Happiness is found in the darkest ways
As I search around I know nothing but mistakes
Black is the soul that's led astray
And when you scream you push me so much further
As it all falls down do I walk away
Or do I stand my ground and accept my fate
~Korn, Black is the Soul
When I realized I’d gone too far to turn back around.
I didn't expect Bella to be in bed with me when I woke up, and she didn't disappoint. Neither did I bother to worry about where she was, since she made it clear she ran this circus. I should have been the lion tamer, and instead I was one of many clowns crowding inside the miniature car.
I made a quick breakfast and a pot of coffee, pondering what I had to do today. Tributes weren't until tomorrow, and I didn't think I had any pressing business, so I decided to find an apartment once and for all. There were a few acceptable places in the paper and I called and made appointments to view them. I’d decided I didn't care anymore about the cost. Bella was right about one thing; I was pushing boundaries and breaking rules.
I spent the afternoon looking over three places, and made a decision on the second apartment. I gave the deposit and first month's rent to the manager and took my copy of the lease. Anthony Di Stefano had just become the proud lessee of a two bedroom condo in a nicer area than the one where he currently lived. The building was modern and sleek, all metal and windows. The living area was spacious with an open kitchen that looked over the common areas and had a view to the city beyond the large windows. I took the keys and headed back up the elevator, texting Bella to meet me at this address when she could.
I crossed the tiled entryway to the living room and sat on the sofa. I pulled off my shoes and stretched my legs out across the gray cushions, expecting to pass the time waiting for Bella with a nap. I liked that this place came furnished and included utilities. It eased my conscience to think I’d saved money in some aspects. From my spot I could only make out the dark clouds that threatened more rain, but it was fine with me. I closed my eyes and tried to clear my mind of everything weighing on it lately.
I could only hope to find the answers Bella needed and leave my post as soon as possible after that. I would lie like a rug to my bosses and make excuses for my sparse communication. All in all, there was nothing they could do to me. I had to be given leeway to thoroughly infiltrate an organization, and that included committing a few misdemeanors.
I fell asleep to the sound of the rain as it decided to grace us with its presence yet again. It was the sound of loud knocking that got my attention and forced my groggy brain to stand and pull open the door.
“Why in hell did you ask me to meet you here? And what’s with the bare feet?”
I could see the moment it dawned on her, and she shut up for a change and took a look around. Her eyebrows were raised when she finally looked my way again.
“No shit?”
I shut the door behind her, nudging her out of the way so I could lock it. “No shit.”
“Wow, I didn't think you actually had it in you, but look at this place.” Her whole body turned a full circle as she took another look around. “Two bedrooms?” I nodded as she glanced at me. “Fancy.”
“And expensive. It'll look better to the Cullens, though.”
Bella walked into the living room and plopped down on the couch. “Speaking of the Cullens.” She sat forward to shrug out of her coat and drop it on the coffee table.
“No.” I pulled my hair in frustration and followed her to the couch. “What did you do?”
“What we discussed.”
She said it so nonchalantly, like it was please pass the salt instead of I killed a man. “Fuck, Bella!”
“Don't you dare start being virtuous with me. I did what I had to do, and I tried to tell you last night that it was going to happen one way or the other. I set it up to look like you did it. I have a picture that I’ll forward to your phone and permanently delete from mine. Not that they'll ever bother to look at my phone, mind you, but I’d rather be safe than sorry.”
I stood back up and paced to the window and back to the couch. “What the fuck were you thinking? I’m a goddamn fed, Isabella! I should arrest you right this second and not even think twice about it!”
Bella got up in my face faster than I could blink. “But you won't, because it would mean your life is forfeit.” She snatched her piece out of the back waistband of her pants and pointed it between my eyes.
“Stop fucking shoving your gun in my face!” I bellowed.
“Stop fucking asking for it!”
“You are insane!”
“I’m taking care of business! You have nothing without me, never forget it!”
I pushed away her hand and she relented, placing the gun on the coffee table. Her shoulders were heaving in her agitation as she stared me down.
“Riley was a piece of shit looking to impress his boss by taking out Emmett. Emmett will be forever grateful to you for taking out the enemy. Hell, maybe he’ll even drop to his knees and suck you off.”
I rolled my eyes. “That’s not the point! You killed him after we agreed that I couldn't overlook murder!”
Bella laughed, and I really wanted to slap her. “You sure can overlook it, you have to let me do anything I want in order to take down the bigger fish. And we didn't agree on any damn thing. You explained that you were a pussy and I explained that I had bigger balls and would take care of it myself.”
“Murder has absolutely nothing to do with my masculinity for fuck’s sake.”
“Sure it does. Do you want to know how I did it? I almost paid the Garrotter, but at the last minute I realized he could never infiltrate the man’s private club the way a stripper could.” She was still toe to toe with me, her face flushed and her eyes wild.
