FAÇADE Chapter 25

I said I didn’t feel nothing, baby, but I lied

I almost cut a piece of myself for your life

I was just another pit stop ‘til you made up your mind

You just wasted my time

Falling for you was my mistake

~ The Weeknd, Call Out My Name

When the rest of my night went well.

I didn't know if I should want to want her as much I did. I didn't feel any sense of shame or regret for the level of need surging through me. The warmth that washed up my spine replaced the earlier buzzing until every nerve ending in my body was straining toward her. Toward Bella. She moved gracefully to the podium and stood silently looking at her audience for a moment. My stupidity sort of hit me in that moment; the Cygnet Foundation, founded by I.M.S. Why hadn't I put those things together? Because I didn't expect her to be in Chicago, sure, but it would have registered if I’d paid attention at all. So Bella ran a women’s shelter in my hometown. There was no way that was a coincidence.

“Hello, ladies and gentlemen, my name is Isabella, and I am the founder of the Cygnet Foundation. First off, I would like to thank you for your generosity in donating to our foundation. We’re currently working toward a goal of expanding the living quarters for the women we help. I had no idea when I began this project that we would have such a need, but I find myself determined to provide the best space for them that I possibly can. The Masen family has generously donated their services through their company, Masen Homebuilders, to draw plans and estimate costs for the expansion. Let’s give them a round of applause for going above and beyond.”

There was polite applause as Bella looked at my parents and never diverted her gaze to me. I watched her take a deep breath, her shoulders straightening as she stood taller. Kate leaned toward me until her arm was pressed up against mine as she gave all of her attention to the woman I thought to never see again.

“I didn't expect this charity to take off quite the way it has, but I should have realized. You see, I know how it feels to be sexually assaulted by a man two or three times your size. I know what it feels like to be stuck in a situation not entirely of your own making, unsure how it devolved into what it is, and no clue how to escape. I understand the struggle to be your own person, to be validated as a human and not simply a vessel used for someone else’s rage or satisfaction. While I was fortunate enough to have a few people in my corner to turn to when it all became too much, these women have never had that. Some feel too embarrassed to turn to family members who told them all along that their relationship was toxic. It’s hard to hear that when you’re in the romance stage. It’s harder yet to accept that you were wrong, and they were right. Many abused women will stay in the toxic relationship instead of asking for help from those that would sooner say I told you so. Twenty-two million women in the United States have been raped in their lifetime. Sixty-four percent of women who reported being raped, physically assaulted, and/or stalked since age eighteen were victimized by a current or former husband, cohabiting partner, boyfriend, or date. Less than half of those occurring domestically are reported to the police. Rape victims often experience anxiety, guilt, nervousness, phobias, substance abuse, sleep disturbances, depression, alienation, sexual dysfunction, and aggression. They often distrust others and replay the assault in their minds, and they are at increased risk of future victimization. These statistics are hard to hear, and even harder to be the one included in these numbers, but there is something we can do about it. At the Cygnet Foundation, each woman can stay as long as she needs. We have counselors on staff able to help with both the women and the children. We have doctors and nurses that volunteer their time. We have strict security measures in place that prevent abusive partners from gaining entry should they find out someone they know is at our shelter. All visitors are verified against the list of names provided for us from the women before they are let past the second set of doors. Anyone on that list is not permitted entry. Anyone without proper identification is not permitted entry.” She paused and looked around the room. “Some of you, especially those at our VIP table, spend hours upon hours inside the facility and still haven’t met or even seen all of the women. The bedrooms have locks on them, so that until they are comfortable around strangers, they have somewhere to go where they feel protected. That’s what we strive for; all of the women to be recognized for their individual needs. They are unique, and we treat them as such. Since opening our doors sixty days ago, we have graduated three families. They are eligible to return at any time for counselling services or to visit those they made friends with during their stay. Please, consider writing a tax-deductible check or bidding on the silent auction items. What we’re doing here is important work, and you have the power to help these women and children shape their lives into what they wish them to be. Thank you.”

