All I need is one touch
Just one
To remember what it feels like to be home
One kiss is asking too much
One glimpse of your face- impossible
I don’t know how to feel whole again
I am merely numb
Hiding behind a smile
~ Lara Norman
I was beginning to feel a sense of peace in my new routine. I found a part time job at the campus bookstore, which paid enough to cover my share of rent but not my groceries, so I had to humbly accept a small amount of money from Harry and Sue each month. My roommates were my fast friends, and we made more friends as the time before school went on. Lauren lived down the hall, but I would never consider her more than a mutual acquaintance. Tyler was Lauren’s friend, and he had his eyes on Jess. Their flirtatious banter bothered me in a way it shouldn’t; everything made me think of Edward.
He was constantly on my mind, in a glaring way. I could focus on work and only think of him every five minutes when I was there, but when I was home alone or had nothing to occupy my brain, I was overwhelmed with memories and this physical pain I couldn’t describe. The best part of my life had been those small, nameless moments spent with the one that mattered the most to me. Now, there was a gaping hole where he’d pulled my heart out and taken it with him, and more often than not I had the sensation of suffocating.
Those were the times when I escaped to the park that Jess told me of. I ran far into the woods, off the trail, and let my inner wolf take over my senses. I could solely be her, not Bella. Not daughter or sister or friend or student, but wolf. Wild and carefree, running as far and as fast as she dared, I let the kwoli take over my head and my heart. On the Saturday before school started, she was drawn time and again to a large boulder that rested near a river cutting through the trees. Closer to the trail, the river was crossed by a wooden bridge where many people stopped to take pictures. In this area, however, the water roamed calmly in a straight line, heedless of its surroundings. The boulder caused a familiar awareness that almost brought back the sadness, but the wolf in me wouldn’t allow it.
Before the sun was completely set, I forced myself to picture my apartment, my new friends, and the dinner plans we had. For a moment, I didn’t feel as though I could make the change back to my human self. The wolf was drawn back to the rocks, and wanted to linger, but the human in me was hungry and needed to get back before the girls worried that I was out past dark. That was one sure way to never be allowed outside alone again.
When she finally released me, realizing the wisdom of my thoughts, I walked naked to the clothes I’d left carefully folded before phasing. When I touched my shirt, I felt a flash in my brain. Edward. Not the first time I'd felt it, it was nevertheless unsettling, so I dressed quickly before heading back to the normal trail. I jogged back to my truck and headed to the apartment, where I let myself in to the sound of laughter.
Smiling, I saw Tyler and Jess on the couch, fighting over which movie to watch. Turning the other way, I spotted Lauren and Angela in the kitchen, and a new guy sitting at the breakfast bar.
“Hi, guys!” I said brightly.
“Hey, Bambi!” Jess called, snatching the movie Tyler tried holding away from her as soon as he was distracted.
Angela waved me over, so I stepped to the end of the counter. “Bella, this is Ben. I met him in the library today.”
The guy was looking at me curiously. He was seated, but he seemed small in stature with slick black hair and glasses. “Hi.”
“Hi. It’s nice to meet you,” I greeted him. He blushed and looked down, so I shot a look of mock horror to Ang. She shrugged and grinned.
“Are we taking this to the roof or watching a movie?” Tyler asked from the couch, holding down Jessica’s hands. She retaliated by tickling him wherever she could reach.
“Outside would be awesome,” I chimed in. It was cool, but not yet freezing.
“That roof makes me so jelly,” Lauren chimed in. I had to look away before rolling my eyes out of my head.
“Well, I’m going to go change first, then I’ll help carry things up the stairs.”
“Okay,” Angela agreed.
I went down the short hall to my room and closed and locked the door. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust my roommates, but I felt more comfortable with the door locked when we had guests and I was going to be naked. I tightened the messy bun in my hair and stepped into the bathroom, running the shower for a minute before jumping in. I thought again of Edward and how I thought I’d smelled him out there in the forest. It was crazy, I knew. He was all the way in Denali, Alaska.
I finished quickly and struggled to pull on clean clothes. Everything wanted to stick to my damp skin, but I finally managed. It would have to be sweats, because the sun was going down and we were heading up to the rooftop terrace. It was a communal area, but a really cool feature of the building. There were firepits and benches with outdoor pillows.
The sound of my phone chirping caught my attention. I picked it up from the dresser where I'd left it before my shower and looked at the screen. Staring at the words, I sank down on the edge of my bed.
