I seemed to have loved you in numberless forms,
numberless times. . .
In life after life, in age after age, forever.
My spellbound heart has made and remade the
necklace of songs,
That you take as a gift, wear round your neck
In your many forms,
In life after life, in age after age, forever.
Today it is heaped at your feet, it has found its
end in you
The love of all man's days both past and
forever:
Universal joy, universal sorrow, universal life.
The memories of all loves merging with this one
love of ours-
And the songs of every poet, past and forever.
December 2008
As Christmas approached, I thought long and hard about what I wanted with Bella. I'd realized on Thanksgiving Day that I was ready for the type of relationship my parents had; the romantic dance in the middle of the kitchen with no music was the perfect snapshot of their marriage. Hell, I'd even seen some of that during our visit with Charlie and Renee. I wanted long-term love and happiness, if I could have that with Bella.
Two weeks before Christmas, I made a call before heading down to the lobby, taking in all the marble as I passed through the front doors and carefully crossed the street to the parking garage. My Volvo XC60 was my baby, but I wasn't driving it today. I retrieved my wallet from the console and headed out into the sunshine. It was brisk, so I turned up the collar on my coat as I walked a couple blocks up and over. My destination was a specialized jewelry store that dealt in antiques.
I spent a long moment looking at the displays in the windows before going inside. There was every style you could want, from Victorian to Art Deco. Finally the cold got to me, so I gave up window shopping as I waited for my accomplice. Wandering around the warm store, I told the salesgirl I wanted to wait until the owner, Alexandria, was available. It was her vast knowledge of antique jewelry that I wanted, as well as a second opinion.
The door opened behind me and let in a cold blast of air. I turned and smiled at one of my oldest friends and then chuckled quietly as the few men near the front of the store did more than double takes as Rose took her winter hat off and shook out her golden hair. She stalked in my direction as she caught sight of me, and the stares turned into glaring daggers as the men assumed she and I were an item. The salesgirl returned, asking if my fiancée and I were looking for that perfect ring. I didn't like her chirpiness or her assumptions.
Rose smirked and removed her gloves, flashing her impressive wedding set at a gaping clerk. "Nope, already have my own rings, thanks."
I reminded the girl I was waiting for Alex so she would leave us alone again. "I want something for her Christmas present, as well as an antique ring to propose."
"Well, you don't want anything too flashy or gaudy." She flipped her hair with her left hand. "Leave that style to me," she grinned.
I laughed at her, but she was right. Bella would want understated, not gaudy. My goal was to find the perfect fit for Bella's personality, since I was hoping she'd be wearing it for the rest of her life. It didn't take much looking before I found a locket in gold with what looked similar to an infinity symbol engraved on the front and back. Alex told me it was from 1901, and I decided it was perfect for Bella's first Christmas present from me. I could picture placing it around her slender neck and placing a kiss as I clasped it. Cheesy, but it was what I would do regardless.
After almost two hours of deliberation, and much convincing from Rose, I agreed to steer away from the two carat sapphire and diamond ring and settled instead on an Edwardian-era bezel cut diamond with a pave diamond shank. Alex pointed out the European style of the setting, and Rose liked that it was understated from a distance, but stunning with the diamonds encrusted around the band. I pictured getting down on one knee if front of Bella, asking her to allow me the pleasure of being her husband. As soon as I envisioned it on her hand, I realized that it was absolutely perfect. Rose asked for the locket to be gift wrapped, and I shot her a grateful look. I would probably have been trying to tape newspaper around the box at the last minute, but this would go much more smoothly and romantic with the shiny silver paper they showed me. The ring I tucked down in the small jewelry bag, then inside the box they provided me with. I couldn't decide where to hide such a precious piece, but I knew I would figure something out.
"I know I gave her shit, but I have to admit that she makes you happier than I've ever seen you." I raised my brows, because this was a huge concession from Rosalie.
I studied her face for a moment. "Then maybe you should apologize the next time you see her," I said pointedly.