My head dropped as she moved, my place card blurring in front of me. Honored Guest Edward Masen, Jr. She had to have known I was volunteering at her charity. I signed in each time, handed over my license for photocopying the first time, and my name was on the guest list for tonight. Fuck, my dad’s name was all over the building plans she approved, and it’s my name, too. Why did she never think to confront me?

“I hope your evening has been enjoyable,” I hear in her sultry voice. My head snaps up and she’s at the other end of the table speaking to my mother. Felix and Titan are standing with her, looking less subtle than before. “These gentlemen are on the board of directors. Lucas, Felix, this is Mrs. Masen of Masen Homebuilders.” I suddenly understood why there was a place card for Lucas Dixon; that was Titan’s real name.

As my mother giggled like a schoolgirl while being introduced to those two, I made a mad dash for the men’s room. With my focus on making it to the doorway without vomiting, I failed to hear the loud clicking of heels rapidly following me until it was too late.

What the fuck kind of cop was I that a woman not trying to hide her presence just snuck up on me? Oh right, the kind that quit.

“Why are you running, Masen?”

Her words weren’t all that loud, but she was so close behind me that I felt her body heat. She followed me into the bathroom and checked both stalls for feet. When she was satisfied that they were empty she locked the door and leaned against it.

“I wasn't running. Maybe I just had to take a piss.”

I smirked at her while I scrutinized her. She looked the same: long brown hair curling past her shoulders, huge dark eyes darting back and forth like a frightened doe, and creamy thighs exposed by the high slits on either side of her dress. My pants tightened as if on impact.

“Okay, then, have at it.” She waved in the direction of the urinals.

“I can't go with you watching me.”

“Of course not.”

“Why are you here?” I couldn't keep up the charade and the words came tumbling out. “Why did you choose Chicago of all the cities in the world? Are you running the Family? Are Felix and Titan here to do your dirty work while you keep up this persona?”

Her expression changed from one of mild amusement to enragement. “You always assumed the worst about me, didn't you?”

“You never gave me a reason not to,” I countered loudly.

Her hands fidgeted and I wanted to take them in mine and soothe them until she was no longer nervous. Instead, I paced back and forth in the small space and ran my hands through my hair as I tried to work out what was going on. “Why didn't you show yourself when you found out I was volunteering there?”

“I didn't know what to say. I don't know at this moment what to say, so how was I supposed to figure it out six weeks ago?”

“Did you intentionally follow me to Chicago?”

“Yes.”

“Fuck.” I hadn't expected her to just admit it out loud like that.

“Since I discovered your real name I have known where you were born and raised. I knew when you sold your condo. I knew when you started your own business, and I realized you had chosen to relocate and not just find a new job in Seattle.”

I let out a short, humorless laugh. “So you’re stalking me.”

“No.” Bella glared at me as I met her gaze. “No, I’m not. I’m working up the nerve to approach you to start over. And it sucks being on this end of it, let me tell you. I told you once that I know how to hack computer systems, and that’s what I did. I held on to the information I gleaned about you and then had alerts set up for certain changes.”

“And none of those things made it clear I was trying to run far and fast in the opposite direction?” My voice was raised now, beyond frustrated and into matching rage.

“Yes, that’s why it’s been so hard to approach you. I didn't think you’d want me to walk right up to you while you were working with some of the women or playing with the children. That wouldn't have been appropriate.”

“Fine, but what stopped you from calling me when you saw my name on the reservations for tonight? What stopped you from walking up to me at any point in time before your speech—where I learned more about you than in the nine fucking months we lived together—and saying, hey, it’s been me all along running this charity you’ve devoted your life to.” I had to stop just to breathe. I was surprised at how angry I was, at Bella and at myself.

“I lost my nerve. I was already a basket case knowing what I was going to say in front of a room full of strangers. I’m terribly sorry I didn't have the fortitude to confront you on top of it all.” Her words trembled off her tongue at the end, and I felt it all come rushing back. Not simply lust, but more. I wasn't ready for those gentler emotions.

