I tried to hold these secrets inside me
My mind's like a deadly disease
I'm meaner than my demons
I can't help this awful energy
God damn right, you should be scared of me
Who is in control?
~Halsey, Control
When I discovered not even a shovel could dig me out of this hole.
Bella spent the night thrashing in her sleep and screaming at unseen demons. I held her close and caught a few blows to my chin, but I couldn't quell her nightmares. I doubted I would have slept anyway, with my conscience weighing on me, but trying to calm her made my night miserable.
When we woke in the morning after a few stingy hours of sleep, Bella stared at me from puffy eyes. We were facing each other on our respective pillows, and if I’d been foolish enough to expect a warm good morning, I would have been disappointed.
Good thing I knew better.
“I have to make plans for Jimmy.”
“I know.”
“Are you going to be a problem?”
I lifted an eyebrow. “If I was going to be a problem, I would have called it in last night. Are you doing this alone?”
She squeezed her eyes closed, rubbing her temples and rolling onto her back. “Garrett has a thing with Emmett he couldn't get out of. Felix is on Carlisle today.”
“So you have no back up. What if plan A fails?”
She sighed, staring at the ceiling. “Then I’ll make a plan B before I go.”
“I could just go with you.”
She turned her head to look at me, then sat up so she was looking down on me. Fitting. “And make you an accessory to murder?”
I sat up. “I have a newsflash for you, I’m already an accessory just by sitting here talking to you about it and doing nothing to stop you.”
She looked over my shoulder for a minute. “Fine, but you stay in the fucking car. I don't need you riding in on your white horse and fucking things up.”
I laughed. “Of course, princess. But you need some way of contacting me if things go south.”
“Then I’ll dig out my old walkie-talkies, since I’m fresh out of super spy communicators.”
“Here I thought you had a toy for every occasion.”
Her face took on a devious look. “I haven't even shown you my toys yet.”
Fuck me.
She was up and in the bathroom with the door firmly closed before I could process her words thoroughly and tell my dick to stand down.
I retreated to my own bathroom and took a scalding hot shower. Thanks to the previous night, I wasn't exactly chomping at the bit for a selfie, but it was always tempting around Bella. Instead, I opted to move quickly and start making coffee, because I sensed I would need pots of it to get through the day.
By the time I had coffee and breakfast made, Bella came into the kitchen with those stupid thigh high socks and a long shirt. I constantly felt like she was punishing me. Saying nothing, I poured her a cup of coffee and handed her a plate of eggs. She sat at the breakfast bar and I caught her looking around.
“I cleaned it up. What was it?”
“A vase. It was empty, on that table behind the couch.” She gestured behind her.
“Just so I know what I’ll have to reimburse the lease company.”
“Don't get your panties in a twist. I’ll pay for it.”
Of course she would. I watched her eat her eggs and fool around on her cell phone. She had it on silent, but I was standing across the bar from her and could see her texting somebody.
“Looks like Jimmy dearest has a shipment he’s in charge of tonight. Sounds like the most appropriate time and place to take him out, doesn't it?”
“Which warehouse and what type of shipment?” I waited while she texted again, eating in the meantime.
“Bleak Street Warehouse, ten p.m., and it’s a weapons shipment. Shit.”
“You’ll have to move carefully and make sure he doesn't gain access to any of that.”
She picked up her mug and glared at me over the top. “No kidding. He’ll have more than the upper hand if he gets ahold of a fucking rocket launcher while I’ve only got my Glock.”
“Please tell me nobody is actually dealing in rocket launchers?”
She merely drank her coffee with one eyebrow curved up. Son of a bitch.
“Eat up, we have to drive over to my place so I can access my cache, and then I’ll solidify the plans with you.”
I concentrated on eating instead of letting my brain go into overdrive on how to covertly report that the Cullen Family was deeper into the arms business than we originally thought. When Bella finished, she went into her room and came back moments later with a skirt and shoes on, carrying a purse.
“I don't think I’ve ever seen you with a purse before.”
She looked down at her outfit and back up at me. “I try to fit in at this building and not look like your stripper whore girlfriend.”
“Well it’s not going to work with that potty mouth. And, seriously, those socks and those shoes? You’re missing your mark, doe eyes.”