She huffed a breath and narrowly avoided rolling her eyes at me, something that was beneath sophisticated Rosalie Hale McCarty. "Yeah, ok." She clapped me on the back the way her husband did, which reminded me.
"What's Shrek doing this morning?" I smiled.
"Watching Sports Central, of course. He told me he'd be waiting for me with nothing on but the guacamole bowl. I was supposed to hurry." She laughed deviously. "I hope he froze his avocados sitting there naked."
"TMI, Rose, Jesus on Melba toast that's TMI." I rubbed my face roughly, then ran my hands through my hair. "Thank you for your help today. It was invaluable. Now go home to Emmett, and please never share the details of what happens next."
Rose just smiled and kissed me on the cheek. "Alright, I'll see you at Alice's party then." She swept out the door, pulling her hat on as she went and earning more stares. I just shook my head and made my own way home.
~~~oOo~~~
I was picking Bella up for Alice's annual Christmas party, and realized I had missed her like crazy in the past few days. She typically spent the week nights at her own place, but I kept thinking how much I would like to change that. I hadn't spent any time with her since the long Thanksgiving weekend; between my need to complete end-of-the-year work and her needing to get students settled for the new semester, we were both busy. Tonight was going to be good for all of us.
When Bella opened the door to her apartment and I saw her standing there looking absolutely gorgeous, I felt a sudden rush of emotion that choked me up. Tears sprang to my eyes as I stared at her. She was really mine.
"Edward?" Bella asked in concern, stepping closer to me and holding her hand out.
"I-I-I can't-" The words wouldn't form, and I couldn't catch my breath. I wheezed for a second, running my hand down my face, then reaching back up to run it through my hair.
Her hand dropped heavily to her side. "Can't what, Edward?" she whispered.
The look in her soulful chestnut eyes was too much to bear. I needed to spit it out before I hurt her. I reached for her, pulling her tightly into my arms. "God, I'm sorry. I don't mean to scare you." I took a deep breath, then did it again. "It's just that sometimes. . .sometimes I think I am the luckiest bastard in the world." I pulled back to meet her gaze, now as warm as melted chocolate. "I saw you standing there, and I thought to myself. . . it was an accident that I saw you on the pier that day, just fate really, and now here we are. And you love me without ever judging me and-" I broke off when she mashed her lips to mine.
"Shut up and kiss me, Cullen," she said against my lips. I laughed, and quickly did as ordered. I pushed at her until we were inside her place, and I kicked at the door with my foot, never stopping my lips and tongue from tasting her. She was minty like she'd recently brushed her teeth, and the sweet taste that was all Bella. I tried to keep my hands out of her curled hair to not mess it up, so instead I gripped her hips to hold her tightly to me. She grasped the lapels of my black coat, fisting them as she gasped for air against my mouth. I pulled back enough to allow her some air, but brushed several more kisses to her soft lips.
"I love you, Bella. You look stunning." Her laughter pealed.
"You could have just said that when I opened the door instead of scaring me to death." She ran her hand over my cheek. "I thought, with what you said, that you had changed your mind." Now she looked down at my chest.
"Never, love." I tilted her face back up by placing a finger under her chin. "I apologize for scaring you. You took my breath away, quite literally." I took her hand and spun her away from me so I could look at her dress. It was a deep shade of green, short and swinging around her thighs. The whole thing was covered in lace, and at the top just the lace covered from her breasts to her throat.
"Alice," she said by way of explanation. "Um, let me fix my lipstick and we can go," she said as she bit that lip. I let go of her, and she came back moments later with a little silver bag, smelling like sex and sin.
"Jesus, Bella, I'd like to make it to the party without ripping your dress off you. What is that amazing perfume?" I growled, reaching for her again. I nuzzled her neck, inhaling deeply. Bella never wore perfume, which I didn't mind. But this smelled fantastic.
She was blushing and grinning. "Alice," she repeated. That was a clear explanation in our family. I reluctantly helped her with her coat so we could leave before I jumped her. Alice's place was not too far away; she had a ground floor apartment with a little back garden, and she let us in before we even knocked.