“Did you fuck him and then kill him with his dick still inside you?” I didn't think I could find a reason to be more disgusted over her committing cold blooded murder, but that would be it.
“Wouldn't you like to know?” she taunted.
“Goddammit Bella, as someone you regularly have angry sex with, I have a right to know!”
She leaned forward, and I backed up. “Does the idea turn you on? To know I was sitting in his lap like I did to you in my kitchen right before I slit his throat?”
I scoffed. “That’s vulgar. And there's no way you could convince Emmett that I was sitting in the guy’s lap when I killed him, but nice try.”
She laughed again. “Sure I could. Maybe Riley was into guys, what do I know?”
“You are infuriating. If you used your stripper wiles to gain access to his private room in his club, it had to have been because he found you attractive.”
“What about you, Edward?” She took a step closer to me and I backed up again, that time bumping into the window. “Do you find me attractive?” She ran her fingers down between her breasts, and I did my best to ignore her. “Come on, I know you do. You like it when I fuck you, don't you?”
“Go away. Go beg for forgiveness or something.”
“I already told you, my revolver doesn't have a religion. There's no forgiveness to be had, Masen.”
Bella slipped her hand into my pants, finding and stroking my cock. I was proud of the fact that I wasn't turned on in her presence for a change. There was a first time for everything.
“Come on, Edward. I solved one of our problems. Be happy.” She stretched up and nipped my chin.
“No, I don't think so.” I pushed on her shoulders, but my effort was half hearted.
“Yes.” She searched further until her hand was under my briefs.
I moaned, finally unable to hold back my desire. “Godammit.”
She moved, her face inches from my ear. “I didn't have to fuck him. He was so eager to see my pussy that he sent his men from the room. I circled around behind him and pulled my knife from my bra.”
She demonstrated, pulling a knife out of her cleavage and tossing it to the floor. “I own men.” She bit my earlobe. “Including you.”
I groaned in annoyance. And maybe because she’d gone back to stroking my cock. “You’re obnoxious.”
“So?”
I was more annoyed with myself for wanting her even as she taunted me than I was with her actions. I yanked on her sweater, whipping it over her head as her eyes widened. Her hands went back to my pants and pushed them down, so I reciprocated and went for her pants. The second we were both naked I spun her around and pushed her against the window as I sank inside her. She cried out as I started a brutal pace, the only speed I seemed able to use with her. My hand travelled up her body until I cupped her throat and squeezed. She reacted by grabbing my hand and trying to claw it off, but she wasn't strong enough. There was a primal energy running through me at the knowledge that I was stronger than her, despite the fact that she always had the upper hand.
She couldn't cry out, I wouldn't give her the opportunity, but I grunted every time the front of my thighs slapped against the back of hers. I let up on my hold to let her breathe before squeezing again. The temptation to choke the life out of her was there, but I knew I would never follow through with it. She came hard, I felt it as she contracted around my dick, and I let go of her throat to grasp her hips instead. She was nearly limp while I pressed her against the window as I pounded into her until I found my release.
I was boneless as I pulled out. I couldn't do anything other than slump to the floor and try to catch my breath. She remained against the window, probably counting down until she had the energy to find her gun and point it at me again.
“Why do you always fuck me after we argue?”
“Fuck if I know, Masen.”
“Why do I always let you get away with shit I know I should report?”
“I repeat. Fuck if I know, Masen.”
Bella finally slid down until she was sitting next to me, her legs straight out in front of her. I rolled my head in her direction and noticed bruises on her hips.
“Did I put those there?” I couldn't decided if I was disgusted with myself or proud that I’d marked her.
“No.”
“Oh.” There went my caveman delight.
“You’re dying to ask me who did, aren't you?”
“Only if they were the result of sex with someone else. You have to admit I have a stake in that sort of thing, since we always go bareback.”
“Yeah, we do.”
“Okay, I do. But you said I could, and we both seem to lose our freakin’ minds when we fuck.”
“Speaking of which.”
I lifted a brow as I waited for her to go on.
“That was hot, what you did there.”
I smirked. “So my masculinity is only in question when I refuse to murder people?”
“Yeah, I guess so. I’m going to find the shower.”
“There’s nothing in it.”
“Then I guess I’ll just rinse off and drip dry.”
That actually didn't sound like a bad idea. I made my way to the other bathroom, the one in the bedroom I would be using. There was a bed without linens and a dresser. There was nothing in the bathroom, but the shower was a stall with a door, so at least I wouldn't soak the floor.
I turned the water on nice and hot as I thought about Bella. Why did she twist me up inside until I didn't know up from down and right from wrong? I was supposed to look the other way as the Family conducted their business, so why did it bother me so much that she’d killed Riley? I didn't want to be emotionally attached to a murderer. She was a criminal and I was a fed. Where did that leave us? Crashing and burning, that was for damn sure.
I’d gone way too far to turn back around.
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