Well I started out down a dirty road
Started out all alone
And the sun went down as I crossed the hill
And the town lit up, the world got still
I'm learning to fly, but I ain't got wings
Coming down is the hardest thing
Well, the good ol' days may not return
And the rocks might melt and the sea may burn
I'm learning to fly but I ain't got wings
Coming down is the hardest thing
Well, some say life will beat you down
Break your heart, steal your crown
So I've started out for God-knows-where
I guess I'll know when I get there
I'm learning to fly, around the clouds
But what goes up must come down
I'm learning to fly, but I ain't got wings
Coming down is the hardest thing
I'm learning to fly around the clouds
~Tom Petty, Learning To Fly
BPOV
As I lay exhausted in the hospital bed, I'm surrounded by all the people I love. And it feels like a perfect ending to a perfect day. I've got my little girl, and I've got my husband. Jasper and Alice have changed their clothes and are cooing at the baby in the bassinet. Rose and Emmett have just arrived, after seeing V off with Rose's parents. Esme is impatiently waiting to hold her granddaughter, bickering with Alice about letting a sleeping baby sleep. She is still in her formal gown, as is Rosalie. Emmett, Carlisle, and Edward are still in tuxedos.
Edward in a tuxedo with an unbuttoned shirt and no tie is completely unfair to womankind, especially the one that just pushed a basketball out of her lady bits and can't get near her husband's dick for ages.
Completely unfair.
For now, he is sitting on the edge of my bed, stroking his fingers up and down my forearm. His touch is light, but warm, a trail blazing where he strokes. My eyelids droop, and I content myself to listen to my family around me.
"We'll always have a memorable anniversary," Jasper points out.
"So true," Alice replies.
"I want to hold her so much," Esme says petulantly, again. "What did you say her eyes look like?"
"They're such a dark blue, almost grey," Edward's voice rumbles from beside me, and the sound makes me smile.
"I love her name," Alice says. "It's a nice tribute."
"She and Vera will be best friends," Rose says, and the other ladies agree.
"I'll be back," that deep bass that can only belong to one person.
"Gift shop," Alice and Rose say simultaneously.
Carlisle chuckles. "Esme, sweetie, back off. She's not going anywhere," he says indulgently.
Esme sighs. "I know, I just want to hold her, so much."
I speak up, my eyes still closed. "Go ahead, Esme. I know you're dying to, and even if she wakes, it'll be fine."
"You say that now, because you've never woken a baby and watched them turn into a screaming nightmare," Rose laughs.
I smile, but I'm mostly asleep, so I don't respond. I just want to know that everyone is here, with me.
~~~oOo~~~
Arriving home from the hospital with Edward, Esme, and Alice is surreal. Alice dashes up the stairs to check on the nursery, and Edward sets the car seat down carefully on the floor of the living room. Esme drops next to me on the couch, dipping her head to rest it on my shoulder.
"All she does is sleep," Esme complains.
I snort, and Edward laughs. "That's because you go home at night, when she's most awake," I tell her.
"She eats a lot," Edward observes.
"You can usually set a clock by a newborn, that's true," she says.
Alice bounds back down the stairs. "Diapers are set up in the changing table, and I took the package out of the crib."
"Package?" Edward asks.
Shit.
"Thanks, Ali. I'll get to it later," I say, hoping Edward doesn't ask again.
"You'll want to set up as much down here as you can," Esme remarks, and I think she's intuitively helping to cover for me. "So that you don't have to run up and down the stairs when you need something."
"That's what Edward's for," Alice says.
There's a stirring, soft as a mouse, and a tiny squeak. Esme and Alice fly into action, pulling off blankets, unbuckling and removing straps, and then, finally, Esme lifts Charlie out of the car seat. Edward collapses onto the couch next to me, taking my hand and kissing the back of it.
"Do you think we'll ever hold her in the daylight hours again?" he asks.
I laugh. "Probably not." I look at his face as he watches his mother soothing his daughter, his sister touching her perfect pink cheek.
