There'll be days your heart don't wanna beat
You pray more than you breathe
And you just wanna fall to pieces
And you just need a break
Break on me
Shatter like glass
Come apart in my hands
Take as long as it takes
Break on me
Put your head on my chest
Let me help you forget
When your heart needs to break
Just break on me
~Keith Urban, Break On Me
February 2011
EPOV
There were plenty of aspects of our lives that were better. Bella was able to resume her volunteering at the library, and was happier for it. She'd let up on scheduling sex, which my cock and I were grateful for. To be more specific, she jumped me on a regular basis, like we used to do when we were first married. My career was on an upswing; I'd successfully predicted a surge in stock prices, and the many clients that were on board with me were thrilled at the extra money. I was flexible in my work hours, and enjoyed coming home early occasionally to find my wife willing to get crazy.
That didn't mean I missed the disappointment in her eyes when she still got her period every month. I knew it disturbed her, the way the words 'unexplained infertility' confused and frustrated her. There was no specific cause, nothing she could tackle with science and determination. But it didn't depress her the way it did before.
At least that was what I thought. It turned out that I was wrong, that she was trying so hard to be happy, to be normal for me, that she suppressed her feelings at the cost of her mental health.
That's hindsight.
In the moment, she and I were carefree, enjoying our newly contented life. I came home early on a rainy, ugly Thursday afternoon with the expectation that I would find my lovely Bella and then thoroughly fuck her. Seemed like an excellent plan to me.
I found her in the sunroom, curled up in the armchair reading. She smiled when she saw me come in the room.
"Gross out there, isn't it?" she observed, stretching up to accept my kiss.
"Mmm. You weren't caught in it, were you?"
"No, the library was deserted, so I came home about lunch time."
I tugged on her hand until she stood with me. I brushed her hair away from her face, my hands lingering on her jaw as I leaned in for a deeper kiss. Her arms circled my waist, her small hands gripping my shirt. I loved the way she did that, as though she couldn't get close enough.
I broke away, sighing in contentment and resting my forehead on hers. My thumbs smoothed over her cheeks.
"I missed you while I was sitting here all alone," she said, and I wondered how she made those simple words sound so sexy.
"I missed you, too, that's why I came home early." The more we had sex, the more horny I was for her. It flamed my appetite instead of satisfying it.
She kneaded her hands over my back, running them up to the back of my neck, straining on her toes to reach. I helped her out by leaning down, and found the side of her neck with my tongue. I put my hands in her hair, pulling out the elastic and running my fingers through her chestnut waves.
I licked behind her ear where she was sensitive, and she gripped my neck, making little mewling sounds. I moved my hands to her breasts, caressing, rolling her nipples through her shirt and causing her to squirm.
I heard the phone ringing in the kitchen, but I ignored it. Most people called our cell phones, so I assumed it was a solicitor.
I kissed Bella again, running my tongue across her lower lip, then slipping it into her mouth to stroke against hers.
The phone started ringing again. "Ugh, maybe I should get that," I said half-heartedly.
She giggled. "No way, it's a wrong number. Go back to kissing me."
I laughed, and the ringing stopped. Bella's hands went to my waistband, slipping inside and working over my ass.
The phone started ringing again. I shifted away from her, now feeling concerned. "Let me see who it is in case it's important," I said.
"What could be more important than this?" she asked, making a grab for my ass as I walked into the kitchen. "Tell Alice she has horrible timing."
I was laughing as I snatched up the phone. "Hello?"
I sobered immediately as I listened to the male voice on the other end of the line, not believing what I was hearing. I looked to Bella, and wondered what she saw on my face. She was watching me carefully, all trace of humor gone.
"Ed-Edward?" she whispered. She crossed her arms over her chest defensively, her body folding inward.
"I'll pass on the news, deputy." I saw her flinch, watched as her face crumpled and the tears started falling.
"Yes, okay. We'll see you there." She was already shaking her head as I hung up the phone and faced her fully.