“And yet you told the room full of strangers a fact about yourself that you never bothered to share with me.” Yeah, okay. I shouldn't make her trauma about me, but was she ever going to tell me? If I hadn't stumbled upon her charity, which was apparently God’s own form of punishment, and I hadn't chosen to be at this event, when would she have told me?

“It’s not easy to talk about, Edward.”

“Ah, fuck, don't use my first name.” It stirred things up to hear it in her mouth, things like my dick.

“What the hell should I call you?”

“Masen.”

Bella shook her head. “You're all over the place.”

“Can you blame me?”

“No, I suppose not.” She pushed off the door, and I saw a stupid mental image of a line of men out in the hallway that had to pee.

“I don't know what to say or what to think. We aren't good for each other, that’s why you put as much distance between us as you could while we were nearing the end of your plans. That’s why I left the state at the end of my case, not just because I come here after every case to decompress, but to stay here even after my suspension was up.”

“You were suspended?” She stopped in front of me, basically as tall as me in her heels, and I got a whiff of her perfume. Like a sensory memory, I needed her the way I remembered her. Tough as shit, not afraid of anybody, least of all herself, and too dangerous for me.

“Yeah. Why, did you hope I’d been fired?” I ran the backs of my fingers down her throat, and her eyes closed.

“I wasn't sure.” She swallowed as my index finger traced her pulse. It thumped heavily under her skin.

“Mm.” I ran out of words. White hot flames licked up from the balls of my feet on a journey up to my crotch. My muscles were straining with the discipline I was using not to jump her in a men’s bathroom. My hand moved, seemingly without permission from my brain, and I traced the top of her sparkly dress. Her chest moved up and down rapidly as I avoided touching the skin above the fabric. Her eyes had slipped closed, and I studied the dark makeup that contrasted with her pale skin. Blue veins were visible around her eyelids, and I leaned in with the intent to kiss them, though God only knows why.

“Hey, you jacking off in there?” The shouting from the other side of the door was accompanied by a heavy pounding that caused Bella to jump back from me like a teenager caught by her parents.

“What if I am?” I called back, and Bella laughed lightly.

I knew that whatever spell was going on between us had been broken for the night. Reluctantly, I unlocked the door and opened it to a middle aged man with a gut hanging over his belt. Bella was standing quite close to me.

“Oh! Sorry, didn't realize you had company. Damn, I hope at least one of you finished.”

I groaned and pushed my way past him to return to the dining room. My sister and sister-in-law would be more likely to search for me than my parents, so I looked for them first. When I spotted them dancing closely together, I veered off toward the table instead. I didn't realize I had company until I sat down and Bella sat in Kate’s spot.

“I want to actually talk to you.”

“Not here,” I replied.

“No, not here. I don't know… I have a room here, for various reasons, but I don't want to ask you for anything that could be misconstrued.”

I chuckled. It sounded bitter. “Like angry sex?”

She blushed. “Right.”

“No, I don't think I’ll join you in your hotel room, Bella.” I searched until I spotted my parents talking to some people. Mom had her arm wrapped around Dad, her head tilted to lean on his bicep. His opposite hand was stroking up and down her bare arm. How had I missed these opportunities that my parents and sister had found? Bella was here with Titan and Felix, had been right under my nose and not said a word until she had no choice. She wanted nothing more than a quick fuck like old times, had even gotten a hotel room and asked me to join her. It pissed me off.

I turned to her. “Tell me, in your mind, what are we doing in that bed upstairs? Are we fucking nice and slow, or are you making me sweat for it? I can still picture your face when you come and the way you used to taste. Do you call out my name when you let other men fuck you?”

The stunned look on her face quickly morphed into malice. “You know, I only bought this dress in the hopes you would be taking it off of me. I guess it’s your loss.”

Bella took off, and I do mean took off. She didn't walk gracefully or move along to mingle with the guests. She hurried to the double doors that led to the rest of the hotel and disappeared.

Yeah, that went well.