FAÇADE Chapter 26

What if I said I was built on bricks of carelessness and crumbs

What if I said I would break your heart?

What if I said I have problems that made me mean?

Maybe you can see that I just may be too crazy to love

Maybe you can stop before you start

~Banks, You Should Know Where I’m Coming From

When five words out of Bella’s mouth fucked me up.

I’m not as much of an ass as I can sometimes portray, so I got up and followed her. The thought circling in my head was, what if she’d been sincere? I had a bad habit of jumping to conclusions where she was concerned, but Bella had a bad habit of not correcting me. I had to practically push my way past other attendees to make it out of the ballroom, hoping to find her caught by the elevators. I spotted her, and relief made itself known with a rush of cold from my scalp to my ankles. I’d acted like an idiot, but I was knocked off guard at seeing her when I’d least expected it.

“Bella!” I called her name at just above normal level, trying not to attract undue attention. She didn't turn, but her shoulders tensed.

“Change your mind?” Her face and voice were devoid of emotion, and that was how I knew I’d truly fucked up.

“No.” She did look up then, at me standing in front of her with my proverbial hat in hand. Her cheeks were wet. “I wanted to apologize for what I said back there, and ask if you would like to meet tomorrow or later this week?”

Bella didn't have any tells as far as I knew, but her jaw unclenched and I thought of it as a victory. “Tomorrow morning, here in the dining room.”

“Breakfast?” I asked.

She nodded and the elevator dinged. She waited for the handful of people on board to step off, then went inside while I watched her. She was angry, I was sure of it, but then again, I was pretty sure I had more to be angry about than she did.

I only walked away once the doors closed behind her, back to the ballroom to tell my family I was leaving. I spotted Katie and Maggie standing by the VIP table with purses in hand.

“Hey,” I said as I approached. “Are you leaving?”

“Yes. Have a good night.” Maggie kissed my cheek.

“You know some of these people, don't you?” Katie asked instead of answering me, and I knew she didn't mean the other volunteers.

“Yes.” I wasn't interested in elaborating at that point, especially since I saw Felix coming up on my left. “Goodnight, ladies. You looked great, and I love you.”

Maggie practically had to drag Katie away because she clearly wanted to say more. Felix waited until they were completely out of the room before he rested his hands on the chairback nearest to me.

“Do you know what is stopping me from taking you into a back room and beating you senseless?” I didn't look at him, but at the podium where Bella bared her soul to a room full of strangers to raise funds for an important charity.

“Witnesses?”

“That, and the fact that I’ve promised Bella there will be no more violence in her life.”

“Good for the both of you.” I was done with being threatened by Bella’s pseudo-lover, so I turned to go.

“She loves you, you giant dumbfuck.”

I froze.

“She threw up on her dress when the reality of seeing and speaking to you hit her. I got a room for her to change and freshen up in, and she almost couldn't come down here. She doesn't like public speaking, but she likes it even less when it’s personal, and knowing you and your family were here made it harder on her. I don't know what the two of you talked about in the bathroom, but you should listen to what she’s trying to say. She deserves that much.”

I moved then, my feet carrying me across the floor without much thought. Wove through the tables and the people, waved at my parents so they knew I was leaving, and kept moving. I had to wait at the valet station, and the air suddenly felt too chilled. It was ridiculous, because it was probably in the fifties, but I was freezing. I was more than happy when the valet returned with my car; I was freaking ecstatic.

I drove down the Magnificent Mile with the lights from the buildings blurring in my vision. There was no way that Felix was right. Bella had never loved me, never even gave the slightest hint that she had real feelings for me. I didn't know what her current game was, but I wanted nothing to do with it. I was in a good place, I was happy and busy and doing good things. One word from her could fuck all of that up. Fuck what she deserved, what did I deserve?