Unknown~ I'll see you soon. I promise.
I swiped the screen to unlock it, my fingers hovering over the screen.
Me~ I'm going to hold you to it.
Unknown~ Shaking up the council to make life better for you and all Quileutes. I’m breaking Carlisle’s rule of not communicating until it’s settled.
I smiled, blinking back tears.
Me~ I love you
Unknown~ I love you more.
I saved the number quickly and stepped back into my sneakers, heading to the kitchen. Lauren was coming in the front door empty handed, so she must have run something up.
“What’s left to take?” I asked.
“Oh, um, they’ve already brought up the salad you made earlier and the flatbread Ang and I made. Jess bought stuff for s'mores, so that bag and the kabob sticks need to go. I was going to grab some bottled water to bring up.”
“Why don’t we trade?” I offered, then amended at her haughty look. “Because you’ve already made a run and I haven't.” Not because I was stronger than her, because it annoyed her that I was.
“Okay,” she said slowly. I hefted the case of water easily, and she grabbed the grocery bag and the sticks.
There were others from the building up there when Lauren and I arrived. Lee and Austin lived below us; Katie lived down the hall, and she’d brought her boyfriend Eric. Lauren dropped her items near the firepit our group was seated around, so I brought the water over and set it down. I noticed that Ben was tracking Angela’s every move, which was cute. The view of the city was amazing, and I enjoyed eating a dinner with my friends that we’d made together.
As I looked out over the dark night sky, I wondered what Edward was doing, if he was still in Alaska or if he was in La Push. Then Jess squealed as Tyler grabbed her around the waist, and my attention went back to the group, especially as the marshmallows and chocolate came out.
Sunday was quiet, though I was aware that Jess had Tyler locked up in her bedroom. Angela and Ben made a lunch date, so as long as I pretended my other roommate was playing Scrabble, I could be lazy. I finally couldn’t resist any longer, and dialed the number Edward had sent me the text from.
“Hello, Bella.” His smooth, deep voice filled me with warmth.
“Hi.” I suddenly didn't know what to say.
“What are you doing this lovely Sunday?”
“Nothing, really. I have everything ready for my classes and I’m pretty much alone until dinner.”
“Where are your roommates?” he questioned.
“One is here with her new boyfriend, and the other is out to lunch with her new boyfriend.” I smiled, because I really was happy for them.
“Ah.” I could picture the way he would nod his head as he said that. “I have one or two more things to complete, and then I will fulfill my promise to you.”
“I feel better knowing you haven't been banished for eternity,” I admitted.
He laughed, a rich, honeyed sound. “As if they could keep me from my mate for such a time.”
My face split with a huge grin. “The way you say mate sounds perfect. I love you so much, Edward.”
“I love you more than my own life. I will see you before you know that the time has passed.”
“Good.”
I heard some commotion in the background, followed by a less than tolerant sigh. “I must go. Goodbye for now.”
“Okay, bye.”
I lounged around my bedroom reading for the rest of the afternoon, finally venturing to the kitchen for food, only to rush back when I heard the telltale sounds of a man enjoying himself. I giggled at my absurdity; it wasn’t like they were catching me eavesdropping. We were all home for the evening, so we made dinner again and finally watched the movie Tyler had picked.
My first day of classes verged on boring. I’d chosen physics as my major, and I hated some of the courses I had to focus on, such as complex math. Even though I was good at it, it didn’t hold my attention. Unfortunately, we spent most of each class going over our syllabus and introducing ourselves. Thankfully, some professors didn’t care about the introductions and jumped right into a lecture. Finally, it was my late afternoon quantum mechanics class, one I hoped would be a favorite. As I walked in the door of the huge white room I felt a buzzing in my skull, so fierce that my jaw ached with it. Confused, I sat heavily in a seat near the door to compose myself. It was there, running just under my skin, that urge to shift, to protect, to defend. I took a deep breath, but all I caught was the scent of perfume and cologne, sweat, and athletic gear from a guy near me that apparently played basketball right before class.
I clamped down my shivering muscles, focused sharply on my trembling fingers. I’d let Angela paint my nails a shocking shade of green Saturday; I stared at them to force myself to focus. If I couldn’t gain control, I’d have to leave the room. Which might not be a bad thing, if I needed to investigate what was causing this reaction. I would know the cause of that feeling of intuition anywhere, the one that said danger and fear.
Vampire.
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