It’s a moonless night, no stars to be seen, and there’s only one light at the top of a pole far into the distance. I drag my fingertips over the splintered wood as I feel my way down the side of the house, stopping at the corner. I don't hear anybody, so I slowly shuffle my way through the front yard, my ears on alert for foot soldiers. I desperately wish I had learned how to hotwire a car, or that I’d thought to look for someone’s keys, instead of having nothing. But I've always had nothing, and it won't stop me now.
Just as I start across the grass in what I hope is the direction leading the fuck away from here, I feel a hand clamp down on my shoulder. I spin, scared to death I’ll see the bloody corpse of Jake looming in front of me.
“Seth!” I nearly scream in relief, but then I remember we’re trying to escape and need to be quiet.
“Jesus, Bella, you’re covered in blood! What did he do to you?” he gasps, patting me all over in reassurance that I'm whole.
“It’s what I did to him, Seth. This isn’t my blood. Are you rescuing me, I hope?” If not, I don't think I have any fight left in me.
“Yes, as a matter of fact. My car is over there.” He points in the general direction of pitch black, so I simply nod and walk with him. The safety of being in the car with the doors locked makes everything come crashing down. My breath is sharp and shallow, paining me with each inhale and exhale.
“I hurt him, Seth,” I whimper into the darkened interior of his car. “I hurt him badly. I’m pretty damn sure I killed his ass.”
“Good,” he says emphatically. “I tried to get to you sooner, but the last fucker wouldn’t pass out.”
Seth speeds down the road that takes us off of the reservation and onto the 101, and the adrenaline from my ordeal has my body shaking and jerking. My jaw is clamped together so hard my teeth hurt, but I can't seem to release it. My legs are pulled up onto the seat, and I wrap my arms around them like a lifeline. All of my muscles are on lockdown.
“Bella…” I can tell from his tone that something is wrong. I turn my head as it rests on my knees to face Seth, hating the sudden dread in his voice, expecting to see headlights gaining on us in the side mirror. Instead, I see a huge fire in the distance. Whatever it was, it's completely engulfed. I'm not sure exactly what has Seth so worried; it's far enough away that it shouldn't affect us.
“Bella!” Seth shouts this time.
“What?” I respond in a panic. What the hell has him so flustered?
“Fuck. Bella, that’s- that’s Edward’s place.” At his words, I glance back out the window one more time before everything goes dark.
Seth shakes my shoulder, and I jolt upright, realizing I passed out. We’re at the burning house now, surrounded by fire engines, and I bolt out of the car without thinking about the consequences. I don't get very far; there are too many men there, working, watching, protecting idiots like me.
“Ma’am, you can't go over there!” the firefighter says in a tone of voice that makes it clear how obvious that should be. God, it’s so hot even at this distance. I feel my breath hitch, the greasy rise of simmering hysteria.
“Edward!!” I scream, flailing at the arms surrounding me. I scream, and scream some more, watching in horror as the roof collapses. There's no way anybody in that building would have survived. “Please, was there anybody inside? Please tell me you got him out! Please! Edward!”
“Fire was too far gone by the time we got here. All we can do is keep it from spreading to the trees.” He almost sounds bored; this is the usual for him. He has no idea that my world just ended.
He doesn't have to hold me back anymore, because my legs give out from under me. Seth grabs me up, pulling me from the dirt. “Just take me back to Jake’s, already. Nothing he can do to me now is worse than what he did here.” There's no life in my voice whatsoever. That would take energy that I just don’t have, now that I’ve lost all of my fight along with everything else that ever mattered in my life.
“Bella-” Seth tries.
“Save it Seth, nothing you could possibly say would ever provide me with any comfort now.” There’s a lifetime of weariness in my voice, now, centuries of it.
“Okay, but let me take you to Mom’s. She’ll know what to do.”
“There's not a fucking thing left to be done, Seth! We were too late. We were stupid to think we could play Nancy Drew and The Hardy Boys and find the culprit before the story ended. We failed, Seth. And now Edward’s dead because of it!” My words end on a sob, and my legs give out again as I think of the hideous burning, the fire consuming anything in it's path. What were my last words to him? I can't even remember.
Seth drags me to his car and tucks me back inside. I think he's afraid I'll bolt and throw myself into the burning building, but I’ve got no fight left, nothing inside. Nothing. It's a void, a black, soundless void.
When we get to her house, Sue says things as she helps Seth get me out of the car, but I can't hear them. There's nothing that would help, nothing to fix this. She pushes me into a running shower, but I just stand there while the water rolls over me. I can't think of anything. I can't allow myself to feel. I wrap the void around my shoulders like a cloak, because without it, there is pain.
I can't endure anymore pain.
There's an agent here now, coming in the house and asking questions. He has a badge, and a notebook. I think of Inspector Gadget, and I laugh. It must not have been an appropriate time, because I receive strange looks from the others. They want me to talk about what happened yesterday, while I was gone. I simply tell them I married Jake and then killed him. At least I hope I did. They want me to know it will all be okay. Stupid, useless platitudes again.
The thing is, there is no such thing as the kingdom where nobody dies. You have your memories, and the moments in which you make them. You have a legacy made up of friends and family, and in them you can live on. But there's no forever, there's no eternity. There's only now. And then there's misery when that moment is over. Death is worse for the living than it is for the dead.
In my head, there are soft shapes and sounds. I watch the memories of us play out in front of me, when we were young and innocent, and thought that the world was ours for the taking, because we had each other. We were right, honestly. We had it all back then, and we knew it. That’s what I miss… what was, and what will never be.
But even the darkest hour only has sixty minutes, and I have to keep moving against my will. I don't have a job anymore, which is fine by me. I’m told that they’ve all been arrested, every last one of them. Paul, Rose, even Charlie. Jake killed Royce days ago, but I killed Jake.
I have that to hold onto, the fact that I killed the son of a bitch that ruined so many lives for so many years. I struggle to feel peace, but there’s no peace to be found.
The fire marshal brings his report to Sue’s house, where I’ve been existing for three days. He says they found the cause of the fire, there was an accelerant used, and the fire burned so hot they don’t expect to find anything but ashes. Everything that I would expect to hear. I don’t think he appreciates me calling him a useless sack of shit before I storm out of the kitchen, but there you have it.
After seven interminable days have passed, Esme and Carlisle return from Alaska, and come to Sue’s house with Mallie. I think they want to find closure, but there's not really any to be had. I was kidnapped and forced to marry Jake, but I killed him before he could rape me. He had his men set Edward’s house on fire simply because he tried looking for me. There are no answers to be found in a violent death, I learned that from my mother’s murder. Only more questions. So many questions.
I don’t have the answers, and I don’t know anybody that does. What is there after death, but sorrow? There’s life, because the living have to keep going forward. No matter how much they wish they had died, too.
I have theories :
ReplyDelete1. He was injured and someone found him and is taking care of his injuries.
2. He knew about the plan and he is playing his part,staying away so that they believe he died and he is waiting to make sure they all have been caught before he reveals himself.
3. He planned the fire himself.
I know you can't admit or deny to my theories, but it's going to be interesting to see if I was close and I'm starting to know you or if I'm clueless. Lol
I can't wait for you to learn the answer to that.
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