"I saw you pull in. I'm so happy you guys are here!" She hugged Bella as we took our coats off, then took my shoulders in her hands and looked me over. "Not bad, big brother. Considering you dressed yourself." I was in a black suit with a skinny black tie; my hair could never be tamed, but I had recently had it cut. I'd left the morning scruff on my face instead of bothering with it.
I smirked. "Gee, thanks, Alice. Your place looks great." She had a quirky little place with a lot of exposed brick, which she had hung colorful paintings over throughout. White lights were strung over the sliding glass doors, and I could see the subtle touches of Christmas decorations on the tables and shelves. Jasper came over and slung his arms over my shoulders and Bella's until she giggled and slipped away with Alice.
The door swung open behind us, and Emmett practically bounded in. "Santa's here, let's get this party started!" His voice was loud enough that everyone turned to look, and he earned a cheer, especially when he held up the bottles of liquor he'd brought along.
I greeted him with a one-armed hug, and talked with him for a few minutes about work as I kept Bella in my peripheral vision. She mingled a little, mostly shadowing Alice, and I watched Rosalie approach them with a determined look on her face.
oOo
BPOV
I was standing just outside the kitchen with Alice, looking at the drink choices and trying to make up my mind, when I caught sight of blonde hair coming my way. I swallowed thickly and looked at Alice to gauge her thoughts.
"It's okay, she's promised to be friendly," Alice whispered. I nodded, thinking I would just ignore her approach.
"Bella."
So much for ignoring her. It was really just a statement, but it sounded brisk and unfriendly. I turned to face her with a bit of trepidation. "Yes?"
"I'm sorry."
I raised my brows in surprise, not at all sure what she meant. "Uh, you're sorry? For what?"
She huffed a breath loudly. "I'm sorry, because I didn't give you a chance. That wasn't fair of me." She raised a bitch brow, and hers had mine beat. "So are we drinking, or what?"
Alice clapped her hands like she was a teacher bringing a class to attention. "Yes! Let's drink."
Alice started mixing liquor and juice until it tasted like a summer vacation, and I kept slurping them down like my life depended on it. It seemed like Rose was trying to keep up with me, so she knocked back as many as I did, until we were leaning against each other and laughing too loudly about everything.
"Seriously, Edward looks sooo yummy in that suit." I took a drink. "First time I've seen him wear a tie, I think." I frowned at my empty glass. "Ali! More coconut pineapple good stuff."
She giggled loudly, then snorted. "I don't think I'm doing a good job mixing them anymore. I might need help."
I grabbed the bottle of coconut vodka from her hands and splashed some into my tumbler. "Problem solved!"
Rose laughed. "No, no, no. No. You have to add the pineapple juice, it makes it taste like the Bahamas. Like warm sand, and a naked Emmett." She licked her lips.
"Ew!" Alice squealed. "Don't put that image in my head!"
"What image? The one where he's hung like a horse and I get to ride him like a cowgirl?" She circled her arm over her head like she was roping an imaginary steer. Rose and I snorted into giggles, but Alice scowled.
"You know I don't want to hear about that man's junk, Rosie. The sex, sure, but not the junk."
"Oh, sex," I spoke up. I waved the vodka bottle I was still holding as Rose tipped some juice into my glass. "The sex with Edward is unreal. My high school boyfriend was awful at it. Only I didn't know any better. I just thought I was broken or that sex was boring."
"Boring?" Alice asked, a bit loudly. Several people turned their heads in our direction. She stuck her tongue out at them and they laughed and went back to their conversations. "Jasper is never boring. He's so tall, and I'm so little, and he can just pick me up and flip me upside down. . . " She sighed. "Acrobatic, and fun."
The three of us laughed loudly again. "Orgasms pile up like he's trying to win a gold medal." I winked, or at least I thought I did.
"Oh, you can thank the ex for that. She complained about 'not being satisfied'," Alice said with air quotes.