"No." Her head shook violently, and I felt tears tracking down my own face as I reached for her.
She stepped back. "Whatever it is, don't you dare say it. I can't take anything else, Edward!"
"Baby-"
"NO!" she screamed brokenly. She backed up until she stumbled, and I rushed forward and caught her. She clutched desperately to my shirt, her tears staining the front of it. I laid my cheek on her hair, and I cried with her.
"It's bad, isn't it?" she said so quietly I almost didn't hear it.
"It's bad, yes."
"Your family, or mine? They're all my family, what does it matter?" she moaned.
I took a very deep breath, bracing myself for the blow I was about to deliver and squeezing her trembling body closer to mine. "We should sit."
"Just fucking say it!" she yelled, leaning away from my embrace. I silently let her scream at me, took the brunt of her feelings onto myself. I could stand the weight of the anguish better than she. "It's fucking awful either way, so just fucking spit it out!"
"It's your parents," I blurted out. I felt miserable as she gasped, her head shaking fiercely again.
Her whole body was shaking, as though the negative response could reverse the horror I was about to deliver. "They were in a car accident."
"Oh, God," she cried out, crushing herself to me again. I held on until the weight of the sorrow was finally too much, until my legs gave out, then I cradled her body to me, rocking as we sat there on the floor, and her tears turned to sobs. She didn't speak again, and I gave her time to absorb what I'd said. I wasn't finished, but I thought she knew anyway.
"We need to go to Forks, love." She sobbed and nodded her head, but didn't move to get up.
"Sweetheart. . ." I didn't want to say the rest. The words were stuck, and I felt as if they were burning my throat.
"P-please j-just d-don't s-say it," she whispered brokenly, air gasping out of her mouth with the words. "L-let me p-p-pretend it's not-not true, at l-least until we get there."
I was quiet, waiting for her to be ready to move. She sniffled, wiping her nose with her hand. I reached for the tissues on the counter, leaning up with her in my lap. I handed her the box, and she clutched it like a lifeline.
The drive to Forks was unbearable. The heavy rain, the clogged roads, and the weight of the unspoken truth hung over our heads like a guillotine. I was on edge as we pulled into the parking lot of the police station. It was dark, and the lights blurred and shined in hideous patterns as we made our way inside. I tried to protect Bella with the umbrella, but she didn't seem to notice the rain.
The deputy I'd spoken to, Mark, stepped up when he saw us approach. "Bella, I'm-"
"Don't," she choked out. She put her hands up, warding him off. "I know what you're supposed to do and say, but please just don't. I am barely holding it together right now, and I. . ." She shook her head hard, her breathing coming in short gasps. I hugged her to me.
The deputy sighed a little, scrubbed his hand over his jaw, and looked at Bella carefully. "I've done everything. . . I just need your signature." He motioned to his desk and the papers and pen already set out.
Bella disentangled herself from my arms, walking over to the desk on unsteady legs. I followed, watching her. She picked up the pen, pausing to take an unsteady breath. She signed where the sticky arrow was, then flipped the page and signed again. There were about five pages, and she signed them all without ever reading them.
"Do you need anything else?" she asked him tonelessly. "Right now, I mean."
"No, everything can wait. I took the liberty of booking you a room at the bed and breakfast." Mark shifted his weight, looking closely at Bella. She was gnawing on her lip, and her hands were trembling. She brushed a tear away with her shaking fingers, then clasped my hand in hers so tightly that my hand shook with the force.
"Thank you," she whispered, then looked to me. The depth of emotion in her eyes nearly broke me.
I went through the motions of driving us to the Forks Inn, checking in and leading her to our room. She undressed mechanically, washing her face and falling into the bed in her underwear and one of my t-shirts. I crawled in next to her, pulling her trembling body close to mine in the only way I knew how to give comfort.
As time passed, I thought she'd fallen asleep, until she startled me with a loud, sorrowful wail.
My heart shattered as the dam opened, letting out the despair she had been trying so hard to hold in.
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