FAÇADE Chapter 28

I can hear her heart beat for a thousand miles

And the heavens open every time she smiles

And when I come to her that's where I belong

Yet I'm running to her like a river's song

She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love

~ Van Morrison, Crazy Love

When I dated Bella Swan.

Sweat trickled down the sides of my face as I pounded into her, gripping her hips roughly to pull her body down to meet mine.

“Oh God, Edward, yes!”

“I’m gonna—Jesus, I’m coming.”

Okay, I know what you’re thinking. We were going to date and learn about each other for real this time. And we did. No, really. We did.

After our discussion at the hotel, Bella checked out and went home. I went back to my parents’ house and spent way too much time over-analyzing every little thing Bella had said. Ever. It wasn't intentional, but it’s just how I’m made. I brood. I worry. I thought about not just her past and how that shaped a young woman that wanted her father’s love and approval, only to lose it, leaving the hardened woman I first met. She was cold and calculated because she thought she had to be. It was her way of life, and it had only gotten worse for her after her father died. She’d been molded into a ruthless killer and then chastised for being exactly that. She became driven by revenge. Revenge at any cost, no matter who it affected, would be dished out to those who took her father from her. The part that I worried over was the now. The Bella that sold off all of the assets her father had acquired over the years. The Bella that claimed she was nothing more than a stripper and wanted everyone to leave the life of crime they’d been brought up in. The Bella that obviously missed Carlisle, despite the things he’d done or ordered others to do. That Bella was going to crash, and crash hard. When she finally took a step back and analyzed all that she had done to avenge her father, all that she endured during that time, I knew she was going to fold in on herself. I would be there to pick up the pieces and put her back together again.

I knew that she was sincere in her efforts in putting her criminal past behind her, mostly because of the charity she was running. She wasn't off on a lark, she was changing her entire life and outlook. She was done with violence, as Felix had told me. She didn't want it in her life anymore, and I respected that. She’d gone out of her way to seclude herself with a battered woman because that woman was scared. Bella knew a little about that, but she'd never been in that exact situation. Instead, she loaned her strength to those women until they had enough of their own to move on with their lives.

I went to work on Monday and tried to put it all out of my head. Easier said than done, but I tried. Bella texted me and told me to have a nice day. It was a small touch, but I found I enjoyed it. We spent a good part of our day texting in between our obligations. Tuesday went much the same, and then Wednesday was my day at the shelter. I saw Lucas and Felix for the first time. Lucas, with his intimidating size, was manning the front desk, and Felix was in the offices with Bella, who looked amazing to me. She was in a casual shirt and pants, glasses perched on her face and papers in her hand. They were talking quietly over whatever it was as I passed by the glass wall of the office, and they didn't look up. It was fine by me, because I didn't know what I would say to her anyway.

I went to the playroom first. It was my favorite place to be, and I enjoyed the children. Most of them arrived hesitant, even scared of the newness of their surroundings, and the uncertainties of their future. Scared from the violence and abuse that they’d most likely witnessed happen to their mothers until they were eager to make friends and interact with someone. They needed affection and attention, and I loved to provide it to them. There was often a children’s counselor in the room helping them through play, and I found it somewhat fascinating. Every once in a while it was actually my own sister in there.

Today there were a few children playing with blocks, so I got on the floor with them and started stacking the blocks high. I didn't recognize any of the kids today so they were either new, or just recently brave enough to come out of their rooms. The first to speak to me was a little boy about four years old with dark hair and eyes. The woman who must have been his mother sat in a chair near the door with a book in her hands. She’d watched me warily from the minute I’d walked in.

“Hi, I’m Edward,” I said to the boy. “Do you want to play?”

“Blocks,” he responded as he held up a bright red one.

“Yes, a red block. Where do you want to put it?”

We stacked them into a tower for a few quiet minutes until he decided it was tall enough to knock down with a karate chop. When they crashed to the floor his mother jumped up and dropped her book, but I clapped enthusiastically.

“Good job! Wanna do it again?”

“Yes, again!”

For a long time we played, and his mother settled back down. More kids came over to help us build and chattered about this and that. The little boy told me his name was Seth and that his favorite thing in the world was Spiderman. He told me he liked it there and that everyone was nice to them. Then he said his daddy had not been nice.

