I can’t seem to say anything other than fine when I’m asked what I think. It’s an endless parade of flowers, songs, and prayers. Every word and color and second of the memorial has to be picked out and planned out, until I want to run as fast and as far as I can. There’s no coffin, because there’s nothing to put in it. There’s just… nothing.
“I need some air,” I blurt as I scrape my chair back, the sound as harsh as my breathing. I stumble half blind out the front door of the funeral parlor, stopping outside with my hands on my knees as I drag air into my lungs. I feel a hand on my back, but I can’t look up. I can’t see for the tears blinding me anyway.
“He loved you, Bella.” The voice is deep, warmer than I deserve it to be.
“He loved you more, Emmett.” I straighten and look him in the eyes, having to crane my neck to do it. “I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I’m sorry I put you in jail, I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to defy Charlie and Jake. I’m sorry that I tried to get you released and only made it worse.” The tears burst free again, my heart so heavy it clenches in my chest. “I’m so, so sorry I got your brother killed.”
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