I regretted leaving the hotel to a degree. Even after all this time, my body craved hers. I wondered what harm there would have been if I’d gone up to her room and let things go the way I assumed she’d meant. We’d always fucked like animals, the only time we got along and agreed on a concurrent path. It had been three solid months since I’d last seen her, longer than that since we’d last fucked. My cock was hard, probably angry at me for depriving him of his pleasure, and begging me to go back. My erection only got more painful, refusing to let up as I tried desperately to focus on something else. As soon as I made it into the house, I began picturing the two of us rolling around a huge white bed and things got out of control. I had to take a shower, stroking myself to images of her naked and spread out like the only time I’d gotten the chance to taste her pussy. The memory of the way she screamed when I bit down on her clit had me coming in hot spurts that coated my hand. I had to breathe deeply and support myself on the wall until I regained my bearings. Part of me knew it was right to have gone home, and other parts wished I’d stayed and followed through.

There was no pretending to sleep. I stayed awake, a drink in my hand and my gaze plastered to the window. The trees in my parents’ yard blew in the breeze, and I stared at them until my eyes closed on their own and I dozed in the chair.

I’d made a promise of sorts to listen to what she had to say, so I got dressed for a breakfast date and left the house without speaking to my parents. The drive back to the hotel was filled with visions of Bella in her dress from the night before; it was a wonder I didn't get in a wreck. She couldn't have actually bought it with me in mind if she’d thrown up on the original dress like Felix claimed. That meant I’d shit on her attempts to ‘start over’ as she’d said in the bathroom, or whatever she’d intended. Just once, I wanted my head and my heart and my dick to be on the same page. One wanted me to never speak to Bella again, one wanted me to ravish her on the table at breakfast, and one wanted me to kidnap her and research sunny non-extradition countries.

My gut was a mess by the time I stepped off the elevator and into the lobby of the grand hotel. The bees were back from the night before, pissed as hell and stinging me. My throat was dry as I looked around at the luxurious marble and chandeliers on the off chance she was waiting for me out there. The furniture looked stiff and uncomfortable, and unoccupied. My hair was brutalized, having been pulled and mussed all night and this morning. My eyes were blurry from alcohol and lack of sleep. Overall, I was a winner that fine morning.

I approached the host’s stand at the entrance of the dining room. Most of the tables were set extravagantly for breakfast service, the bucket chairs a pale gold and empty. There were maybe four diners, and I spotted Titan, or Lucas, coming toward me at the same time as the hostess.

“How may I help you this morning, sir?” she chirped. At least it sounded like a high pitched bird in my overwrought mind.

“He’s with us,” Lucas said politely, stopping a few feet away with his hands behind his back.

I smiled brightly at the hostess, hoping she would memorize my face in case this was the last time I was ever seen alive. “Yes, I’m with Lucas Dixon and Isabella Swan.” She frowned at me as I put emphasize on their names. “I’ll just, I’m gonna sit. With them. Amber,” I read from her name tag. I wanted to make an impression on her so that when my head was found in one duffle bag and my body another, she would remember who I’d last been with.

Fuck, I had to pull myself together.

I moved away from the nice lady that surely was looking for the nearest phone book to find me a looney bin, and followed Lucas to a table near the back. Not that surprisingly, Felix was sitting with Bella.

“Great. So now that the party of four is all together, what the fuck are we doing?”

“You are shutting up and listening, Masen,” Felix said as he stood. I refused to look up to the clouds his face hovered in, the fucking giant.

“Sure thing, Lurch.”

He glared at me before moving a few tables down with Lucas. I watched them as they sat and picked up menus.

“Sit down, Edward, please.”

Fuck, I hated the sound of my name in her mouth. I mean, I fucking loved it, but that was why I hated it. Her voice was like honeyed peaches, sweet and smoky, but smooth. I remembered everything about our time together as I sat and tried not to meet her gaze. I chose the chair across from her so that neither of us could touch the other.

“Good morning,” she said quietly.