"It's everything, isn't it?" he asks quietly, and I lean into him, resting my cheek on the side of his arm. His hold tightens on my hand.
"I know exactly what you mean."
~~~oOo~~~
With everything going on, I'd forgotten about the Christmas present I'd dropped in the crib when it arrived. I wasn't sure I wanted to open it, because I knew it was ordered before I'd sent him out of my house.
I haven't, nor do I expect to, heard from Jake since the night he was here on Christmas Eve. Charlie arriving cancelled out my next appointment, and I don't have to see the OB until my six week checkup. I'm not sure if I want to see him then, with Edward and Charlie by my side, or if I want to pretend he doesn't exist.
He was a good friend to me, but always with an ulterior motive just under the surface. I don't think we can be friends anymore, because I don't think he can handle being friends with a married, committed woman.
Though we haven't done any serious talking in the past few days in the hospital, I know that Edward and I are in a far better place. I know that we will get to where we need to be, because I believe we've done that separately with success. Yes, we missed each other desperately while we were apart, but we each worked to make ourselves whole as a single person, before coming back together as a unit. I know that our previous issues were due to a lack of communication.
My therapist and I talked about how it started with me, but by the end, Edward wasn't communicating either. It's possible my need to be perfect in order to feel good about myself started the avalanche, but neither of us dodged the debris. It just accumulated until we could no longer stand under the weight.
I rip off the pink snowflake paper, looking down at the large gift basket filled with pink items for Charlie. Onesies, blankets, toys, the works. I feel a small pang of guilt, for Jake and for Edward. I need to talk to Edward about Jake, and vice versa. Sighing, I shove the gift into the back of the closet and ball up the paper, carrying it downstairs and straight out to the recycle bins in the garage. I'm not exactly hiding, just procrastinating.
I hear Edward before I see him; my lullaby lilts and echoes from the piano in the family room. I go in there, smiling at the sight of him there, exactly where he belongs. As the song comes to an end, he looks up at me, rising immediately and coming to me.
"What's wrong?" he asks worriedly, solicitously.
"Wrong?" I repeat, feeling dumbfounded. There is nothing wrong anymore.
"You're crying." He sounds offended.
I reach up and swipe a fingertip under my eye, feeling the wetness. "I didn't realize I was. It's just because you were there, playing your piano again." I sniffle. "I missed that," I whisper.
He looks questioningly at me, and I nod. His arms go around me, and he holds me tightly in his strong arms. I wind mine around his waist, holding on for dear life. The tears are streaming down my face now.
"I think I'm ready for bed. I'm so exhausted," I admit. "Where's Charlie?"
Edward laughs. "Mom has her, of course. Alice left a little while ago, but not before she made sure the guest room was set up for Mom. She told us to go ahead to bed when we were ready, by the way."
I nod. "That's nice of her." I reach for a tissue and wipe my face. "Hormones aren't done with me just yet," I sigh.
Edward and I head upstairs, and I realize what Esme was saying about the stairs as I wince with each step. Edward stoops, swooping me into his arms and carrying me up the stairs. I laugh lightly as he sets me on my feet at the top floor landing, and it's a freeing feeling. We walk down the hall hand in hand, and then start getting ready for bed. I don't feel shy like I thought I might, but my movements are slow and careful as I change clothes.
And then I stand in our master bedroom, looking at the bed we once shared, and those damn hormones take over as I realize we're finally going to share it again. I feel him come and stand behind me.
"I thought constantly of having the chance to be in your arms in this bed again," I admit.
He walks past me, turning down the duvet and then the sheets. He holds his hand out to me, and I can't help the tears that flow freely. I step to him, accepting his outstretched hand. He brings our joined hands to his lips and kisses my fingers, then gestures towards the bed. I sit carefully, and he helps me swing my legs up, tucking me in. He climbs in on his side of the bed, and I immediately roll to face him.
His face is inches from mine, and instead of speaking, I crush my mouth to his, kissing him with love and longing. His tears mingle with mine, and I feel whole again. I slip easily into a dreamless sleep with Edward's arms wrapped snugly around me.
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