“I’m sorry, buddy, that happens sometimes.”

“Yeah.” He handed me the last block to put on the top. “But you nice.”

“Thank you.” I smiled at him and had the urge to reach over and ruffle his hair, but I refrained. Physical contact was never a good idea unless initiated by the other person.

When Seth knocked them down for about the tenth time, I saw someone come in the room out of the corner of my eye. I looked up and found Bella smiling down at us.

A few kids ran over to greet her, calling her Miss Bella. She said hello and responded with hugs to the kids that held their arms out. Seth remained by my side.

Bella came over to us. “Seth, are you having fun playing with Edward?”

He nodded and showed her the blocks. “We make a tower and I knock it down!”

“How fun.” She squatted and looked at the block he was holding out. “Where does the blue block go?”

Seth went back to building his tower and Bella looked at me. “Can I see you for a minute?”

I looked over at the little boy. “Seth, I’ll be right back. Keep building that tower as high as you can.”

I followed Bella, pausing as she stopped to ask Seth’s mother how she was feeling. They chatted for a second and I looked at the colorful finger paintings on the wall.

Soon we were both out in the hallway, me looking at her expectantly, and her shifting nervously on her feet. At that moment, I could actually see how vulnerable she felt. She was out of her element, but striving to become a better person. “Um, so we said we’d take some time and get to know each other, so I guess I’m asking you on a date.”

I grinned at her. “What did you have in mind?”

“Um.” She laughed. “I've never really been on a date. Dinner?”

“Yes, that would be fine. Can I pick you up? I haven't seen your place.”

“Yes, okay. Sure.” We discussed details like when, and where she lived, and then I went back to building blocks with Seth.

At the end of the day I stopped by the office where I’d seen Felix and Bella, but only Felix remained.

“Hey, have you seen Bella?” I asked.

He looked up at me. “I think she went to her office. Do you know where that is?” he continued at my blank expression.

“No, I’ve never been there.”

“I’ll show you.”

He took me to the elevator and to the bottom floor, down a hallway and to the last door on the right. He knocked and opened the door at her response, then walked off. I looked into the office she was using and saw that it was tiny and cramped with no windows.

“Why are you down here in the basement when there are plenty of light-filled offices on the main floor?”

“At first I didn't want anyone to think I was showing off, and then when I found out about you, I was hiding. Now it just seems like too much to move offices. I have so much crap down here now.”

I looked around at the files, the books on Illinois law, the shelves and file cabinets. There was nothing personal in that room. “You have two oversized children on your payroll that would love to help you out, I guarantee it.”

“You make a good point.” She bit her lip and stared at me for a few seconds too long.

“Anyway, I wanted to say goodbye.”

“Bye,” she said softly, pushing her heavy hair out of her face.

Fuck me, I wanted to throw her on the desk and have at her. I cleared my throat. “Yeah, bye.”

I almost ran out of there.

Work was boring the rest of the week, and all I could think about was the date with Bella. On Saturday night I went to the address she’d given me, pleased to see it was a modest townhome. She opened the door looking fabulous in a fitted sweater and a long skirt with tall boots. I offered her the bouquet of flowers I’d brought.

“You look great.”

“Thank you,” she said softly, smiling down at the lilies.

“You're welcome.”

“Um, I’ll just…” she stopped speaking and stared at me. I swallowed thickly, watching her as she looked me over from head to toe. I was in a button down with the sleeves rolled up, dark wash jeans, and my leather jacket. “Come in. I’ll only be a second.”

I stood in the foyer and closed the door behind me. Her place smelled like her. A hint of her perfume, lingering coffee, furniture polish. She came back very quickly with a purse in her hands.

“Ready?”

“Yep.”

I looked at her and didn't move, even though I was blocking the door. “I'm just going to…”

I moved in, cupped her neck with my hand, and pressed my mouth to hers. Her quick intake of breath was cut off by my lips touching hers, caressing and sucking. I pulled her top lip into my mouth briefly before letting it go and kissing her chastley before backing up until I bumped into the door.  

“Ready?” I repeated.

She nodded, her cheeks red and her hand on her mouth.