Her doe eyes narrowed and I wondered if I’d pushed her too far. Eh, if I did, I knew where it would lead.
“These thigh highs turn you on, Tony Di Stefano, and these three inch Mary Janes are just icing on the cake. Mr. Cooper at the desk likes them.”
I snorted. “Of course he does. He’s picturing them locked around his head.”
She laughed. “Fair point. Now, let's go.”
Just because my old as fuck Cadillac was parked in a garage next to Audis and Escalades didn't mean it suddenly looked classy. Oh well, this job would be over soon and I could go back to my trusty Volvo. There was a bit of sun trying to peek through the clouds on our ride over to Bella’s house. I kept checking in my mirrors to make sure nobody was tailing us. Despite Carlisle’s reassurances about his sons believing all of my stories, I stood by the adage that I would rather be safe than sorry.
When I reached the turn-off I kept going, circling the next block and heading back. None of the cars behind me made the same turns, so I conceded that we were safe and pulled down her street.
“7-9-2-6,” she said to remind me, and I punched the code into the gate. The garage door had closed behind me before I felt remotely relaxed.
She was all business as she exited the car and went to a door I’d never noticed before off the mud room. She used a keypad to unlock this door, and inside was a glass fronted cabinet full of various weapons.
I whistled, my eyebrows going up at the shotguns, semi-auto rifles, and multiple handguns. I could see the TAVOR Israeli assault rifles, Armatix iP1 handguns that came with a wristwatch that prevented anyone other than the authorized user from firing the gun, FN tactical Carbine rifles, and a shitload of Desert Eagles and Glocks. Most of these weapons were not even on the market yet. “You’ve been holding out on me.”
“In more ways than one,” she muttered as she opened the cabinet.
She started handing me weapons, and the long guns I propped against the wall beside me. The two Glocks I tucked into my waistband while she went through boxes of ammo. She pulled out a drawer in the bottom portion of the cabinet, and I saw that it held a few rifle bags. She handed one to me and took one for herself, slipping the strap over her neck and one shoulder before filling it. Ammo, extra clips, one walkie talkie, the other handed to me. I filled my bag with everything she handed me, hoping to God we wouldn't need it. It truly looked like we were going to war.
“Done,” she said as she zipped her bag and closed the cabinet doors.
I followed her to the kitchen, where she set her bag on the table and then went to the island. She pulled a legal pad close to her and started drawing.
“This is the dock where he’ll meet the boat. This is the warehouse where he has them unload and show him the goods. I want to wait until he thinks he’s done and everyone else has cleared out. Then it should be a simple through and through.”
“He has no guards, no friends coming along? No foot soldiers?” I frowned as I looked at her square for the warehouse. “Where’s the parking lot?”
She drew in a rectangle. “Here. He’ll most likely park along the building, near this door.” She added an X.
“So he is going to be alone?” I verified. She didn't answer. “Bella, what the hell?”
“Okay, so this is where I might need a plan B. I have no idea if he’ll be alone or not.”
Letting my head hang, I ran my hands through my hair. “When I took the shipment for Emmett, there were five other guys there. I guaran-damn-tee they were all armed to the teeth, not including the guy blatantly carrying an AK.”
“I’m hoping to hide in the shadows, maybe even the roof.”
I watched her mark a spot on the square. “And then what? If you take him out, all hell will break loose and the rest of the men will look for the shooter. You need another plan.”
“I could do it when he first arrives.”
“Only if you know he’ll be alone.”
Bella made an irritated sound in her throat. “Or I could sit on my ass and wait for him to come back to the club, get close to him, and slit his throat like I did Riley. The problem is, it would be in plain sight.”
I sighed, spinning the paper around. “What if we wait until they’re all at the dock? You have a scope, get him long distance using the car as your stand. Then we’ll take off before they can get across the parking lot.”
Bella looked up at me. “That could work.” Her eyes narrowed. “You have experience in this sort of thing.”
“Which is why you should have asked me in the first place.”
She dropped her gaze. “I don't do well relying on other people.”
“So I’ve noticed.”
That night, under the cover of darkness and a street light that I’d shot out earlier when we scoped the area, we watched for the men to accept the shipment at the docks. Bella laid her .50 caliber Barrett rifle across the hood of the Caddy and adjusted her sights. I was happier that I was with her, ignored the thought that I shouldn't be there, and focused on the wind.
