothes my girlfriends gave to me no longer fit. I might or might not have turned into a raging bitch at that point in time, but I tried to rein it in.
Edward never would confirm or deny how terrible I was.
We couldn't determine the sex of the babies at any of my numerous appointments. Twin A would be in front of Twin B pretty much every time. Twin A was slightly bigger and appeared to be a girl, but without a clear shot between the legs, Dr. Faraday would only guess. It grew a little frustrating since everyone wanted to gift us clothing and other items, and they kept asking what to pick. We ended up with an overload of neutral items handed down, and I knew it would be fine either way.
Esme came out for Christmas. Carlisle claimed he had too much work to do, but I didn't mind. I didn't want the added stress of his negativity. Esme was such a big help that I never wanted her to leave. I felt like a child at that point, huge and swollen and exhausted all the time. I wasn't even sure how Edward had the patience to put up with me. Esme would run me a bath after lunch and often insisted I take a nap. I felt better most of the time after I woke in the late afternoon, finding Esme and Vera in the living room sewing. Vera had spent several days teaching Esme how to sew, and though she hadn't admitted it, I was pretty sure it was something for the babies she was sewing. She would stash it away as soon as I came into the room. It was so sweet.
When January came and went and Esme had been home for a few weeks, I tried to remember to take care of myself the way Esme had done. I was in a pretty good mood again and spent most of my time in the nursery. Esme’s Christmas gift had been two cribs, huge boxes that came by delivery while she was visiting, and a soft and fluffy rug. After Edward put the cribs together, I found myself putting the sheets on and imagining our babies in them. I folded and refolded the newly laundered baby things; the clothing with snaps that was so soft and itty-bitty, and blankets with tiny patterns on them. When Esme called and asked me what I was up to, she told me I was nesting. Apparently it meant I was close to delivering.
I knew that I would likely have them early, but it put a sense of urgency in me to finish every last detail while I had the time. I desperately wanted to meet the babies I had yet to name.
There was no sense in waiting around until I went into labor and then scrambling to get to the hospital on time, so after much discussion between Dr. Faraday and Edward, we decided to schedule the birth. After many weekly visits, I was found to be dilated a few centimeters and ready to be scheduled.
Edward and I spent the day before cuddled up in our bed, acutely aware that our lives would permanently change in less than twenty-four hours. We talked about everything from how the birth was likely to go, to boy and girl names, to how we would tend to the babies at night while they were in the bassinets in our room. We had one on each side of the bed, and we both felt calm and ready.
The next day was a flurry of activity. We had to be at the hospital very early, so early that Seth wasn't at the farm when we left. Esme was scheduled to fly in mid-morning, and Rose and Emmett were going to pick her up and bring her to us. They wanted to be present for the twins’ arrival, though Emmett promised to stay in the waiting room.
Looking back on it now, it was another best day for me. Even though delivery was no picnic, there was no greater feeling than the doctor handing over two bundles wrapped in the standard hospital-issued white blankets and being told we had two girls.
Love!
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