Love has no fear, love has no reason
Stop standing on the edge
Take my hand, erase the past forever
Love makes no sense, love has no name
Love is never wrong and never needs a reason
It can make you better
It can change you slowly
~Amy Lee, Love Exists
No lesson needed. Love truly is everything.
Through the obstetrician appointments and the bit of nausea Bella suffered, she remained upbeat and excited. Despite her reassurances, I wasn't sure how she would handle the upheaval of a baby and a wedding. I should have known she’d kick ass and take names. Figuratively, of course.
She and Kate spent hours planning the wedding. Maggie and I joined in here and there, but those two were the best at getting it organized. We planned for just the family on the third of December in mid-afternoon. Bella wanted to use the backyard of Kate and Maggie’s house, and insisted she wouldn't pick an insubstantial dress that would leave her freezing. After the vows we were going out to dinner at the restaurant at the Four Seasons where Bella and I met again during the gala.
Lucas and Felix both felt the need to threaten me with my very existence if I ever hurt Bella. Lucas couldn't keep a straight face while he delivered his warning; he and I were on pretty friendly terms. Felix, well, he was Felix, and I could never tell what he was thinking. His face was continuously impassive.
Thanksgiving was a busy affair because we were making all the last minute plans for the wedding. Mom was cooking with some input from Maggie, while Kate, Bella, and I confirmed that all of our responsibilities had been met.
“Good thing we didn't make a big deal out of this,” I said with a roll of my eyes.
“Just shut it and tell me if you confirmed with the florist.” Kate was acting extra crabby, and she was making me crabby.
“Go take a nap.”
“Do you want me to get Mom’s butcher knife and cut off your balls?”
“Hey, now, no cutting my husband’s balls off.”
I stared at Bella for a minute before a smile spread across my face. “Repeat that?”
“Ugh. You two need to relax. This was supposed to be stress-free. Kate, we have everything confirmed: cake, flowers, music, formal wear rental. No big deal.”
“Fine. I’m going to find my wife.”
We watched Kate leave the dining room. The table was already set for Thanksgiving dinner, but we’d pushed a few plates out of the way. I set about straightening them. “Is everything really in place? You can relax and stop worrying about it?”
“Yes. It’s all good.” She pushed up to kiss my cheek.
“Was I an ass to her?”
“Well, yeah, but you two are like that. I think her pregnancy hormones are making her a little edgy.”
“In other words, what I have to look forward to?” I smirked.
“Probably, so learn to live with it, or I’ll be aiming for your balls.”
I cupped said balls and half turned away. “You’re hurting their feelings.”
“On that note, I’m going to help in the kitchen.”
During dinner, Vicky kept bouncing around in her seat. When Mom told her for the third time to sit down and eat, I asked what had her so squirmy.
“I get a new brother and a cousin and an aunt. I’m so excited!”
The kid actually squealed.
“Not today, you aren't, so why don't you settle down?”
She settled a little, but kept shifting around as she ate.
I caught Bella’s gaze and she winked at me. In the past few weeks it had come to my attention that she was filling out more. She had always been skin and bones, but since Halloween I could see where she was softer, more rounded. I was afraid she’d think I was saying she was fat if I pointed it out, so I went the route of telling her she looked good, and telling her often. I smiled at her wink and she grinned at me.
With most of the family napping after lunch, Dad and I cleaned up the kitchen.
“Are you ready for all the changes in your life?” he asked.
I stopped for a second, throwing the dishtowel I was using over my shoulder. “I’m more than ready. I’ve known Bella for over a year now, and I’m in awe of the person she’s become.”
“I have noticed a big change in you since you came back home. You were miserable before you started volunteering. You seemed much happier after that, if lonely. Once you and Bella found your stride, you changed again. I’ve never seen you this content.”
I looked at my dad as he wiped down the counters. “I’m glad it shows. I am content, Dad. I’m excited to have a family with Bella, and watch her grow even more. I think she’ll be a tentative mother at first, but I believe it won’t take long for her to figure it out.”
“Well, all I can say is that I’m happy for you.” He clapped me on the shoulder and lowered his voice. “None of the things from her past are an issue anymore?”
“She’s moved on. She’s protected herself from what was going on, covered her ass. It’s why she surrounds herself with the two men that work with her at the shelter.”
“And she does counseling?”
“Twice a week, sometimes phone calls in between. She’s working on not doubting herself, which can only help her be a better mother in the long run. She's been exploring homeopathic treatments for her anxiety, like meditation, yoga, and essential oil massage.”
“I agree with you that it can only help in the long run. If you ever need anything we’re here for you.”
“I know, Dad, and I appreciate it.” I smiled at his gesture.
“Plus, your mother will never want to put that baby down. You’ll have free babysitting for life.”