“It’s heading South-West, so don't forget to adjust left.”
“Got it,” she answered after a second, straightening up and adjusting the black beanie she wore.
“Should only be a few more minutes now,” I commented, mostly because anxiety had me on edge.
“Stop talking, Jesus.”
I shut up, burrowing my hands in my pockets. It never quite felt like summer once the sun went down, but the temperature was hovering in the low seventies. A car rumbled above us on the overpass we were situated under, and Bella stiffened.
“Come on, come on,” she muttered, checking the scope again for movement across the expanse of concrete.
The faint sound of a boat’s motor could be heard, and men came out of the warehouse. I squatted behind the car, using binoculars to check for who was who. I recognized a few of the men, including the one they called Greasy Thumb.
“Bingo,” she sang softly, adjusting her weapon.
I watched as they greeted the boat driver, watched as they were crowded around each other and then parted. I heard Bella’s quietly expelled breath and then the sound of the rifle. Jimmy’s head exploded like a watermelon dropped from a fifth story window.
Neither of us stood around and waited for the fallout. Bella grabbed the gun and slung it into the backseat, crawling into the front passenger seat as I gunned the engine. Gravel spit from under the tires as I accelerated, and I was unsurprised to hear the tell-tale ping of bullets as the men shot at us. Luckily, we’d thought of things like distance and speed, and their weapons were ineffectual at doing too much damage to my old car.
“We’re gonna have to get that fixed!” she shouted above the sound of the engine.
She had a point. If anyone saw the holes, they’d question the source. “Overnight?” I responded. I eased off the pedal as I reached the interstate, merging with traffic at a more reasonable speed.
“You’d be surprised what I can pull off.”
“Not anymore.” No, I’d seen what she was capable of time and again, and it no longer amazed me.
“You can use the hatchback tomorrow, as long as you drop me off and pick me up. I have a shift from four to midnight.”
“That could work.”
Nobody would care if I drove Bella’s car. Everyone knew by now we lived together. I was a little worried about going to the club tomorrow and hearing what everyone had to say about Jimmy’s death.
“It’ll be fine, stop worrying.”
I glanced at her. “How did you know I was worrying?”
“Because I know you by now. All your idiosyncrasies, all your tics, and definitely your tells.”
Fuck, I hoped my tells weren’t obvious.
“Don't worry, they're not that obvious.”
“Can you read my mind, too?”
She laughed. “No, but it would be a nice skill.”
“It damn sure would.”
Bella gave me a stink eye. “There’s a reason I don't tell you everything.”
“Yeah, to save your ass.”
“And yours, too, pretty boy.”
We pulled into her garage and switched over to the hatchback. She was planning on laying low for a few days, maybe a week, before making any moves on the brothers. We headed for the apartment, mindful of anybody who might be following us. I still didn't see anybody, and I looped a few neighborhoods to be sure.
I was high on adrenaline when we got back to the apartment and I ended up pacing my bedroom. Bella had gone to bed to sleep like the proverbial baby after killing a guy. My brain went around and around about how to cover for what went down. Nobody was going to question me, but it was going to be talked about at the club. Basically, I had to perfect my shocked face. The only good thing was that it sounded like Jimmy had been treading thin ice, so it shouldn't surprise anyone that he finally went down.
I decided to shower to try to wind down, which only made a marginal difference. Stepping in front of the dresser as I ran a towel over my hair, I saw the reflection of someone standing behind me. I dropped the towel I was holding and stared into the mirror.
“I couldn't sleep,” she said.
For a split second, I thought I’d let my guard down far enough to be stupid and allow someone inside my home. My hands went to my hair, pulling hard as I thought about what I’d let slide and what I needed to do to regain control of my investigation.
“Edward.”
Her voice was quiet, and I shook off guilt-ridden thoughts to focus on Bella. She was a few feet behind me, illuminated by the moonlight coming through the windows. And she was stark naked.
“What are we doing, Bella?”
“What do you mean?”
I braced my hands on the dresser, contemplating turning around and demanding answers versus turning around and sating my lust.
