When you fall in love, it is discovering the ocean
after years of puddle-jumping.
It’s hard to stop loving the ocean,
even after it has left you gasping and salty.
So forgive yourself for the decisions you've made.
The ones you still call mistakes when you tuck them in at night.
And know this; you are the type of woman who is
searching for a place to call yours,
But you have always been The Place.
You are a woman who can build it herself.
You were born to build.
~Sarah Kay
I’d done it. I’d made it through the long, boring summer, and all through the majority of September. It was the middle of the month, and all of my meager belongings were safely stacked in cardboard boxes in my room in my new apartment. It was almost surreal, to sit here on a different bed in a different room, and stare out my window and see a new view entirely. There were two other girls due to arrive today, and I was about to burst out of my skin at the thought. I planned to ask them to go out to dinner with me, and I wanted to walk there, to soak up everything that Seattle had to offer with its busy streets and constant noise.
Thanks to my family, I hadn’t gone insane over the summer. They’d brought me puzzle books, board games, magazines, and anything else they could think of. I’d learned how to build houses in Minecraft with Seth and Jacob. I’d binge-watched television with Sue, cooked and baked more than in my entire life, and finally let Harry teach me wood carving. I was actually pretty good at that, and now I had a small wooden wolf family I’d made for myself sitting on my desk. Emily had come down again and taught me basket weaving; she’d just accepted a position at the Quileute Tribal School to teach weaving and fabric dyeing full time, utilizing her knowledge of the Pacific Northwest Native American traditions.
Sam had appeared on my doorstep like a stray dog, apparently unable and unwilling to keep his distance from Emily. Harry had to run him off; Sam’s expression was so pained that I started wondering if he was experiencing something other than just a weird infatuation. Emily was upset that he would pursue her in such a way when he was engaged to her cousin, but I thought I knew the feelings he was experiencing. I suddenly understood this one small thing about Sam, but he didn’t deserve my help after the way he’d treated me. I attempted to talk to Leah about it, but she was on the Hate Bella Bandwagon and wouldn't speak to me. She blamed me for her shifting much the way Paul did, only she wasn’t looking to kill me, just ignore me. Her loss.
My twenty-first birthday had come and gone, celebrated with a cake Sue made for me and presents meant to cheer me up. Bedding for my new room from Harry and Sue, some clothes from Leah that I’d overheard her arguing with Sue over giving me, and Seth had drawn me a large picture covered with Marvel superheroes, framed and ready to hang. My favorite gift was the dreamcatcher from Jacob that hung on my bedpost; it was meant to keep nightmares at bay, but I was disappointed to find it wasn’t working; I’d had several that consisted of me wandering the meadow lost and alone.
Sitting here waiting, looking at my picture and my bedding, I contemplated the likelihood that there was any area nearby where I would be able to shift. My wolf was straining against the bars of her cage, rattling them in her desperate need to escape after three months in solitary confinement. I would hopefully spend the next few days exploring with my roommates, and maybe they would know of a large park or wooded area. I hoped to turn my roommates into friends, because I was feeling utterly alone. I needed to channel the time I spent by myself into stints in the forest, to remember what it was like to be free, to run until I couldn’t run any further.
When I heard a sound out in the common area of the apartment, I jumped to my feet to dash out of my room. I stopped in the hall, walking more sedately to reach the newcomer. She was standing there, mousy hair a little frizzy from the humidity, with a blue backpack hanging off one arm as she stared at her surroundings. I did my best not to bound up to her like an overeager puppy, but that’s how I felt.
“Hi, I’m Bella.” I didn’t think a handshake was appropriate, so I tucked my hands into the back pockets of my jeans.
“Hi, I’m Jessica,” she responded as she looked at me. She offered a tentative smile. “I only saw the place online, so I’m interested in what it looks like in person.” The main room was big enough for a sectional sofa and a few tables, the TV hanging on the wall and the kitchen separated by a breakfast bar. The colors were all muted greys with a bright accent rug. My favorite part was the tiny balcony and the view of the city.
“Oh, me too. I picked the bedroom at the back, I think it’s the smallest one. The other two are this way.” I pointed.
