Right now I need a miracle
Hurry up, I need a miracle
Stranded, reaching out
I call your name but you're not around
I say you're name but you're not around
I need you, I need you, I need you right now
Yeah, I need you right now
So don't let me, don't let me, don't let me down
I think I'm losing my mind now
It's in my head, darling I hope
That you'll be there when I need you the most
So don't let me, don't let me, don't let me down
Don't let me down, down, down
~ The Chainsmokers ft. Daya, Don't Let Me Down
February 2010
BPOV
I was beginning to feel like myself again, after the grueling months of dealing with Mike and finding myself to be a workaholic. I felt like I was out of the slump that followed, where I wanted nothing more than to bury my head in the sand, but was too bored to sit still. The holidays felt relaxed, especially when my parents came to visit for a week after the first of the year. Mom and I spent most of our time decorating a guest room upstairs and an office downstairs. Dad and Edward got their fishing trip, which they both enjoyed more than they thought they would.
I spent the month of December learning my way around the library on Mercer Island, including the friendly staff. Carmen, the head librarian, was a lovely woman somewhere around a decade older than me, with rich coffee colored hair and smooth olive skin. She was possibly created for the position of librarian, she was so attentive and warm and compassionate to the patrons and to me, also.
"Whatever hours are comfortable for you, Bella. You are a volunteer, after all." Her chocolate eyes were quite similar to my own, but seemed more expressive to me. Her husband stopped in one day at lunch, and I looked after the counter for her while they sat outside for a visit. Eleazar had a more exotic look to his features, and a heavier accent than Carmen. She said they had been married forever and had not been able to have children of their own, so she loved story hour when the children would come in. I did, as well.
After Rose's announcement, Edward and I spent several nights having serious discussions regarding children. We knew before we married that we each wanted them, but the idea of them is something very different than the concrete existence of them. I was a little giddy at the idea that he wanted to start trying for children already. He admitted that Charlie had something to do with that.
In February I met a sweet older lady at the library by the name of Siobhan. She came in asking me if there were any newly donated suspense novels, and sat right down in an armchair and started reading one. Her accent was faded like her eyes, but her smile was genuine when it curved up in her wrinkled face.
"I don't recall seeing you in here before," she said in a whispery voice, with a lilting remainder of Ireland.
"I came here in December, as a volunteer. We moved to the island a handful of months ago."
"I come in on Tuesdays and Thursdays, always at nine. Never miss one. Carmen, she lets me read whatever has come in lately."
"Ah, that explains it. The only two days I normally don't come in." I sat on the edge of the table next to her. "I'll have to change that."
Siobhan and I sat in the reading nook for an hour, talking about the book she was reading. I brought her a cup of tea from the cafe, and she gave me the sweetest smile. Her eyes crinkled in the corners when she smiled at me, and she gave me the warmest feeling, like my grandmother used to.
I left at the end of my day feeling buoyant and incredibly happy. I had a smile on my face as I unlocked the door of my truck. A movement caught my attention in my peripheral vision, so I looked up, the smile dying on my frozen face.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" I hissed. My face flamed, and my body locked down.
Mike just smiled and sauntered closer to me. "I wanted to see how you were holding up after the. . .incident at the university."
"I'm fantastic, thanks for asking. Go away." I was infuriated that he would dare to show up here.
"Now, now, that's impolite." He reached towards me, and I side stepped. His hand bumped the truck instead.
"Don't touch me," I warned in a low voice. "How did you find me?"
"Your address is in your personnel file. It wasn't hard to ask around and find where you were working." He reached for me again.
"I said DON'T TOUCH ME!" My voice was edging towards hysteria.
"Isabella? Is there a problem?" I visually sagged in relief at the sharp sound of Eleazar's voice.
"Yes, this man has repeatedly tried to put his hands on me." I watched Mike's eyes shift from me to the man walking up next to me.
"And you are?" Eleazar asked. His eyes narrowed, and to me he looked intimidating.
"It's not important." He focused back on me. "I'll see you around, Bella." Mike started whistling as he walked away, crossing the street and disappearing into the park. The rush of adrenaline left me feeling exhausted and shaky.
"I'm so glad you came when you did, Eleazar." I sighed. "Carmen is still inside, but I believe she's almost done closing up. She sent me home."
"That is fine, Chabela, but are you sure you are all right?" The concern was evident in his thickly accented voice.
I was flushed from anger and embarrassment, and then the tears started to flow freely. I couldn't help myself as I sobbed, Eleazar wrapping his warm arms around me and shushing me soothingly.
"Here, let us go inside to Carmen. Can one of us call your husband?" He tsked. "Mi querido, you are shaking." He ushered me back inside the cool library, and the thick, familiar smell of paper and coffee helped to ease my mind.
"Th-thank you, Eleazar," I said, and watched Carmen rush at us from the circulation desk.
"Bella!" She met her husband's eyes. "What is it?"
"Un hombre. He was trying to touch her, until I walked up. He is gone now, amablemente."
Carmen nodded in concern. "Honey, let's get the phone and call Edward. You're in no shape to drive home."