“Oh, now we’re acting the part of polite strangers? Okay, as long as I know my role, I can play along.” I turned over the empty coffee cup at my elbow. I might as well ask for a carafe, I was gonna need it.

“I just want to talk to you, Edward. I meant what I said last night, about starting over. I want to tell you everything so that you’ll maybe understand why I am the way I am.”

I stared at her then, which was maybe a mistake because she looked fucking edible. Her cheeks were a little flushed, her hair down. She was wearing a fitted shirt that could be described as purple with most of the pigment leached out. Her skirt was tight, long, and black leather. She sat back in her chair, pushed out from the table a little and looking like she still owned the world.

The waiter came over and offered me coffee, and I gladly accepted. He set down a menu and walked off, and I ignored that in favor of burning my tongue on scalding coffee.

“So your goons are here to make sure I listen?”

“No. They’re my friends, and they insisted on being here in case I had any issues similar to last night.” She held my gaze directly, so it appeared to be the truth, at least as she knew it.

“Speaking of which. Felix stopped me before I left and told me about your… accident.”

Her mouth tugged up at the corners, but it was a rueful smile. “I had two dresses, because I was worried about one ripping if I stepped on the hem or a zipper sticking. The first one was purple.”

Ah, yes, the color for recognizing domestic violence. “So, if you didn't get the hotel room with the sole purpose of inviting me up, why in God’s name did you make the offer?”

The waiter came back around, so I sat back against my own seat as he refilled our coffee cups. “We’re going to need a bit before we’re ready to order,” I told him, and he moved away.

“I thought, perhaps foolishly, that we had built something while we were living together. A friendship, if nothing else. So my offer might have sounded rash, but it was well-intentioned.”

“Then I apologize for making assumptions and hurting your feelings.”

I saw how her defenses dropped in the way her whole face softened. Her jaw relaxed, she blinked several times, and she uncrossed her arms.

“I want to tell you a story,” she said, picking up her mug and taking a sip.

“Go ahead.”

“Charlie Swan and Carlisle Cullen were friends since high school. They were inseparable, and always had each other’s back. My Grandfather Swan ran the Family back then, and Carlisle’s father was the consigliere. Charlie was set up in an arranged marriage with Renée Higginbotham, a girl he knew from school, and he made sure to spend plenty of time with her. He didn't think it was right to marry her without courting her, romancing her, and ensuring she loved him by the time the vows were to be said. Carlisle was arranged with Gianna Asborno, but guess who he was in love with?”

I assumed it was a rhetorical question, so I drank more coffee instead of answering.

“By the time Charlie and Renée married, there were all kinds of sordid rumors. There was speculation that they engaged in threesomes, or that Carlisle and Renée were cuckolding Charlie. It only got worse when I was born. Plenty of people who had no business asking wanted to know if I was Charlie’s or Carlisle’s.”

My eyebrows went up. It would certainly explain her crazy love for that man.

“As I grew older, it was pretty damn obvious I was Charlie’s daughter. I look like him.” She shrugged her shoulders. “The Cullen boys hit an age where their heritage was important to them. It was drilled into them by their mother that being a Cullen was very important, and that they commanded respect wherever they went. I never did like her.”

“And their paternity?”

Bella laughed lightly. “When his father died of a stroke, Carlisle became obsessed with his health and had a very thorough check-up. Gianna was crowing about their first baby, their heir to the empire, and he was coming home to tell her he was unable to have children. He had her followed after that, discovered Gianna’s lover—Jasper’s father—and the man allegedly disappeared.”

“Allegedly.”

“He never told her he knew, thinking that her lover’s rather gory death would be enough to deter her cheating, but, well. As we both know, Emmett existed, so it didn't work.”

“And did Carlisle kill Gianna as Jasper and Carmen accused him?”

She smiled serenely. “That’s the official charge, yes.”

“That’s the vaguest answer you’ve ever given me.”