"Thanks, skanky ex-girlfriend. The sex is fuck-tastic." Rosalie laughed and propped her elbow on my shoulder. "Why are you so tall, Amazon?"
"Don't hate." She flipped her hair. "I was born this perfect."
"Ugh. You really are perfect."
Alice waved her hand in the air. "No, nobody's perfect. I told you to stop using that word, Bell. You're doing it wrong."
"Wait, did you call me Amazon?" Rose asked, downing the rest of her drink.
"Oh, that's the nicest nickname I have for you," I said, then clapped my hand over my mouth. "Maybe I shouldn't have said that."
"Like what, Shorty?" She didn't look offended through my booze-goggles, so I gave her a few.
"Rozilla, Blonde Ambition, Guard Dog," I laughed. "You know, cause you hate me."
"I don't hate you. Right now, I love you, as long as you pour me some more alcohol."
Edward was crossing the room to stand next to me. "Everyone else has left, love. What are you girls finding so funny?"
"They're gone? But we just got here." I frowned.
"No, sweetie, it's been three hours." He kissed my temple.
"Wow." I laughed some more, just because it felt good. Emmett and Jasper joined us, and the six of us poured new drinks.
"We were talking about how well hung you three boys are," Rose said matter-of-factly. Edward choked. Emmett guffawed, then slapped Rosalie on the back. She grinned at him, and he leaned in and started to kiss her. It was way too much visible tongue for my taste.
"Gross, Blondie." I shoved Emmett's arm. "Take her home." Edward looked at me in surprise. "What?"
"Nothing, you just seem comfortable." He smiled a happy, crooked smile at me.
"I am, and this bottle says so." I held the empty bottle up to his face, and he pushed it away.
"You are so drunk," he pointed out. He took the bottle from me and set it on the counter.
"Yup," I drug the word out to multiple syllables. I looked around, and Jasper was leaning over Alice, who was backed against the pantry door. They were making out too. "Uh, are we done here?"
"We can be, why?"
I bit my lip. "I want you to take me back to my place, that's why."
Edward grinned and grabbed me by the waist, spinning me towards the door and grabbing our coats. "It's been a great party, Alice! Love you!"
Unending Love
I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times…
In life after life, in age after age, forever.
My spellbound heart has made and remade the necklace of songs,
That you take as a gift, wear round your neck in your many forms,
In life after life, in age after age, forever.
Whenever I hear old chronicles of love, its age-old pain,
Its ancient tale of being apart or together.
As I stare on and on into the past, in the end you emerge,
Clad in the light of a pole-star piercing the darkness of time:
You become an image of what is remembered forever.
You and I have floated here on the stream that brings from the fount.
At the heart of time, love of one for another.
We have played along side millions of lovers, shared in the same
Shy sweetness of meeting, the same distressful tears of farewell-
Old love but in shapes that renew and renew forever.
Today it is heaped at your feet, it has found its end in you
The love of all man’s days both past and forever:
Universal joy, universal sorrow, universal life.
The memories of all loves merging with this one love of ours –
And the songs of every poet past and forever.
In life after life, in age after age, forever.
My spellbound heart has made and remade the necklace of songs,
That you take as a gift, wear round your neck in your many forms,
In life after life, in age after age, forever.
Whenever I hear old chronicles of love, its age-old pain,
Its ancient tale of being apart or together.
As I stare on and on into the past, in the end you emerge,
Clad in the light of a pole-star piercing the darkness of time:
You become an image of what is remembered forever.
You and I have floated here on the stream that brings from the fount.
At the heart of time, love of one for another.
We have played along side millions of lovers, shared in the same
Shy sweetness of meeting, the same distressful tears of farewell-
Old love but in shapes that renew and renew forever.
Today it is heaped at your feet, it has found its end in you
The love of all man’s days both past and forever:
Universal joy, universal sorrow, universal life.
The memories of all loves merging with this one love of ours –
And the songs of every poet past and forever.
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