I laughed. “That’s what grandparents are for.”
He looked off toward the kitchen window. “So, I want to offer to walk her down the aisle, or whatever it ends up being.”
“She would be touched, I’m sure.” I was touched. As he looked back at me, I hugged him. “Thanks.”
He thumped me on the back in his man-hug style. “It’s nothing.”
It was everything.
When we gathered in Kate and Maggie’s house a few days later, it was the subtle and simple affair that we’d envisioned. There were a few squat vases of white roses and stephanotis scattered throughout the living room. Since I'd been in charge of coordinating the florist, I actually knew the names of the white winter flowers we'd used. Out the back windows I could see the smattering of chairs for our family. We were lucky there had only been a few flurries in the last few days. The only people not closed up in the bedroom were the men. Lucas, Felix, the officiant we’d hired, my dad, and I gathered in the kitchen for a drink before the wedding. We had a few toasts, but I didn't want to trip on my way down the aisle so I didn't have too many.
Mom came first to tell us the women were ready. Vicky came out next, adorable in her silver flower girl dress and jacket. The officiant went ahead and stepped outside, and Mom went with him to take her seat. Lucas and Felix followed her lead while Dad and Vicky waited for Maggie, Kate, and Bella. I followed the others outside, reluctant to have to wait for Bella to come through the yard to reach me. I was more than ready for the moment when she became my wife.
Maggie and Kate came out first. They were dressed in lovely gray dresses, and they each hugged me as they passed to stand on the other side of the officiant. Vicky came next, throwing white rose petals at her feet. When she stood with her mothers, she was bouncing on her toes while we waited for Bella.
“Aunt Bella is so pretty, Uncle Edward. She looks just like a princess!”
I couldn't help the huge grin. “I bet she’ll be happy to hear that.”
I watched down the aisle, impatient for a glimpse of her. A few moments later, the back door opened and she came walking toward me on my father’s arm. It was more than the simple white bouquet, elegant hair, and white dress with a fur wrap that made her look beautiful. She was so happy it showed on her face. I was absolutely elated to see her come toward me full of confidence with a bright smile on her face. When she reached me, I could see the happiness shining in her eyes.
“You’re breathtaking.”
If possible, she smiled wider and then blushed. “Thank you. You look pretty handsome yourself.”
The ceremony itself was a blur. I said what I was prompted to say, staring into Bella’s eyes and listening to her vow to love and cherish me for the rest of her life. It went by so fast it was like I had merely blinked, and we were married.
The ladies went inside to change out of their mostly rented formal wear and faux fur capelets. The officiant said a few words in parting before he left, and then there were only four of us in the living room waiting to leave.
“It was nice. Really beautiful,” Lucas said, and for a second I thought he was crying.
“I’m glad it’s over. You look forward to the day so much that when it arrives, you just want it to all happen and be done with so you can start your married life.”
Felix looked at me as I spoke. “You’ll be good to her.”
It was a statement and not a demand, which kind of surprised me. Up until that point, he'd been fairly reluctant to accept me in Bella’s life.
“I plan to.”
The women came out, little Vicky holding Bella’s hand. Bella’s eyes were a bit red, and I frowned as she walked up and kissed me. “I’m okay, I promise. Just overwhelmed at the kindness of your family.”
“They are irritatingly wonderful.”
Kate smacked my shoulder as she walked past.
“In a loving and supportive way, is what I meant to say.”
That time I heard Kate laughing from behind the door of the coat closet.
We made an odd group at dinner, or so it felt to me. I suppose from an outsider's perspective, it appeared that my sisters were with Bella's friends. To me, they were all the people that compromised our family, both blood and chosen. I'd chosen Bella, so her chosen family was now my family. Bella had been welcomed into my family like a daughter, just as Maggie had when she married Kate.
We were expanding, and I gave thanks again for whatever it was that made me stay in Illinois, even if it was cowardice. I'd forgotten how much I needed my family close to me to be happy.
As Felix and Victoria played tic-tac-toe on a notepad Maggie pulled from her purse, it struck me that he and Lucas were uncles to her, as they would be to mine and Bella's child. Hopefully, one day, children. Vicky laughed at something Felix said, and I realized that he did have more expressions besides impassive. He made faces at her until she was giggling hysterically. It wasn't lost on me that the two men Bella considered brothers had turned their lives around as well. I didn't know if it was all for Bella's sake, or because they wanted a calmer, better life, too. Either way, years had been erased from their faces over the past months. They looked happy; they gave me the impression they were at peace. Nothing was a façade any longer.
As I picked up my lovely wife's hand and kissed the back of it, her eyes glowed in the candlelight when she smiled at me.
“Do you know that I have everything I ever wanted? And it's all because of you.”
“I know, because I feel the same.”
“Thank you for this life. It's perfect for us.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
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