“Then those boys began to torture me,” she continued as if I hadn't spoken. “I was the heir to something bigger and better than what awaited them. They made sure to put me down as often as possible. Daddy told his oldest friend that he had better do something about his boys or he would take care of it himself. That set them straight for a short while, but when my mother died in a car accident, they ramped up their torture. I was thirteen, and my father was in agony.”

“He was distracted,” I murmured. A little voice in the back of my mind wondered if Renée’s accident had really been just that.

“Mm. They started pulling my hair, snapping my bra, cornering me and trying to kiss me or cop a feel. I left a massive handprint on Emmett’s face once, and he just slapped me back. I had a black eye for over a week, but I told Daddy I’d walked into a door. He had enough to deal with.”

“Why didn't you tell Carlisle?” It seemed like the obvious answer to me.

She sighed. “I did, and he reprimanded them, but he was grieving Mom, too.”

“Shit.” He was grieving another man’s wife and letting his stepsons get away with sexual harassment.

“I decided to toughen the hell up right around the time I hit fifteen. I’d had enough of their taunting and harassment. I insisted that Daddy show me the business, and I taught myself how to hack. He and I became inseparable, and Carlisle sent his assholes to boarding school. Unfortunately, they spent that time bitter and looking for revenge. You know the story of them killing my father.”

“I do.”

The waiter popped up again, so I sighed and ordered something. Bella got a plate of toast, and I begged for more coffee. We spent a few minutes fooling with our cups as he refilled and left again.

“What I didn't tell you was that after I began working at the club—” She stopped abruptly, fingering the rim of her cup and blinking back tears. “Emmett owed a lot of money to some guys he’d tried to snow. They wanted their cash or they wanted their pound of flesh.”

“And it was your flesh instead of his,” I finished quietly.

Bella nodded, picking up her napkin and dabbing at her eyes. “I made the decision not to tell Carlisle. He was playing the role of the boss, but he really was my advisor, nothing else. He didn't make any decisions without running them by me first. He was having an increasingly hard time keeping a check on those pigs, pretending to be the boss, and grieving his friend. He tried more than once to figure out what was wrong with me. I was withdrawn, losing weight, and ready to kill anybody that looked at me sideways.”

“The surveillance photos.”

“Yeah, that must be the time those were taken.”

“I’m sorry, Bella.”

“You didn't know, and it was before you arrived. I made the choice to carry a knife after the fifth man, because he wanted things that made my skin crawl. I had been unsuccessful in fighting off the others, but I nearly beat the shit out of that one. I made it out the door and threw a chair at him as he tried to follow me. That pissed Emmett off so much, you have no idea. That was when I finally told Carlisle, and he, uh, he made sure the guy would never touch another girl again. That was also the time that Felix became the bouncer and not merely Carlisle’s protection.”

“So you plotted to take out the boys then?”

“Pretty much. Carlisle and I had no one but each other at that point. We knew there was no way those two would go down without a fight, and I was worried they’d worm their way out of a prison sentence if I only turned over my own statement as evidence.”

Our orders arrived, and I stared at my scrambled eggs and bacon. I really had no desire to eat.

“My biggest flaw is that I think I can handle everything that comes my way when sometimes I can’t. Or my plan for handling shit has holes. It’s a combination of trying to be my father’s daughter, trying to run the business under cover, and yeah, being raped repeatedly.” Her voice faltered.

“I see what you’re saying. You’ve had to toughen up. You’ve felt like you had no choice but to kill or be killed.”

“I thought that all I wanted was to run the Family, to show that I could. To prove that a woman was capable of more than stripping.” Bella picked up a wedge of toast and fiddled with the corner. “But when I had that, I realized that all I wanted was you.”

Her voice had dropped so low I was positive I’d misunderstood. “What?”

She dropped the bread and looked right into my eyes. “I don’t want to be a criminal, and I don’t want to run the Family. I want you. I want… to be yours.”

I knew her being here would change everything. Turns out I was right. The five words that just came out of her mouth fucked me up.