“This, between us. Where you do illegal things and I let you. Where you fuck me when you’re bored but won’t let me inside your mind.”
Her reflection moved, came closer to my own. “I told you why I can’t let you in—”
“Bullshit! What have you saved me from? I’m in this deeper and deeper, and for what? So I can have the cell next to yours?”
“If I told you all the depraved things this Family has done, that the Cullens have done, you’d be on the phone to your boss without blinking. Not only would the boys get away, but you’d be in so much shit for what I’ve asked of you!”
“So now you want to pretend that you care that I’ve broken the law for you. I’ve taken my sworn duty and shit on it! You don't care about anybody but yourself, princess. Stop pretending that you do.”
Soft hands touched my back, and I tried to hold back my feelings. They had no place here, and they were what got me in this god-forsaken mess to begin with. All the years I’d spent perfecting my game, all the jobs I’d been on, and I’d thrown away my integrity for a skirt.
“I don't want to fight with you. I don't want you to go to jail for helping me. I will protect you, because I dragged you into this mess. Please, don't be angry with me.”
I was angry with her, but I was more angry at myself. Tears and a sob story was all it had taken. That and those fucking huge brown eyes. Her hands moved over my back and down to slip off the towel around my waist and rest on my ass, which clenched involuntarily. One hand slipped around to rest on my abdomen while the other came around to stroke my cock, which I had to admit was mostly hard from the second I recognized it was her standing there.
“Don't be angry,” she whispered as she kissed my back.
I was still braced on the dresser, my fingers curling around the edge. I knew what she was doing; manipulating me. “Why did you come in here?” My breathing had changed, coming in pants as she stroked up and down my length.
“To ask if I could sleep in your bed with you.” She continued to kiss over my back, while she gripped my hip and pumped my cock.
“Liar.”
“Honestly.” The hand on my hip moved to cup my balls. “I couldn't sleep. Despite what you may think, I don't relish having taken a man’s life. It isn't my goal to be a heartless bitch.”
“You do relish having taken Jimmy’s life. And you’ll dance on the graves of the Cullen men.” I sucked in a breath. “And if you don't stop what you’re doing, I’m going to come all over your hand and the carpet.”
Her hand slowed but she didn't stop touching me. She moved around me, kissing my shoulder and slipping under my arm to stand in front of me. Her lips found the scar from my recent bullet wound and she ran her tongue over the raised flesh. My head was lowered and she raised up on her toes to find my mouth with hers. It was a quick kiss.
“Don't hate me.”
How could I hate her when I loved her so much? How could I turn her away when I needed her desperately?
She turned in the cage of my arms and rubbed her ass over my leaking cock. She had to have already known I would never turn her down. I couldn't turn away from her, no matter how angry I became. She took my hands in hers and placed them on her breasts, rubbing over them with me.
My dick twitched against her ass and I gave up. “You know what you do to me. It’s hardly fair.”
It took minimal shifting to have my cock slipping between her ass cheeks. She leaned over the dresser and moaned loudly as I pinched her nipples and thrust against her a few more times.
“Now you’re just teasing me,” she accused.
“Turnabout is fair play and all that, doe eyes. You just spent twenty minutes teasing me.”
She was right, though, and I was done playing around. I shifted my hips until I felt the wetness of her pussy and pushed inside her. Her breath came out in a huff and then she gasped. I wanted to see her face in the mirror, to watch the swinging of her tits as they bounced, but it was too dark. I would have to use my imagination. I wasn't in a hurry, no brutal pounding like I would usually give her. I set up a slow rhythm of pulling out all the way and then slipping back in. Bella was incredibly wet and kept arching her back as I moved. I alternated pinching her nipples and rubbing her clit just so I could hear the sounds that escaped her.
“Oh, fuck, Edward, I’m coming, oh, fuck… ” Her words trailed off as a long wail erupted and all of her muscles locked down.
I sped up to find my release, pulling her onto my cock so that we slammed together roughly. The tightening in my balls and the explosion hit me without warning, and I gripped her hips tightly as I bent over her to catch my breath.
“That was much better than sleeping, wasn't it?” she said as she rested her face on the top of the dresser and looked at me over her shoulder.
It was pretty obvious by then that not even a shovel could have dug me out of this hole.
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