4 Calling Birds
"Why do you do this to me?" I groaned. "Why do I let you?"
"I can't live without you, Bella," was his standard response.
"You do. Every day, you go about your life like we never mattered. Like I never mattered."
We'd done this dance over and over, circling the truth and hurting ourselves in the process. We were bad for each other, but it didn't stop us.
"I can't." I shook my head, but he couldn't see me.
"Yes, you can. Come over, Bella," he crooned over the phone.
"No, Edward." I knew it was futile. He knew it too.
"I'll see you soon." There was silence as he hung up, but the lack of noise didn't clear my confused head.
I went. Of course I went. I didn't know how to help myself, and I never could deny him anything.
He pounced as soon as the door opened, dragging me inside and shoving me against the closed door. My hands were held above my head as he kissed me, pouring his desire into me only for it to overflow back onto him. He gripped my hips tightly, pulling my lower half flush against his until I could feel his erection grinding into me.
We frantically stripped off our clothes, tossing items to the floor and over our heads. When we were pressed skin to skin, I moaned at the contact that felt like being home. I was miserable without him, lonely and sleepless, restless and bitchy.
But here, like this, I felt complete. I clutched at his back as he kissed my neck, laughed breathlessly as he picked me up and carried me to his bed. He covered me, filled me, and I was complete.
"God damn, you're perfect, Bella."
Useless words, since he would let me go again in the morning.
He'd always been good with his cock, and this time was no different. His strong, sure strokes proved that he lusted after me, nothing else. Still, I was helpless against the feelings of pleasure and surrender he elicited as he pumped in and out of me. His muscles flexed in his ass when I grabbed on, forcing him to move faster. I needed fast, hard, and dirty.
It didn't take long for my climax to overtake me, his name expelling from my lips on a hiss. His came shortly after, and he collapsed his weight on me briefly.
"Get off me," I grumbled, pissed that I'd succumbed yet again.
He merely laughed and rolled off me, the smug bastard. I started to stand, but he grabbed my wrist.
"You'll stay?" he asked, and I despised the vulnerability I heard, because it made me weak.
I nodded, and when he let go I went into his bathroom. My reflection looked freshly fucked, but my eyes were haunted. I didn't know why I kept running back, why I couldn't move on and date like a normal girl.
When I stepped back out and saw his angel's face with closed eyes, I knew the reason why. I was desperately in love with him, and no one else could compare to that feeling.
I sank down on the bed, pulling his quilt up to my chin and burrowing into his scent. I hated myself all over again as I snuggled into his embrace when he wrapped his long arms around me.
His next words brought me up short. "I broke up with her."
My breath caught in my throat. "You- you did?" I was at the point where I was terrified to hope.
He cleared his throat. "I don't love her. I couldn't be with her, couldn't picture this moment with her."
I looked up to face him. "Are you telling me you never slept with her?"
Edward looked at me apprehensively. "That's what I'm saying."
My heart soared, but I was pissed that he'd put me through that, put us through that. "Why, then? Why was she so fucking important that you broke up with me? Why did you call me here all the time, knowing you weren't giving her a chance?"
"Because I'm an idiot. I thought I needed her, I thought I had to have her. But it's you, Bella. I have to have you. I need you."
My body trembled. "I hate you for that." His eyes widened, but we had the same basic argument each time we were together, where I never failed to tell him how much I hated him.
"Bella-"
"But I love you, and I need you. That's why I kept coming back, despite you being with her." I took a deep lungful of air. "But if you ever do that again, I'm done. I can't go through that again, seeing the way you watched her. Like she was the only person in the world."
"You are that to me, you are the only person in the world. I see it so clearly now, Bella. I'm sorry, truly."
I could only nod against his throat, knowing this love would eventually consume me.
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