Dinner was nice. We talked about everything we had going on. We talked about my family, my sister and sister-in-law, my niece, and the fact that my sister was pregnant with the boy they'd wanted. I told her what my parents’ company was up to, and she told me about the expansion that they’d raised the money for. The current playroom was kind of small, but after the renovations it would be enormous. The lawn on the side of the building was going to be planted into a serenity garden, with a wall of course, and an outdoor playground was planned for the other side of the building. The back was where the expansion was going, since it had the most amount of space.

“That means the parking lot will shrink, but it’s never full anyway. Only a few of the ladies come with cars, which is another area where I need to find donations. Graduating women often have no transportation, and I feel like that’s something I can change. I bought a car for Donna when she left, and she was so darn happy to not have to rely on anybody. It's a simple thing, you know? They often end up changing jobs so they’re harder to find, the ones whose significant others aren't in jail at least, and they need to be able to get back and forth.”

I watched her as she spoke of these women, and I saw the affection she had for them as it lit up her eyes. I was falling deeper and deeper in love with her.

“Bella.”

She looked up at me, her fork paused as she cut into her cheesecake. “Yes?”

“I love you.”

She reached across the table and picked up my hand. “I love you, too,” she practically whispered.

It was enough.

The rest of the weekend was boring after I left her at her door with a kiss on the cheek. Sunday I spent with my family, and Kate had twenty questions times one hundred. I answered them to the best of my ability without divulging any of Bella's criminal past. I let her know that this was the subject I’d fallen in love with, and that she was changing her life in order to be with me.

“Be careful, Edward, that’s all I’m going to say. And I’d love to meet her.”

I thanked her and thought about asking Bella to meet my family. I focused on work Monday and Tuesday by sheer force of will, texting and calling Bella at different times of the day. We had moved on to twenty questions where we asked each other the inane things meant to get to know each other’s favorites.

On Wednesday, I went straight to her office to ask if she wanted to meet my family. She was nervous, I could tell, but she agreed to meet them whenever it was easiest and most convenient for them.

And then I jumped her.

I didn't plan it, but as soon as I saw her with her glasses on her head and her hand on the door, I was hard for her. That she would so willingly agree to meet my family just sent a surge of love and admiration through me.

I walked in that cramped office, backing her up with my body, and closed the door behind me. When I turned the lock and it clicked, her eyes widened.

“Edward.”

I couldn't tell which emotion she was portraying in that one word—my name—but I knew she’d stop me if she wasn’t willing.

“Bella,” I said in return. “I’m going to fuck you. Right there on that desk.”

“We-we’re supposed to be dating.”

“We did. We are. I’m still going to fuck you.”

“Oh God,” she moaned as I slid my arms around her waist and bent to kiss her. Not slow, not languid, not testing. Fierce and fast.

I didn't feel the need to undress her, I just pulled her skirt up and plunged my hand into her panties. I found her hot and wet, exactly as I’d expected.

“Fuck, fuck!” she yelled in my ear as I brought her up and over.

We backed up together until she came to the edge of her desk. Everything on it was pushed aside—coffee thermos, papers, stapler, phone. It all landed on the floor with various sounds as she unfastened my pants and fished for the hole in my underwear. When she had me in her hand, when my cock was weeping for joy at the feel of her fingers wrapped around me, I pushed her onto her back on her desk and ran my tongue along her panties with a loud groan. I shoved them off to the side and licked again as she panted and writhed.

I stood and plunged into her swiftly, her long legs going up to wrap around my waist and her skirt bunched between us. It wasn't how I’d imagined our reunion, but I didn't care. It was satisfying, it was hot, it was agony to hold back and not spurt everywhere after so long without her. Sweat trickled down the sides of my face as I pounded into her, gripping her hips roughly to pull her body down to meet mine.

“Oh God, Edward, yes!”

“I’m gonna—Jesus, I’m coming.”

She clasped my cock like a tight fist as she came again, her back arching off the wooden desk and her mouth open in a silent cry. I held her pressed against me, never wanting to let her go.

“Thank God,” she mumbled.

I helped her sit up. Her blouse was wrinkled and her hair was everywhere. Her glasses were behind her on the desk, unscathed. “Thank God for what?”

“I was worried that if I waited for you to make the first move that so much time would pass I’d become a virgin again.”

I laughed so hard I nearly cried.

We dated first, but it wasn't us. We would continue to date, but I wasn't holding back from her anymore. We would do things to make sure we were happy, not the way we thought we had to do them.