The Denalis took care of me as I waited for Edward, who had merely said he was coming right away. He had to drive from midtown Seattle, so I sat with Carmen while Eleazar made us hot tea. She had a calming, maternal presence about her, regardless of her young age. We ended up chatting about the fabulous Siobhan, who was a long time regular and beloved by all of the staff.
I was considerably more calm by the time Edward arrived; he, however, was not.
"What the hell happened? Did he put his hands on you?" He looked around frantically as he rushed to me, as though the instinct to defend included the interior of the library.
I waved my hands dismissively and stood as he approached, and he crushed me to him, his hands roaming my body like he was searching for injuries. "He's gone. I think Eleazar scared him off." I had spoken enough of the Denalis that Edward knew who they were, but he had never met them. I made quick introductions as Edward thanked them profusely.
"I am merely grateful for my good timing, and the fact that I was here to pick up mi cielo for dinner, which is not always the case." Eleazar looked at me. "I believe the young man's intentions were to scare your wife, Edward."
"Yes, we've had problems with him in the past. He was Bella's boss at the university, and he made her life very difficult." I'd shared all of this with Carmen, so she understood.
"Yes, well, he shouldn't be hanging around our parking lot here. Maybe you should file a restraining order if he's been a repeat nuisance?" Carmen suggested.
"That's exactly what we should do," Edward agreed.
"Wait. Why would anyone believe my side of the story over his? They didn't the last time."
"We have security cameras aimed toward the parking lot, Bella. It's in black and white, no one has to take sides. The truth will be on the camera," Carmen pointed out.
Eleazar added, "I will corroborate if you need, Isabella. I saw him reach for you, and you backed away just as I was approaching."
"Thank you guys, so much" I sniffled, and Edward tightened his arms around me. "I made it harder on myself the last time by not speaking up. It's so much easier with your support."
~~~oOo~~~
With the restraining order filed, I felt more at ease as I left in the evenings. Carmen watched me from the door each time, reminding me of the cameras to help me to relax.
I didn't tell Siobhan about what happened, but she was an intuitive woman. She asked me every time she came if I was still okay, or if I'd been staying out of trouble. Once she even asked if I felt safe at home, and I was quick to assure her it was not my husband that was the problem. She swore to me that she would take on whatever monsters plagued me, and I couldn't help hugging her for that.
"When I was a wee little babe, there was political unrest in my country. It was called Cogadh na Saoirse. Civilians, British soldiers, and guerrilla men were killed with no regard to whose side they were on. My father was killed on Domhnach na Fola." She looked at me seriously with her filmy eyes. "You would call it Bloody Sunday. My mother was never the same again; she had many babes to tend to, and I was the youngest." She closed her eyes, as though she was picturing this thing that had occurred so long ago. "There was a man that I remember growing up. Not my father, but my mathair's man friend." She smiled wryly. "I knew even then what he was. He was not kind to the children. He wanted only my mother, for she was a beauty still."
She stopped speaking long enough that I prompted her. "What happened?" I asked quietly, afraid of the answer.
She reopened her eyes and looked right into mine, and I somehow felt her terrible pain. "He did unspeakable things to my older sisters. Ma would not give in to him anymore, and he took his revenge on her daughters. I was lucky; I was young enough that he did not want to bother with me." She sighed with a deeply ingrained weariness. "Mathair was not the type to sit by, though. She defended her daughters the best she could, and she paid for it with her life. My young brothers and I ran as fast as our short legs would carry us to the neighbor's house. We found help, but too late."
She picked up her cup and sipped a bit of tea. I was riveted to the spot, too afraid to say anything and break the strange connection I felt between us. "We were wards of the government after that. We were split up, the youngest of us being of more interest. I had a good set of adoptive parents. They brought me here to the States. I had a good life after that."
"What happened to your siblings?" I whispered.
"I never knew."
I left that day feeling weighed down with Siobhan's sadness. I wanted my husband, I wanted some comfort and safety, and I was more than relieved to walk in my own front door.
I could hear the tinkling of the piano as I searched out Edward. I followed the sounds, taking off my shoes and stripping my jacket on the way to the family room. The echoing notes rose and fell as he played, filling my heart with warmth once again.
I went straight to him, draping myself over his back and breathing in his unique scent.
"Hello," he greeted me, wrapping his arms over mine.
I kissed his neck, then behind his ear. "Hello, love of mine. I missed you."
I straightened as he turned on the piano bench, his hands going to my waist. "I was thinking of you, and adding to your lullaby."
I smiled at him. "That's very sweet." I leaned into him, touching my lips softly to his. His hands brushed at the hair at my temple before cradling my jaw. "I want to make love to my husband," I said quietly as we broke apart from the kiss.
He smiled tenderly at me. "I would like nothing more, my Bella."
There were soft sighs and whispers of love, gentle caresses and throaty moans. We were so attuned to each other's needs, our bodies responding readily to the ecstasy we created in our cocoon. It was easy, but no less powerful than the first time. I found solace in his strong arms, a completeness that I only felt when we were together as one.
Spanish translations:
Chabela- nickname for Isabella
Mi querido- my dear
Un hombre- a man
Amablemente- thankfully
Mi cielo- my heaven (endearment)
Gaelic translations:
Cogadh na Saoirse- Irish War of Independence
Domhnach na Fola- Bloody Sunday
Mathair- mother
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