I followed Jessica as she moved into the other hallway to look at the bedrooms. Each room had a small adjoining bathroom with a shower stall, sink, and toilet. Nothing too fancy, but it was nice to have one to call my own. Jessica picked the room to the left, and I stood in the doorway as she put her bag down.
“I’m glad it came furnished. My boxes won’t arrive until tomorrow.” I smiled at her, unsure of how to answer. “So, classes don't start for a week and a half. What do you want to do in the meantime?” she continued.
This was the opening I was hoping for. “I’d like to explore the campus and everything nearby. I love being outdoors, so I’m hoping for a park.”
“Oh, the best one nearby is Ravenna Park. There’s plenty of trails and forested area. You don’t go out alone, do you?” She sounded worried that I might be accosted if I jogged alone, and I couldn’t exactly tell her why I would be safe.
“I have um, I’ve taken self-defense classes. And I go during the day.” I offered a smile, in the hopes she didn’t think I was crazy.
“Well, let me know when you go. I hate to run unless I’m being chased, but I’d rather go with you than you go alone.” Her baby blue eyes scrutinized me, but not in a bad way.
Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes. I was already making a friend. “Okay,” I said softly.
The front door slammed. “I’m here, bitches!”
Jessica laughed. “That must be Angela. She’s fun; we’ve talked over the summer, but never met.”
We went back to the living room to greet the girl with the straight, dark brown hair and glasses standing in the middle of the room. “Nice. Who furnished the joint?”
“I have no idea, but it’s good to meet you,” Jessica answered.
“Better than messaging on Facebook, huh?” Angela snorted. They briefly hugged.
“Hi, I’m Bella.” I gave a quick wave Angela’s way and she rushed me, almost knocking me off balance with her hug.
“Wow, you’re ripped,” she commented laughingly, squeezing my shoulder before letting me go.
“She jogs,” Jessica said in a stage whisper.
“Ew. For fun, or because of zombies?”
I looked back and forth between the girls, confused. “What?”
“Oh, you aren't kidding?” Angela responded after a second of silence.
“My parents were pretty strict about certain things. It’s my first time off the reservation,” I tried to explain. “Besides, I’d rather read than watch TV.” Minus the time holed up in solitary.
“Hold up. You’re from a reservation? As in, Native Americans?” Jessica asked. I knew what she saw when she looked at me; a basic white girl.
“Yeah, I’m adopted.” My head was starting to spin, so I couldn't imagine how they felt. “Um, I was hoping to find a place for dinner so we could get to know each other.” I shrugged.
“Awesome idea, Bambi!” Angela enthused with a wide smile.
I already had a nickname. “Cool. Wanna walk around, or do you two know of a place?”
We agreed to walk, after the other two changed their clothes and fixed their makeup. That was something I’d have to get used to; I’d never bothered with more than chapstick, and now I had to wait for people to get ready to go somewhere.
We settled for pizza, since I wasn't sure about the Thai restaurant right down the street from our apartment building. The Italian restaurant wasn’t much further from the other place, and I found myself overrun with girl talk after we ordered.
“I'm totally hoping to find a boyfriend,” Jess babbled. “I finally dropped my boyfriend from freshman year; he would rather ogle other girls than pay attention to me. I need a new one in the worst way. Hopefully somebody in most of my classes so I can get homework help,” she giggled.
Angela rolled her eyes. “It’s not at the top of my list, but someone to date would be nice. This year I finally don't have to be nervous about being so young in my advanced classes with the upperclassmen.”
I waited until the guy dropped our pizza on the table before I spoke up. “My boyfriend had to leave at the beginning of summer. It was brutal,” I said quietly.
The girls plated slices for each of us before Angela spoke again. “I’m sorry, Bambi. Have you spoken to him recently?”
I swallowed. “Um, he’s been really busy.” I kept my eyes on my pepperoni.
“Did he ghost you?” Jess demanded. I frowned. “You know, when someone disappears on you instead of having the balls to break up with you.”
I thought about it for a few seconds. It felt like it, but it wasn't in Edward’s nature. “I hope not,” I answered, still quiet.
Jessica waved her slice around. “That sucks.”
Angela squeezed my hand. “We’ll be the three single amigas.”
“I wanna be Charlie’s Angels,” Jessica said with her mouth full, and we all laughed.
Make that two new friends.
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